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by Katie Peachesa April 09, 2020 2 min read

Pre-Sex Paralysis: What Is It And How Does It Affect Me?

By Elena Ognivtseva

Picture this: you’ve just spent the last half an hour making out with your guy on the couch. You’re both hot and sweaty, you’re delirious with desire, and he’s already shirtless and gyrating on top of you. You know what comes next.

Except: it doesn’t, if you suffer from pre-sex paralysis.

It’s not a deadly disease or a medically-treatable condition. It’s a mental state that forces people to clam up, shut down, and go frigid and cold within seconds of a steamy session or suggestive hint. You can control it and prevent it, but you have to know what it’s all about and how it affects you before you can work at preventing it.

According to Katherine Freeney, it’s a condition of the over-thinking variety. It’s not just about intellectuals and clever clogs who descend into a delirium of self-awareness and panic: it’s for anyone who is faced with choices and who thinks about those choices before moving forward.

Katherine suggests that pre-sex paralysis is better coined “analysis paralysis” in its early stages. If you’re getting down and dirty with your guy and you suddenly start to overanalyse everything, analysis paralysis starts to set in. One moment you’re thinking about how toned his abs are, and the next you’re thinking about how flabby you feel and how you shouldn’t have had that extra slice of pizza. It’s just a stone’s throw away from “am I good enough?”, “where is this going?”, and “what am I going to look like at our wedding?” Bingo: you’ve got it bad.

So how do you cure this pre-sex dilemma? First things first: do you know you do it? You need to start off by creating an open communication channel with your guy (or girl) and be very clear about it: tell him that the long and the short of it is that you overthink things. It’s important that you let go of your quasi intellectual side and just enjoy the moment, and he might be able to help you by completely distracting you with delightful caresses and suggestive hip movements. Analysis paralysis sets in before you’re drunk with desire but after you’ve begun, so you’ve got to hold back on those thoughts and try to just go with it.

If you can’t stop yourself, try to contain yourself. Stop him for a moment, breathe, and then – as Katherine suggests – have a good laugh. You were there seconds ago and it’s not going to take much to get you back there, but the key thing is to remember that it’s all in your thoughts and it doesn’t matter what you look like, what you feel like – and it definitely doesn’t matter what you’re going to look like at your not-yet-existent wedding. Just go with it: if he didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be there.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.

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