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by Katie Peachesa January 31, 2020 5 min read
You are warming up to your partner but you are scared to your heels to have sex. Being a virgin, your friends might have already warned you about how painful first-time sex can be. The truth is, yes you will experience a little pain and bleeding during sex, but this doesn’t happen for everyone. Moreover, there are different causes of vaginal pain during your first intercourse, which can be easily alleviated.
The most common cause of pain during first-time sex is the unbroken vaginal hymen. When a woman is a virgin, it means that her vaginal hymen is not yet broken. Penetrative sex, therefore, stretches the hymen tissue causing a bit of pain and bleeding. The hymen is a tissue membrane that closes the vaginal opening. Hymens differ in size among women, with some having thick or thin membranes. The more stretchy and thin the hymen, the less pain you will experience during your first time.
Another common cause of first-time sex or discomfort is the feeling of penile fullness in the vagina. This can get a bit painful when the penis or dildo comes into contact with the cervix. This is partly because your vagina is not yet used to accommodate fullness.
Sometimes, vaginal pain during sex has been associated with too-large penises. Although it can be possible in some cases, it is extremely rare. A normal erect penis ranges between 5-7 inches long and a vagina is between 3-7 inches long. However, the vagina is extremely stretchy in both width and depth during sex so it will comfortably accommodate the penis girth and length.
Other common causes of pain during first-time sex can include poor lubrication, urinary tract infections, allergic reaction to condoms or vaginismus. Most of these problems can be easily resolved by taking a few precautions during sex and other subsequent encounters.
While we can't promise you a completely painless experience, we know a few tricks that will help you reduce your chance of encountering painful sex. Despite being ready and willing to break your virginity, first-time sex is always surrounded by some anxiety and uncertainties. Therefore, having a patient, encouraging and understanding partner is crucial to how your first-time will turn out. Make it memorable by:
Like previously mentioned, having a patient and understanding partner is crucial to your first experience. Let your partner know all your fears and concerns before you engage in penetrative sex. Be calm and honest with exactly what you feel, your expectations, and what the encounter means for you. Sharing your feeling and concerns with your partner will help you relieve anxiety and also prepare him psychologically to slow down or stop if you need him to.
We know you want it to be as special and memorable as possible. It’s a new adventure that you are taking, and expecting it to be magical isn’t bad. You might even have a mental checklist of how the whole thing should happen. Don’t make it so uptight though. It is important to keep reasonable and realistic expectations for both yourself and your partner. This means being fair to yourself and your partner during the whole encounter. You also don’t want to have movie-fantasy expectations of the magical feel-good orgasm during your first time. While you might experience the most extra-ordinary physical and emotional pleasure of your life, you need to acknowledge that things can go the other way. So being open-minded and honest about your feelings is important if the adventure is to be successful.
Choosing a comfortable and relaxing place for your first-time is another important step. Pick a place that you both feel comfortable, relaxed and private while together. Home is great but you need to make sure that you will have a few hours to yourselves. You can also try a hotel room or a guest house for that extra privacy. This is important because you want to have access to basic necessities such as a bathroom and be in control of the space. Add a personal touch such as candle lighting, rose petals, scents or music to help set a passionate love mood.
One common reason why first time sex is painful is because the vagina may not have lubricated sufficiently before entry. So you want to warm up your body to maximum arousal with lots of foreplay. Being heated before sex allows your body to relax and lubricate sufficiently for more painless penetration. You also get more comfortable with your partner playing with your genitals which is a wonderful step to easy penetrations.
Understanding that you might be nervous, starting by taking a hotbath and massage with your partner and then kissing, manual stimulation, touching, and oral sex will help you become more relaxed and comfortable. Things tend to flow naturally from there.
Note that every woman is different and has their own ticks, so don’t fantasize about what your friends said. Get to know your body through self-exploration and masturbation. This helps you to get accustomed to your body receiving pleasure making sex with a partner easier.
Even when you have all these thoughts about how you should feel or express yourself, it is crucial that you take things slow and be patient with both yourself and your partner. If you have waited all this while, you can wait a few more minutes to relax and relieve any anxiety you might be feeling. If you feel like you need to experience penetration in your own time, don’t hesitate to masturbate alone with fingers or using sex toys to help your vagina get used to penetration. While with a partner, let them know how you like to be touched or the parts that tick for you. Get ready together through foreplay and once ready, let him ease into you. If you feel like you are not lubricated enough, use sex lubricants to reduce friction during penetration and thrusting. There is no shame in vaginal dryness and it is particularly normal for the first time due to anxiety. Slowly find a rhythm and pace that works for you. A slow pace is best for first-time, you will increase gradually as you get more used to penetrative sex.
For your first time, you will notice pain and discomfort can occur during penetration. Shifting into a different positionmay be all you need to bliss your way to an orgasm. Some positions like the missionary are perfect for slow face-to-face sex. The eye contact allows you to observe your partner and know if they are enjoying or in pain. Face to face positions also helps enhance your emotional connection, heightening your arousal. Other positions that are great to try when having sex for the first time are pillow top, lean on me and tuck me in. But you are not limited, shift and turn to different angles until you find a position that works for you best.
Sex becomes less uncomfortable after the first time. So once you have broken your virginity, you are on a blissful path of sexual pleasure you didn’t even know you were missing. So don’t be afraid and get done with it already, but, enjoy responsibly!
Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.
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