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by Katie Peachesa April 13, 2020 2 min read

My Husband Hates My Vibrator: How To Use Sex Toys In Bed Without Making Him Feel Impotent

By Tatyana Dyachenko

You learn new things about your partner every day. My husband loves looking at sex toys with me, and he absolutely loves shopping online with me for something naughty - but that’s where the lust-filled fascination ends. Unless it’s something for him, or something I wear, he doesn’t want to play with it in the bedroom. I’ve never know why.

A typical dialogue goes something like this:

Will you use the vibrator on me?

That fucking dildo. Sigh. Fine.

*mood kill* Uh, it’s okay honey, I don’t need it.
He’s quite happy that it lives in the nightstand and that I use it regularly by myself or when he’s watching, but he huffs and puffs to no end when I want to share it with him. He enjoys the feeling of the vibrations for sure, but - I later learned - he doesn’t like having it around because he never knows whether my orgasms are from him, or from the (larger) vibrator. It’s like a massive ego-knock when I ask him to get it out.

So how do you introduce sex toys into your shared sex life without making him feel impotent? Here are five things I’ve learnt:

Use vibrating cock rings. You still get the same buzz that will send you over the edge, and he’ll enjoy it just as much. Besides, his is the only dick in the bedroom.
Use a bullet vibrator. It’s smaller and more compact than him, and poses less of a threat.

Let him be in control. If he feels threatened during sex, he can remove the vibrator from play.

Experiment more. Use the toys on him, invite him to try new positions with added stimulation from your toys, and make him feel more comfortable with the idea that they’re there to add to the fun, not replace him.

Tell him you need him. Nothing sends a man over the edge than the frantic whimper of a woman who needs him now. An inanimate battery-operated vibrator just doesn’t compare.

Introducing sex toys into the bedroom doesn’t have to be an awkward experience for him; they’re there to heighten the fun and make it more enjoyable for everyone. Like everything, the more you use them and you make him familiar with how they work and what they do for you, the more comfortable he’ll become with them.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.


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