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by Katie Peachesa April 22, 2020 9 min read

Fight the Routine-Bad sex is the symptom, not the sickness.

By Ksenia Sobchak

Falling in love is exhilarating.

You can’t seem to get enough of him/her. You spend your days thinking about them and your nights longing to be with them.Every single contact brings a smile to your face. A simple text message has you forgetting what you were doing and a phone conversation can last for hours. You talk about everything under the sun, cutting up and laughing like there’s no tomorrow.

Plain and simple, we love falling in love.

The excitement of getting to see and spend time with them literally consumes us. We will do anything to bring a smile to their face…gifts and compliments become the norm because let’s face it. We want them to know how much we adore and appreciate them right? The spark between us stays lit, like two teenagers controlled by hormones we can’t seem to get enough of each other or keep our hands to ourselves. Constant flirting keeps the sexual tension high.

Fast forward a few years and well…..The Honeymoon is over.

The only time you text is to remind to pick up milk on the way home. The only time you call is to make sure they got the text.

The only thing you talk about is how bad your day was just to be interrupted and told about how bad their day was.

The only time you kiss is during sex and sex has become a thing of the past.
There are bills to pay and overtime to work, dinner to cook, kids to bathe and the house needs cleaning, laundry has to be done, yard needs mowing, oil needs changed and before you know it life has gotten in the way.

Neither one of you feel appreciated or even loved. Desired???? What is that?
A smack on the ass or grabbing a tit don’t have her ripping your clothes off and moaning like a porn star and you can’t understand why she don’t want you. If you do actually have sex it’s so boring there’s no point. She’s too tired to be active. He doesn’t take the time to seduce her. She just lays there wishing he would hurry. He’s selfish and thinks licking it and sticking it should have her begging for more…..Do I need to keep going or do you get the point?

What the hell happened? This is the same person that had you so twisted up you couldn’t imagine your life without them so you asked her to marry you, you couldn’t wait to make her feel your love and adoration for the rest of your life. This is the same person that made you feel so special, so alive that any answer other than yes to his proposal sounded insane, The day you could start spending your mornings waking up to him and your nights in his arms couldn’t get here soon enough.

I’ll tell you what happened.

Life didn’t get in the way that’s just an excuse. You started taking each other for granted and stopped letting him/her know how you felt and now you’re not sure you even feel anymore. I’m not saying you can get it back because let’s face it. Sometimes things are broken and can’t be repaired. However, if it’s not too far gone and you’re not ready to throw it away there is a chance you can make it better and get the spark back but in order to do so it’s going to require some work on both parts.

I know what you’re thinking…this is supposed to be a sexual advice blog right? Well it is and even thought this particular post isn’t specifically about sex, bad sex or even the lack of sex is a symptom of the above mentioned problems.

So how do you fix it?


The first step is talking about the problems, discussing what you feel is missing and letting your partner know that there are things you want and need.

Cover everything from sex to helping around the house. Your partner can’t read your mind so without being condescending let them know what you would like to see start happening.

Also follow that up with asking the question: What can I do more of to give you the things you want and need.

Make time for each other.


Learn how to be romantic. There is a ton of information readily available that will help you be more romantic. Let’s face it. We as men weren’t taught by our fathers to be romantic and give her the things she wants so it’s up to us to go learn how to be.

Schedule dates. If you have kids it can be challenging but not impossible. Think about or even ask her what she would like to do then YOU schedule and plan it.

Help her around the house a little, it wouldn’t kill you to come home with dinner, make her plate then send her off to get a hot bath with an even hotter book while you do the dishes and straighten up the house. Have a towel in the dryer getting hot so when you’re done with the dishes you can dry her off then give her a massage WITHOUT trying to get in her panties. Trust me, telling a woman you appreciate her means absolutely nothing but showing her and expecting nothing in return will go a long way towards getting everything you want anyway. The side effect of you appreciating her is she will start to appreciate you.


Make sure he knows you appreciate him too. Instead of complaining about how many hours he works and how you never see him try telling him you know he’s busy taking care of his family but you really do miss him and ask him if he can take a look at his schedule and maybe get off early one night soon. You’re getting exactly what you want without the argument because your approach is different. (I’m not saying all women complain or bitch so don’t get mad ladies….. but some do and I have a few x’s to prove it : )
Try spoiling him every once in a while. Send him off to get a shower then give him a massage. Get a babysitter and surprise him. When he comes in from work be wearing something slutty and tell him to hurry up and bathe cuz his ass is yours tonight…..it will go a long way…trust me.

