Some of the more honest daters amongst us worry that if our first date lies then the relationship is doomed from then on in, however, some lies are acceptable on a first date as if the truth was revealed in Technicolor so early on, there may never be the all-important second and third date where you can both completely relax and get to know each other better.
Nerves make many first dates forgettable as both man and woman will stumble through dinner just relived to get to the end without saying something stupid. It’s only when the initial ice is broken and you know there is a spark that you can really assess if someone is relationship material or not, so it’s natural to put up a few defences with porky pies.
If we all told the absolute truth on a first date there would never be a second as too much would be revealed far too soon leaving nothing left for the next. Here are a few lies it’s ok to tell:
If you pack biscuits at Sara Lee and he’s a solicitor with a law degree you may be inclined to embellish the truth a little. You may decide to exaggerate the importance of your role which is perfectly fine. Of course he shouldn’t be judging you on your earning potential but it may make you feel like you’re on a better footing. As an author and journalist I actually used to lie about my profession- a lot. I went on over seventy first dates (for research-honest) and after ten I became quite sick of men asking me more about my job than about me as a person. It seems everyone wants to write a book or be a writer/journalist. So after refusing to give out my agents and publishers details for the tenth time, I decided to tell men I was actually production operative at Sara Lee. I’d tell them it was my job to put the cherries on the gateaux’s as they came down the conveyor belt and then wax lyrical about how important it was that they sat in symmetry
Ex-lovers/boyfriends/hook ups are not a great conversation topic on the first date however if they do crop up in conversation lying about them is fine. You don’t want someone you’ve just met to be privy to the murkiness of your break up, or to know just how many people you’ve humped since puberty. Although it’s now more widely accepted that women can have sex for fun before settling down, your history is quite simply none of his business until you are ready to share. Telling the truth whether you’re a virgin or have slept with hundreds will only put an image into his head that’s best saved for further down the line (or in some cases-never).
This date may have been the only good thing to happen to you this month as you could quite possibly be feeling the pinch of the credit crunch, your mum may be interfering in your life, you could even be undergoing custody battles with an ex-husband, but telling your date you are thoroughly miserable is not going to endear him to you. I believe this lie is perfect acceptable until you start sharing the nuances of everyday life such as a bad day at the office.
I once told a date that I needed to leave because I was sure I’d left my straighteners plugged in and turned on. Despite him proclaiming they would have a safety cut off switch I rushed out quite suddenly. I told another I had to return to wait for an important phone call from my boss and said my mobile had run out of charge when I’d just turned it off in my handbag.
I don’t care what others say, I think these lies are perfectly acceptable as the truth would have sounded like this for the straightener guy, “If I listen to one more of your own poems that you’ve written hoping I’ll tell my agent how talented you are I may be forced to tell you that my six year old wrote better last week.”
For the second guy it would have been, “If I don’t leave now I think I’m going to throw up all over my Ceaser salad as your breath is making my stomach turn.”
Of course if you do tell lies remember what they were and try to keep them simple. Also when you come clean be as honest as you can and make sure you reveal everything so no distrust mounts. I think any potential lover will understand the reasons behind these though.
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