I've just married the love of my life. We are best friends and adore each other. We've been best friends for many years. Although I was happy kissing and cuddling before we got marriage I did think this would progress to sex on our honeymoon. However, when I try to go further my wife runs away. She backs off completely and won't let me touch her intimately or see her naked. I never want to lose her but I'd love to share this with her. She's mentioned she thinks her feelings will change if she has sex with me. What can I do?
First of all I think you have had the patience of a saint. You must truly adore this woman to wait so long with no reward. The fact you love her is evident. I think to succeed you're going to have to be a little more patient.
There are many reasons why a woman won't have sex and love rarely comes into it. She either
Doesn't find the man attractive
Is scared of showing her own body
Feels ugly or smelly down there
Doesn't think sex is a loving act between two people
You wife sounds like she has little confidence. You can help build this by ignoring the so called celebrity culture and making sure she knows you find her body irresistible. She will probably need some counselling too, you could go to marriage guidance counselling together. Despite popular belief this is not just for couples who are going to divorce it is also for couples like you who have a problem that needs an objective third party to intervene and help solve it.
Be prepared for anything that may come up. It sounds as if your wife thinks you may see her differently after sex. Maybe she's had sex before and being treated badly afterwards or maybe she has been abused as a child or adult and associates sex with feelings of fear and regret rather than love and respect.
She could also worry about her vagina. These come in all different shapes and sizes but some women (just like men) do get hung up on their genitals and only by having surgery do they feel confident enough to become naked.
Whatever the reason, just keep doing what you're doing. Your patience will pay off and my how sweet it will be when it does!
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