When we were younger we were lucky if we ever got the birds and the bees talk at all and if we did we’d often cringe until it was all over. Personally I remember thinking that I had something terribly wrong with me the first time I started my periods, as no one had thought to tell me about the normal facts of life.
Now although I’m only 21 (and a little bit) I have a teenage son that is embarking on the hazards of puberty. Ok I lied, I’m 33! I had my son while at university and so still feel quite cool and modern as we don’t have the age gap many parents have.
This coupled with the fact that I give non-judgemental candid sex advice on a weekly basis made me believe that I would be the perfect person to talk to him about the birds and the bees.
I first noticed a change happening when in our local pet shop the sun streaming through the windows highlighted the new hair on his top lip. I didn’t handle this as well as I should have done as in my excitement I asked the shop assistants if they could notice it too. This event was thrown at me when I requested a little talk about changes in his body.
In fact his words were, “do you really think I want to discuss my willy with someone who told the whole of York about my moustache?” He does have a point.
Yet this didn’t stop me (indeed I am competing for most embarrassing mother of the century award), so I continued to chat to his stoic face and tightly pursed lips about wet dreams and the like. I was quite determined to make him see that these things were perfectly normal and he needn’t think he’d caught some deadly disease if he woke up a bit sticky. I had this fantastical vision about our relationship being different to other parent and child relationships imagining him coming to me for advice on sex and girls and the like.
Yet as his face turned redder I knew I must stop, especially as he opened his mouth to shout, “Stop, they teach us it all at school!” With a little relief I asked when he’d learned, and he replied that we were on holiday the day they brought it up in science.
Anticipating me launching into another lecture about masturbation and safe sex he quickly told me they had a book he could read if he needed to, yet for me checking this out of the library seemed more embarrassing than a private conversation with mummy dearest.
So we came to an agreement, I bought him an armful of books from Amazon for him to read in private. When they arrived I was quite shocked by the contents and even learned a thing or two myself! They are nothing like the sexual education books I remember; instead they talk of blow jobs, porn, the clap and even slappers. They were quite the eye opener.
I know he’s already devoured two whole so I’m hoping my choice makes me seem like the cool laid back mum I want to be, despite the horror experienced reading some of the passages, and I think it’s working a little as just last night he actually asked my advice on asking out a girl he liked, even letting me know her name so I’m not redundant just yet!
Comments will be approved before showing up.