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July 27, 2022 5 min read


After you have had kids, your sex life often takes the backseat, and the honeymoon phase of your relationship slows down too. But it doesn't have to be this way! Here are some ways to maintain a healthy sex life as a parent.

Being a parent has lots of benefits, but it can be hard to maintain intimacy in your relationship. With all the stress of raising children, it's easy to lose yourself as an individual, especially if you're not careful about carving out time just for you and your partner. Plenty of tips can help you maintain a healthy sex life after having kids. Therefore, take some time to explore the tips highlighted in this article and find what will work best for your sex life and family.

Communicate with Your Partner

According to Rosenberg & Chopra (2015), communication helps eliminate all the tension and will go a long way to help you and your partner understand each other. Always keep open lines of communication with your partner to have good conversations about sex, intimacy, and romance. Ensure you talk about things like whether or not you're ready for more kids, if there's anything that might be hurting your sex life (like too much stress), or if one of you has been having any thoughts about cheating. If something's on your mind, don't wait to bring it up—it'll only get harder to discuss later.

Ask your partner what they feel will turn them on or what they would love during your sexual interaction. It's normal that after some years of marriage, you or your partner might be so caught up with the kids or work that you don't even have time for sex anymore. Communication can help your partner plan on giving you the sexual pleasure you need if you miss having sex, as Kabagenyi et al. (2014) described.

Communication will also help your partner understand what they are doing wrong, whether in foreplay or sex. Communicating with your partner about sex can be uncomfortable at first—it's easy to worry that you'll say something that makes your partner feel weird or bad about themselves. But talking honestly and openly about sex is one of the best ways to keep things healthy between you and your partner. Even if you think something's not working out right, talk with them and figure out how you can make things better.

Create a Pleasurable Mood

Creating a setting where you can enjoy each other's company is one of your most important jobs as parents. Consider dimming lights and lighting candles, turning on some music, or taking it outside. By creating an intimate atmosphere and finding ways to calm yourself down after a long day, you will make sure that sex becomes something enjoyable for both of you. According to Kumar & Raje (2014), a comfortable body with relaxed muscles will feel better during sex than when you are tense with stress and fatigue. This means that rather than focusing on chores or arguments from earlier in the day, spend some time getting comfortable before your sexual encounter. It also means not focusing on work-related stressors in front of your partner if it is an issue—communication is key here.

If both of you are caught up with work and the kids, try planning a time where both of you will focus on giving the other pleasure. Plan for a romantic night together, or get someone else to take care of the kids while you have fun. This will help you be committed no matter how tired you might get. Creating the right mood by adding some music or candles will help make your partner understand how important sexual pleasure is in your relationship. Your effort will not be in vain.

Get Out and Do New Things

Who said sex should be in the bedroom only? Get out of your comfort zone and try it out in the kitchen or living room (of course, when the kids are not around). You have a lot of space and room to switch it up. This will help give you that blood rush that you so much miss to help you experience the best sex of your marriage life.

Get out of your sex life rut. Getting out and doing new things isn't just fun. It can help you reignite that passion you once had for each other. You could go on a romantic weekend getaway or even plan an activity-filled day trip with your significant other, something fun that doesn't require staying in town.

Sex Toys are Not Just For Single People

As we age, couples often complain that they don't feel like having sex because their bodies don't work like they used to. As parents, we are physically drained by our children and constantly exhausted at home. Even if your husband or wife is going through menopause or other sexual problems, it doesn't mean your sex life has ended. You can still have fun in bed and make each other feel loved again by introducing some new toys into your bedroom. Haley et al. (2019) stated that sex toys could be a great way to supplement things in the bedroom.

Adding a sex toy can help you and your partner get that extra push to the finish line because sex with the same partner can sometimes get boring: adding a sex toy will help freshen things up for both of you.

Other Tips and Suggestions

Give your partner a special touch and attention. Make sure you wear clothes that will drive them crazy. Wearing your lingerie instead of just letting it dust in the wardrobe will help make your partner want more and more from you. Help your kids with their homework. This way, you have time for each other. Don't have sex in only one position. Choose something new and exciting now and then so it does not get boring for either of you.


As parents, we have our work cut out for us. It can be not easy to juggle having children and finding time for each other. But it's important not to let our sex lives fade away while raising kids. The most important thing we can do is make sure we always remain open and honest with one another so that if one of us starts feeling neglected, we speak up right away before things get too serious. If you need help keeping your relationship on track and want some extra support, consider meeting with a therapist or counselor regularly—it may help you resolve any issues you're having and strengthen your bond in an entirely new way.


Haley, S. G., Tordoff, D. M., Kantor, A. Z., Crouch, J. M., & Ahrens, K. R. (2019). Sex education for transgender and non-binary youth: Previous experiences and recommended content. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 16(11), 1834-1848.

Kabagenyi, A., Jennings, L., Reid, A., Nalwadda, G., Ntozi, J., & Atuyambe, L. (2014). Barriers to male involvement in contraceptive uptake and reproductive health services: a qualitative study of men and women's perceptions in two rural districts in Uganda. Reproductive health, 11(1), 1-9.

Kumar, S., & Raje, A. (2014). Effect of progressive muscular relaxation exercises versus transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation on tension headache: A comparative study. Hong Kong Physiotherapy Journal, 32(2), 86-91.

Rosenberg, M. B., & Chopra, D. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life: Life-changing tools for healthy relationships. PuddleDancer Press.

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