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by Katie Peachesa April 16, 2020 3 min read

Beginner’s Guide to Bondage

By Ekaterina Mironova

BondageThe phrases “dominant” and “submissive” scare a lot of people. However, all they really refer to is the sexual dynamic between two unevenly matched partners. We take for granted the fact that many exciting relationships are built on dominant and submissive roles. For example, have you ever had a hot fantasy about scoring with a teacher who is a few years older than you? How about meeting and seducing a Hollywood celebrity? The misbalance of power is obviously a major attractor in these types of relationships.

One of the most famous examples of the dominant/submissive dynamic is bondage or S&M (sadomasochism). This takes the power role concept one step further and actually involves subjecting one partner to an uncomfortable feeling, much to the other partner’s arousal. (And in most cases, the submissive also likes the feeling!) This discomfort can be anything from pain to humiliation or restraint—as in being tied up.

Now don’t be alarmed; Bondage, essentially, is an exploration and experimentation with this type of dynamic. Whereas fantasies only flirt with the concept of S&M or dominant/submissive, bondage actually takes it one step further and lets both partners role play according to dominant and submissive roles. The easiest way to experiment with bondage is to restrain your partner and subject him/her to your sexual advances. Just make sure you are both on the same page to begin with!

Bondage toys for newcomers can be something as simple as a pair of fluffy handcuffs or ties that trap a partner’s hands to the headboard of a bed. A blindfold is another commonly used bondage toy. The main idea here is restricted movement. Once you become accustomed to these new feelings, you can both experiment with more adventurous bondage toys and concepts.

The dynamic here is usually master and slave (which implies some consent from the submissive partner) or sometimes intruder and victim (which implies forced sex). Once again, it is simply an exploration of sexual taboos and as long as you are both comfortable with the idea—it can very often lead to heightened orgasmic experiences.

The most important point of bondage to remember is that you must trust each other at all times. Bondage games especially leave one partner vulnerable to the other, so failing to respect the boundaries as agreed upon, would result in a loss of trust. Play for your partner’s pleasure! If you and your partner enjoy role playing while engaging in bondage games, it might help to have a “secret word” prearranged that means the game has gone far enough.

Many couples have experimented with bondage games and have reported experiencing high adrenaline rushes which have increased orgasmic response. Take turns “dominating” each other and talk afterwards about what you like or didn’t like, and what you want to try in the future. Because of the sensitive dynamic involved here, it is best to discuss how the game works in advance and not “improvise” or surprise your partner during a session.

If your love life has been lacking lately, then consider adding a little kink into your normal bedroom routine. There are plenty of beginner’s toys that can get you started. The submissive/dominant dynamic is a normal part of human attraction and is sure to help make some memorable encounters for you and yours.

Enjoy and have fun!

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.


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