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April 16, 2020 2 min read

Masturbation and Relationships

By Ksenia Sobchak

First and foremost, it is important to do away with the myth that suggests masturbation is unhealthy. The truth of the matter is that it’s not unhealthy, it’s not a sin against God, and it’s not a form of cheating. After all, how would that work? You’re cheating on your partner with yourself?! Now that’s not to say that masturbation is completely harmless in a relationship—it just depends on you and your partner’s living situation.

Masturbation is essential early on in a relationship, because both the man and woman must determine for themselves how they can reach orgasm. Men may know how to pleasure themselves until orgasm, but not all women do. Bringing on the female orgasm requires more concentrated stroking and thrusting, with adequate stimulation for the clitoris and possibly the G-spot. If a woman has never pleasured herself to orgasm then she may not know how to let go and come. This puts an unfair pressure on the man to “make her have an orgasm.” It doesn’t work that way. Both partners must be ready and willing to find that orgasm by working together.

Once a man and woman learn how and why they orgasm, they both come one step closer to learning full control over their sexual abilities. It’s important for a person to know his or her “threshold” so that it can be avoided until the proper time. The question now is, since we all know masturbation is a great and wonderful thing, can it be harmful to a relationship?

Only if you are depriving your partner sexually and it’s becoming a major case of desire discrepancy. In simple terms, your partner doesn’t “own” your genitals so you do have the right to masturbate whenever you want to. However, you might ask yourself why are you not including your partner in this sex game? Wouldn’t your partner enjoy a mutual masturbation session? If not, then why? Is there an issue in the relationship that hasn’t been addressed?

Some partners have very different desires. For example, a man may want to masturbate three times a day or more. Good for him, right? However, his wife may only want sex once a week. This obviously creates a huge discrepancy. One popular solution therapists recommend for this situation is that both partners take progressive steps to increase or decrease their sexual appetite. For example, the man can avoid looking at girly magazines if it over stimulates him. Or, the woman can start reading erotic stories throughout the week. Eventually, their desires may become more evenly matched.

An even better idea is to put some more spice into the relationship as a couple. Consider trying new things like sex toys, adult entertainment, advanced foreplay techniques or role playing. It’s easy to see why some lovers become bored of trying the same old sexual techniques over and over again. Instead of asking for more of the same thing, try to introduce your bored partner to more adventurous games. In the end, sex is far more enjoyable if both partners are genuinely excited and not making love as a personal favour!

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