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July 26, 2022 5 min read

7 BARRIERS TO ULTIMATE ORGASMS THAT SHOULDN'T BE

Sex has been viewed as a shameful activity for a long time. Most people want to avoid discussing sex, and those who talk about it want to do so in low tones so that society does not judge them. People usually do not want to talk about their problems during sex. One problem women have been facing from time-immemorial is the inability to reach an orgasm. Some women have learned to accept that for sex to be good. It is not a must that the woman has an orgasm, while others have learned to fake orgasms. Below are some reasons why some women do not enjoy orgasms.

Low Self-Esteem

Curtis & Loomans (2014) explained that how a woman perceives her body can affect her sex life. A woman will enjoy sex if she is confident about her body image. One need not conform to the conventional beauty standards to feel confident about her body. When she is conscious of her body and is not proud of herself, the last thing she wants is to get involved with someone else because she will fear that her partner will not like her body.

Some may have been confident about their bodies, but their partners criticized them and robbed the woman of their confidence. Women's attitudes may make them feel shameful of their bodies and genital area. Some women believe that the genital area is dirty. Therefore, they would never allow anyone to get down on them because they fear that the person will naturally have a negative opinion of the genitals. If a woman has a negative attitude about her body, she will have difficulty enjoying sex because she will be waiting for the act to end to dress up. The woman will want to have sex in the dark so her partner will not see her. During sex, she'll be worrying about her nudity. Intimacy to women with low self-esteem is something they do to impress their partner.

Negative Attitudes Toward Sex

A woman's negative attitude towards sex will always view it as something shameful that she should not do. A woman can develop a negative attitude towards sex through her interactions in her past with her parents and peers. If she grew up being taught by her parents, religious leaders, and teachers that masturbation, nudity, and sex are dirty deeds, she would have a hard time enjoying sex and even a harder time achieving orgasm because sex would seem taboo to her. Along her stages of growth, she ought to have met people who should have helped her get out of her negative perception of sex. Still, if she grows into a sexually active adult with a negative attitude toward sex, she will see sex as dirty and forbidden. If the woman has a negative attitude toward sex, she will not enjoy intimacy. She will feel guilty about wanting to be sexually involved with someone. She cannot outgrow what was set on her mind, that sex is dirty and shameful. She will feel guilty every time she enjoys sex because, in her mind, she is still a little girl, and sex is forbidden.

Guilt About Separating from A Sexually Repressed Mother

McLanahan & Percheski (2008) explained that if a woman’s mother has a negative attitude towards sex, the daughter will likely have the same attitude towards sex because daughters look up to their mothers as their role models. The younger woman probably learned everything she knew about sex from her mother. If her mother instills negative attitudes in the daughter's mind, the daughter will keep these values and be afraid to walk out of them because she does not want to offend the mother. A daughter's sexual expression is usually close to how her mother views sex. Bourque & Warren (2010) explained that a sexually repressed woman would raise a sexually repressed daughter, and the cycle continues. If the younger women go against the mother’s expectations toward sex, there will be a drift between the mother and the daughter. Most daughters do not want to separate from their mothers, so they prefer to continue being sexually repressed.

Fear of Vulnerability

Some women fear that accepting love and intimacy means that they have accepted to be vulnerable. A woman may enjoy many casual relationships, but when involved in committed relationships, they have to create boundaries to protect their relationships, which most women do not want. If she was independent, she had to accept being vulnerable to her partner and allow maybe, to be dominated over. When a woman feels vulnerable, she may avoid sex and intimacy, and when she does get involved in sex, she may not achieve orgasms because her thoughts are holding her back.

History of Trauma

Smith & Freyd (2014) explained that if a woman has undergone sexual trauma in her past, it is unlikely that she will enjoy sex unless she finds ways to get over her issues. For instance, a woman who was defiled as a child or raped as a woman. Abuse need not be sexual only. Any abuse can linger for years, and her partner may notice during intimacy. It is difficult for a woman to enjoy intimacy when she is traumatized because she may not be able to differentiate between the physical connection that her partner may be required of her and the physical impact that was forced on her. for the traumatized woman to enjoy intimacy and have an orgasm she needs professional counseling.

Painful Sex (Medical Issues)

A woman will have painful sex for various reasons, such as lack or insufficient lubrication, problems during childbirth, inflammation, vaginismus, etc. A woman will not enjoy sex if she is feeling pain during sex. The underlying problems must be addressed first so the woman may enjoy sex and eventually achieve an orgasm.

Lack Of Foreplay

It can also be insufficient foreplay. Sex for most women does not start with intercourse but during foreplay. For a woman to enjoy sex, the foreplay must be good to prepare her for sex. foreplay prepares a woman psychologically and gets her aroused enough to want to have sex. If there was no foreplay or she did not get aroused, even if lube is used, instead of waiting for the orgasm, she will be waiting for the sex to end.

Conclusion

Most problems that cause women not to achieve orgasms can be solved. And even then, the most important therapy a couple can have is the type they can create between themselves through love, understanding, and compassion. The woman can seek professional therapy for her emotional problems, and if she has physical problems that inhibit her from enjoying sex, she should seek medical care. However, orgasm is great but not a must. Pursuing sensual sex may be a more worthy pursuit than orgasm. The orgasm should happen naturally, but if it is keenly pursued, it may be elusive and add unnecessary strain on the couple.

References

Bourque, S. C., & Warren, K. B. (2010). Women of the Andes: patriarchy and social change in two Peruvian towns. University of Michigan Press.

Curtis, C., & Loomans, C. (2014). Friends, family, and their influence on body image dissatisfaction. Women's Studies Journal28(2).

McLanahan, S., & Percheski, C. (2008). Family structure and the reproduction of inequalities. Annual Review of Sociology34(1), 257-276.

Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). Institutional betrayal. American Psychologist69(6), 575.

 

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