As Destiny’s Child once said, “All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me.” The feminist movement has allowed us to live independently of men. There was, of course, a time when women could not get an education, have a job or own property. Now, we are all independent women, or at least we should be; able to live happy and fulfilled lives with or without a man. So, why when it comes to sex, do we still assume that our pleasure is a man’s to give rather than our own to take?
Now, I realize that sounds as if I’m suggesting that you might as well not bother with a man at all. Just masturbate your way to orgasm every time. Well, that’s certainly not what I mean, but it’s time that we stopped blaming men if we are dissatisfied with sex. That’s not to say that men can’t, and shouldn’t, play a part in our sexual pleasure, but it’s not solely his responsibility to ensure that you climax. In fact, most men spend far too much time worrying about whether their lovers will reach orgasm.
Why do you think men constantly ask whether it was “good for you” or if you’re “close yet”? Men tend to over think how a woman is responding to their efforts and, indeed, whether or not she will climax. Not only are these questions unsexy for us, but the fact that his insecurities are prompting the questions, means that he’s not enjoying sex as much as he should be either. So, what can we do to change this?
The first step in ensuring that your sex life is as good as it can possibly be, is to be completely honest with your partner. If you didn’t reach orgasm, don’t tell him that you did and definitely don’t fake one. In addition, be vocal about where you’d like him to touch you, how you want to be touched and when. All women are different and your lover won’t know what turns you on, unless you tell him.
The problem is that many of us lay back and wait to be pleased. This can be nice, of course, but it’s even better if you take an active role in sex. In fact, if you’re not reaching orgasm with your lover, the reason might very well be that you’re not taking an active role.
For example, one of the best ways of making sure you climax is to choose a position in which you are on top, as it gives you control over the speed, angle and depth of his thrusts. In addition, you can grind your hips, as needed, to stimulate your clitoris.
Above all, remember your sexual satisfaction is just as much your responsibility as it is his. Of course, it’s great when a man seems to know exactly when, where and how to touch you and is, therefore, able to bring you to climax. However, if things aren’t working out that way, which they often won’t, don’t assume it’s because he’s ‘bad in bed’, because the power to change things, lies with you.
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