All I’m trying to say is communication without arguing then making an effort to be everything your partner desires will go a long way towards making your relationship better than you ever thought it could be.

Now let’s get to the good part…….The sex.

Like I said earlier, Bad sex or even the lack of sex is usually not the problem but the symptom. If she doesn’t feel loved, protected and appreciated then she’s not going to want to have sex and even if she does she’s not going to be into it enough to create any sort of passion. Then she stops having orgasms due to not being “into” it and eventually don’t even want to have sex.

If he doesn’t feel loved and appreciated he’s not even going to try to please you when you’re intimate and sex becomes just a means to an end………Not to be crude but it becomes all about getting off. Before you know it she’s breaking out the toys before he gets home or after he goes to sleep and he’s in the bathroom with a bottle of lotion. That’s the first step…cheating comes next and no matter how secure you think you are in your relationship when needs aren’t met it’s only a matter of time before someone comes along and starts meeting those needs and cheating WILL happen.

Men and women are very different.

Men are easy to turn on. We are turned on visually and by touch. So in other words it’s a lot easier for us to be turned on. It’s almost purely physical.
Women on the other hand….well……..we have to work a little harder and that’s okay because it’s worth it.

In order to have great sex with a woman we have to get in her head first.
That’s easy in the beginning because everything is new, the excitement and unknown does most of the work for us, however, As time goes on its going to require a little more work. She’s seen all your best moves and knows exactly what’s in store for her. The dreaded routine. (women have one too)
Now, if you’re doing what I talked about above and she knows she’s appreciated, you’re throwing the “I’m a man” shit out the door and actually helping her with things, doing what you can to give her a break now and then and make life a little easier on her, it will be a lot easier for you to get in her head and seduce her.

Now is where you throw the routine out the door. Surprise her by mixing it up a little. Instead of starting out at the top and working your way down start at the bottom and work your way up, don’t automatically please the next body part in line…make her wonder what is next.

Tie her up and blindfold her…losing the sense of site will heighten her sense of touch ,then be creative on where your lips land next, it will drive her insane.
Make love to her then eat her out or lie down next her using your fingers or toys to continue giving her orgasms. Just because you’re done don’t mean you can’t continue to please her.

Get a little dominant once in a while, a woman wants a man every now and then. There is nothing wrong with making love but when is the last time you walked in and “took” her? When’s the last time you grabbed her and ripped her panties off while telling her how bad you’ve wanted her all day or how you can’t take it anymore you have to have her now? Or how you’ve been thinking about her tight little pussy squeezing your hard throbbing cock all day and you need her now damn it? ( plan it a little, make sure she’s not helping the kids with homework or cooking dinner or something) (And give her the money to replace the ripped panties *wink wink )

I could go on and on here but I’m sure you get the point. Be creative and surprise her.

Women: that goes for you as well. You can’t kiss us, suck us then ride us every time and expect us to be all giddy giddy when it’s time for sex. We get tired of the same ole, same ole just like you do. And just like you, we will start spending more time alone with our imagination and pleasing ourselves when the routine becomes boring.

Just like for the men, there are a ton of things you can do to keep it hot. So, if you are doing everything you should be doing when it comes to making him feel appreciated and loved (yes it’s a two way street) then fight the routine by mixing it up for him.

Try seducing him. Tease him, flirt with him. Let him know how bad you want him.
When he comes home grab him and pull him into the bathroom/bedroom or even a closet, get him hard then tell him to take you now, you can’t wait anymore. Quickies can be hot and exciting.

Tie him up and have your way with him.

Give him a strip show and lap dance.

Just like for the men, I could go on and on. My point for both the men and the women is simply this. Keep it hot, mix it up. We’re not talking about some dude at a bar here or some lady of the night. We’re talking about your partner, your lover the one you chose to be with and the one who chose you. It’s worth the effort on both parts and the rewards are too numerous to list.
I’m getting a little long winded here so I need to wrap it up.

Bad sex, boring sex and lack of sex is usually just the symptom, not the sickness. So cherish the one you’re with, make them feel like you did in the beginning. Try just as hard to get their attention as you did when you first met them and you will always have it. I know life gets busy and routines start to form. Take the time to fight the routines that form in the relationship. Stop and appreciate this person you’ve committed yourself to…and for God’s sake. Make sure they know that you do

*Note: There are exceptions to every rule and sometimes it’s more or even all one person’s fault that the relationship is failing. For instance if one party has the lines of communication open and is telling what it is he/she wants and needs but the other is not listening then unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about that. Some professional counseling is in order if that is your situation.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.

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