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by Katie Peachesa April 19, 2020 3 min read

Does it Matter if He Masturbates?

By Ksenia Sobchak

Okay girls, for some of us, this can be a sensitive topic. However, the fact is your boyfriend or husband almost certainly masturbates. Should you be bothered? It is symptomatic of a problem in your relationship?

Well, unsurprisingly, my answer isn’t a definitive one. Does it matter if he masturbates? Probably not, but it depends on the circumstances.

All Men Masturbate

You will be hard pushed to find a man on this planet, who doesn’t masturbate. And a man’s relationship status seems to make very little, if any, difference to that fact.

In truth, if you and he are sharing a healthy, mutually enjoyable and fulfilling sex life, then “no” it doesn’t matter if he has a little sideline with his hand. We might not like it, it may make us feel insecure, but there is absolutely no need to feel threatened by it.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

Keep in mind, each and every one of us has a different sex drive. It might be that your husband or boyfriend has a much higher sex drive than you. So, while you’re perfectly satisfied with the amount of physical intimacy in your relationship, he craves more.

Also, to put a positive perspective on his masturbation – remember, the more sex we have (both women and men), especially if it’s good sex, the more we want. So, his need to ‘take care of business’ might be down to the fact that he’s having lots of great sex with you.

When is it a Problem?

Of course, the natural response for most women is to worry that he has no longer interested in her sexually. And, although for the vast majority of men, this is not the case, it is a valid concern. So, what signs should you be looking for?

Is he choosing to masturbate in favor of having sex with you?

Does he say he’s “not in the mood”, but you find him pleasuring himself?

Is he unable to climax when having sex with you?

Is he unable to get or maintain an erection during sexual intercourse?

If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions, it could mean there is a problem. However, it’s not necessarily with you. We erroneously assume sex and orgasm is always a much more straightforward process for men.

The truth is, just like us, their ability to become aroused can be affected by their state of mind; level of stress, depression, anxiety, etc. He is able to become aroused alone, partly because he knows exactly what buttons to push (after all, he’s been practicing since he was a teenager), but also because he doesn’t have the pressure of trying to please you.

How to Solve the Problem

If any of the situations above seem familiar to you, the first thing to do is talk to your boyfriend or husband. Try to have a frank, non-accusatory discussion about your sex life. For example, ask him if he feels that your sex life has become boring.

Most men thrive (and are programmed for) sexual variety. That doesn’t necessarily mean different partners, but it does mean the majority of men like to spice things up whenever possible. If things have become a little stale in your relationship, you probably sense it, too. Things can be fixed by talking it out and discussing what both of you want from sexual intercourse.

On the other hand, he may tell you that nothing has changed and he finds you just as sexy as he always did. Although this might sound like a line he’s feeding you, there may well be truth in it. As mentioned, he may be experiencing depression or anxiety, which makes it difficult for him to become aroused.

If this is the case, he may find talking about his concerns helpful. Alternatively, you might like to encourage him to seek professional help. If you aren’t being sexually satisfied, don’t just sweep it under the carpet, because it could prove catastrophic for your relationship.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.

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