Six weeks ago I had a good chat with my mum, being a widow for ten years she’d just started seeing a new man.
They’d been together quite a few months, yet were taking “baby steps” as my mum’s greatest fear was going to bed and being naked now she’s over sixty years old.
This must be a worry that passes across many minds of older women, especially when a long marriage has preceded the single life. For over thirty years my mum had grown older with my dad and seeing each other on a daily basis meant that the new wrinkles were hardly noticed. Yet here she was about to offer her body for the first time. The new man won’t ever know what she looked like at 25 (pretty amazing, she was a model) all he’ll know is the 62 year old frame complete with wrinkles and stretch marks.
So mum asked my advice. She told me she was playing it cool as she didn’t want to be slutty. She also worried about things ending once they’d slept together when she was enjoying things the way they were.
When Dad was alive mum was always open about sex. She taught me lots, as did my Grandma and she never missed a new trend or a chance to try out the new Cosmo position, so this seemed a little strange to me, to turn the tables.
Yet I knew that she needed to get this step out of the way. “His last girlfriend was 35, how can I compete with that?”
Quite simply, don’t.
My answer was pretty straightforward. From what I’ve learned, being a sex therapist and an agony aunt, I could let her into some secrets she’s missed while she’s been celibate for 10 years. I told her,
“When you have sex, he won’t even be thinking about your body and how it looks. He will be nervous as hell. He’s got a 30 year marriage to live up to and he needs to prove he can pleasure you. He’ll be worried about keeping an erection, finding your special spots and also how his body looks with the light on. Once you relax and get into it, he’ll hardly see your body as he’ll be so close so will be enjoying the way you feel, not look. If you’re going to go further, it’s about time you let go and just have a bit of fun. If he dumps you afterwards, you’ve had a lucky escape. Plus, you can tell him you’re glad he called an end to it as the sex was so disappointing you couldn’t bear having to endure it again!”
Now this must have worked as this Sunday, she rang while I was knee deep in poster paints and a roast on my day off. The conversation went like this:
Mum, “I’m sorry I didn’t reply to your text a few hours ago.”
Me, “It’s fine.”
Mum, “I was a little tied up.”
Me, “I thought you must be.”
Mum, “To the bed..”
Me, “Ok… it’s 3pm!”
Mum, “I know I’ve just got up. I was getting my manjuice, it makes me look younger”
Me, “Ahh.. that’s great.”
Mum, “Ohhh the things we get up to, he’s so good in bed…”
Me, “Reminds me, I must go check on my pork.”
That wasn’t the end of it. 5 minutes later, my phone buzzed with a text.
“Haha I can have dirty Sundays in bed and you can’t because you’ve got kids! Haha!”
I’ve unleashed a monster! One that’s getting more sex than me! I can’t believe I’m jealous of my 62 year old mother’s sex life but I am!
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