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by Katie Peachesa November 18, 2019 5 min read
How much sex is normal in a relationship? If you are in long-term committed relations, this is a question that may bother you once in a while. You need to rest easy though. There is no such thing as a “normal” amount of sex in a relationship because every relationship is different. In short, there are no “normal” relationships so there can’t be a normal number of times to have sex.
Several studies have tried to examine how often couples have sex and which factors tend to affect sex levels. One such study is a 2015 research conducted by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology. The study which was carried out on 2500 couples found that people who had sex at least once a week were the happiest. And while the research shows that having more sex does not make a couple happier, there are studies that show there is a direct correlation between lack of sexual satisfaction and divorce. So, what is obvious here is that while there is no ideal sex frequency, having a healthy sex life is crucial to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
However, this does not mean that having sex once a week is an ideal frequency. Sex is largely driven by age. Younger people around the ages of 18 to 29 years tend to have more sex, about four times a week. This frequency tends to reduce as the couple grows older and other factors such as children, chores, work, physical health and psychological health set in. The sex tension can also go up in a relationship when there is discrepant desire. This is where one partner wants more or less sex than the other. Discrepant desire can also occur when both partners are no longer attracted to each other or displeased by the frequency and quality of sex.
The good news is, you don’t have to conform to what others consider normal because it does not exist. Instead, you should be focused on improving the quality of your sexual interaction with your partner rather than the quantity of sex. Besides, what is the use of having sex four times a week to be like your friends, while every encounter leaves your partner more dissatisfied than the last?
As a couple, the most important part of enjoying sex is having mutual physical attraction. While you might have been crazy in love when starting your relationship, physical changes in the body as you grow older and have children ( for women) can significantly alter your initial attractions. This disconnects from your body cause a negative self-image which eventually affects your sex life. So, you need to learn how to love your naked bodies together. Exercising, treating each other to a body massage or taking a bath together can give you a relaxed non-sexual moment to explore your partner’s body and re-fall in love with it. This also helps your bond giving you natural confidence to sex.
Even when you have been living with your partner for years, sometimes, there are things that turn you on they might not know. Being open about your sexual desires and fantasies can help you have more quality sexual interactions. Make sure to be on the same page on matters of the bedroom. If you like him fingering you in the middle of the night, or, there is a new sex position you might want to try. Telling him or her ensures that you get sex the way you like it, which can go a long way in improving your sex life in both frequency and quality.
Having sex the same way year in year out does get boring. So you might want to spice things up just a little bit in the bedroom. If she wants more sex than you, don’t make her if like a whore. Instead, love her by introducing sex toys that can assist you to love her in different ways to her satisfaction. Insert her a vibrator as your stroke her clitoris. Or leave it in as you give her an awesome body massage then climax her with a nice hard penetration. Cramp her nipples and insert her a butt plug to help her experience sex like the first time. Takes things a notch here and get her some vaginal balls to insert on your night out. Get her feeling all new and loved. The same goes for your man. Get him cock rings and penis plugs to give him sex in a whole new way. Be creative and let him see the chic side of you he thought was lost after campus, he will love it every step. You might also want to consider introducing some kink bondage into your routines.
Even in the 21st century where men are helping with house chores and children care, women still spend an extra hour every day than men doing chores. This can maybe explain why more women as they get older and have children have lower interest in sex. But this does not have to be the case. Helping each other more ensures that everyone is relaxed and fit enough to have some sex as you go to bed. Simple things like tucking the kids to bed, loading the dishwasher or even helping with laundry will reduce her workload and give you more time for each other. Don’t hesitate to play as you work. Take her up the bedroom and insert her a vaginal egg then keep the remote. Or have her wear a tail butt plug for you as she runs around the house. This will help turn both of you on and create crazy sexual anticipation that improves your sex interactions.
Research shows that couples who travel together have more romantic sex and healthier relationships. Hence, consider taking a few nights every few months to travel and be together away from the everyday hassles. This doesn’t have to be expensive or even overseas. You can stay a night or two in a hotel together just to unwind and reconnect. Or go out for dinner in a good restaurant. This removes the chores that hinder most sex at home and allows both of you to enjoy a new quite environment without worrying about the kids or work. It is a moment to just love and share each other, thus increasing your intimacy.
Sometimes, the reason why a partner may want less sex is because it is painful for her. Vaginal dryness is caused by different things including stress, age, some foods or even pregnancy. If you are experiencing vaginal dryness during intercourse, you want to introduce so sex lubricants to reduce friction and keep her moisturized all through. Using sex lubricants should not be shameful or mean that you are less attracted to each other. Instead, lubes help you have more quality sex without either partner being hurt. So be free and use the available resources to help your relationship sexually healthy with Peaches and Screams.
Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.
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