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by Katie Peachesa April 09, 2020 3 min read

Is it My Fault that I Can't Orgasm?

By Tatyana Dyachenko

Lately we've discussed the latest studies that show men are becoming worse in bed due to preconceptions about how women orgasm, yet still I receive letters from women who believe there is something wrong because they don't come with their boyfriend.

Even more disturbingly, some of these boyfriends and husbands are actually blaming their partners, with a few claiming that other girlfriends had no trouble reaching orgasm with them.

Now I'd like to put a stop to this right now. Yes there are women out there that can orgasm through penetration alone which is obviously wonderful for them, however the majority of women need clitoral stimulation while ALL women need to feel relaxed.

A man who blames a woman for not climaxing is immature, inexperienced and a selfish lover. Any man worth his salt would move heaven and earth to find ways in which he could flick that magic switch to make you come again and again.

It takes time, it takes patience and most of all it takes trust as if you have trouble reaching orgasm with your partner, you need to feel completely at ease. A man who waxes lyrical about ex-girlfriends and their orgasms will not make you feel relaxed. He needs dumping, straight away I'm serious.

He's a Liar!

With so few women able to climax through penetration it's highly doubtful that his ex-girlfriends ever had an orgasm at all, especially if he doesn't know how to use clitoral stimulation. See this is the problem with faking an orgasm, men think they're actually great in bed when in reality they're so bad you wish you'd booked a night in alone with your trusty bullet.

It's not your body's fault that you can't orgasm, it's your partners. If you can orgasm quite happily when you're completely alone, vibrator or not then you know everything is in perfect working order. There are quite a few ways a man can actually make sure you are fully relaxed so you reach orgasm easily, although if he's anything like the one we've mentioned, you may have trouble getting him to do it.

Ways to Ensure Orgasm through Oral

Your partner can try vaginal massage. This is brilliant for helping you unwind. He shouldn't start straight at your vagina though, maybe actually giving you a neck and shoulder massage first. If he's not sure how to massage, long strokes, quite firm from your scalp, following the lines to your shoulders will work wonders this feels absolutely delicious and he can repeat and stroke until he finally reaches between your legs.

Alternatively, he can work his way up, using a foot massage, stroking your leg with long firm strokes, before oiling your thighs and rubbing and stroking gently. Then the fun begins. By now you should already be relaxed as he takes your labia and strokes it before gently finding your g-spot, alternating between this and circular motions on your pubis mons before gently circling your clitoris. He can kiss the inside of your thighs as he massages, and when he notices your clitoris is swollen and you are becoming very wet, he can take over with his tongue which will bring you to orgasm with a bang!

Of course, it's only fair to return the favour the next time. Check out our articles on the male G-spot and how to give the best blow job!

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.


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