Many people say it often seems strange that sometimes we get lots of attention from others, and sometimes our attractiveness to people feels like a barren wasteland of invisibleness and lack of connection, so here we will look at what makes the purple patches roll!
It’s a cliché but none the less true to say that confidence is the key to success. People pick up on all the unconscious signals we are sending out about ourselves. But what if we don’t feel confident? There are many ways to build confidence and attractiveness and they often have certain key elements in common, which are:
Exercise - you will look and feel better.
Relaxation - you will be easier to approach and more attractive.
Fun - people will want to join in!
Sexiness - if you’re feeling sexy it shows.
Self-sufficiency - neediness is off-putting, which is ironic considering we have to stop needing to start getting!
Interest - like fun, if you are interested in your own life then others will be.
Friendliness - self-explanatory.
Availability - go to places where people may share common interests with you, but if you’re exercising and being interesting and fun then this will be happening!
Self-acceptance - know yourself before you expect others to.
Self-worth - value yourself before you expect others to.
It may be that at certain points we feel like absolute crap and unable to contend with any of these things. If that is the case, it is not a relationship with somebody else that you need; it is a new relationship with yourself. Developing yourself through counselling, creativity, spiritual exploration and friends may be the best thing to start with.
We attract people who bounce aspects of ourselves back at us, so a very needy person may be abused or ignored, an angry person belittled, a chaotic person suppressed. How can you be the kind of person that you might want to have a relationship with? What do you value and seek? Honesty? Be honest. Adventure? Be adventurous. Kindness? Be kind!
Everyone is lovable and has people available to them in life that they could make great partnerships with, but often people get blocked. If you find that you don’t get the kind of attention or opportunities that you would like, have a fresh think about why and what you could do to change that. Negative assumptions such as, “I’m not attractive/wealthy/bright/lovable enough,” are a waste of energy and false. Something like, “My wobbly confidence can get in my way so I’ll work on that through...” may be far more helpful.
If you feel that your general state-of-being is good and that you are in a fit state to enter a new relationship, then get out there! No matter what size, shape or colour you are, you will feel better about yourself if you work on your fitness and appearance. Get down the gym, out walking on the hills, in the dance class, on your bike, on the waves...whatever you prefer to get yourself moving. Improvement in this arena will make a huge difference in confidence. Then go through your wardrobe and chuck out everything that you feel doesn’t represent your personality. If you are skint you can do this in stages. Look for pieces that enhance your attributes as opposed to hiding your ‘flaws’. There are make-up tutorials on YouTube, stylists if you are rich, beauty treatments for all budgets! But is that really ‘it’?
Sexiness is a huge aspect of attracting the people you want to attract. What is your attitude to sex? Developing confidence in this area through getting to know what your body is really capable of through self-touch and masturbation should be fun and interesting. Many people find that what you focus on increases, so if you focus on feeling frustrated, that can increase; if you focus on feeling sexy and touchable, that will increase too!
True success in relationships comes from your own sense of purpose. What are you doing in the world and why? Who are you? Beginning to answer these questions, which are life-long and ever evolving, will bring you closer to the people who will light you up and turn you on!
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