Can’t Orgasm: Is There Something Wrong With You or Him?

Can’t Orgasm: Is There Something Wrong With You or Him?

By Tatyana Dyachenko

If you find it difficult to reach orgasm, you are by no means alone. An incredibly large number of women rarely reach orgasm through intercourse and some never do. You may have been led to believe that it’s your fault; that you’re ‘frigid’.

Alternatively, you might lay the blame squarely with your lover, believing that he simply isn’t sensitive to your needs. The truth is that the first step in solving the problem is to stop the blame game. Chances are, it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

But the bottom line is that it’s your orgasm and you need to take ownership of it. Don’t assume that it’s a man’s ‘job’ to give you an orgasm, it’s just as much your responsibility to ensure you’re getting one!

Where You Might be Going Wrong

Typically, there are three main reasons for a woman to have problems reaching orgasm.

• Lack of focus
• Lack of arousal
• Lack of clitoral stimulation

Now, believe it or not, you can do something about all three of those things. Firstly, when I say lack of focus, it is important to realize that the female brain plays a crucial part in the ability to reach orgasm. Therefore, if you’re feeling stressed, anxious, tired or distracted by the million and one things you’ve got to do, you’re very unlikely to be in the right mindset to allow yourself to climax. So, try to ensure you’re relaxed before making love and focused on your lover during intercourse. If there are things on your mind, talk them out before you begin having sex.

Lack of arousal speaks for itself. Arousal is fundamental to female orgasm and it’s why we girls love lots of foreplay. However, bear in mind that there are things you can do alone to help get yourself ‘in the mood’. For example, flirt with your lover, fantasize or read some erotic literature.

Clitoral orgasm is the most common form of female orgasm and, typically, it is the easiest to come by. However, it does require that wonderful collection of nerve endings to be stimulated. Depending upon the position, this stimulation may not be present during intercourse. But there is nothing to stop you from using your hands, or asking him to use his, to provide that extra pressure.

How to Point Him in The Right Direction

Even if you believe that your lover could be doing more to bring you to climax, the ball is still very much in your court. He won’t know what he’s doing wrong, or what he could do differently, unless you say something. If you ignore it and pretend that you’re sexually satisfied, nothing will ever change. So, discuss your sex life with your lover.

Avoid making comments that could knock his confidence, as this will just make matters worse. However, you can gently guide him in the right direction by saying, “I’d really love it if you could do more of X” or “Do you think we could try a little of Y” If you frame your conversation well, he’ll be extremely responsive to your suggestions.