Relationship Don'ts: Snooping

Relationship Don'ts: Snooping

By Ksenia Sobchak

When it comes to my list of relationship don’ts, snooping ranks pretty damn high. There’s no faster way to get yourself labelled as a crazy than by getting caught as you intently sift through your partner’s sent emails. Most of us have the common sense to realize that it’s a major violation of trust and can do irreparable damage to a relationship, but when there’s any kind of angst between you and your squeeze, snooping becomes terribly tempting. I get it; I’ve been there. It’s still a bad idea though, so next time you feel the urge to snoop it’s worth reminding yourself of a few things.

One thing that’s all too easy to forget when snooping is that anything you find will be completely out of context. Short of finding explicit evidence that your partner is cheating or planning to dump you, the best you can do is speculate on what you’ve got. Funny thing about speculation is, it’s often wrong. Context is all important, and you have no clue what context that “great seeing you again, we should meet up sometime soon” was sent in. He’s meeting an unknown woman for dinner, cheating or business meeting? You don’t know and making assumptions can cause all kinds of unnecessary drama. Besides, you’re only snooping in the first place because you’re feeling anxious and suspicious, and that kind of mind set will have you leaping to any conclusion.

Then of course there’s the obvious fact that whatever you find in your snooping, you can’t really act on any of it. No matter what kind of dirt you dig up, confronting your partner about it will immediately see them saying something like “wait…you’re telling me you went through all my text messages while I was asleep? What’s wrong with you?” They’ll be right too. Tough to accuse someone of being untrustworthy when you’ve been violating their privacy. Even if you do the smart thing and keep your mouth shut, you’ve still got those speculations eating away at you. Ignorance is bliss for a reason. Oh, and in case you’ve forgotten, the damning evidence you think you’ve dug up may very well be nothing but conjecture. Who the hell is Jessica you’d like to know, and why is he spending a weekend away with her? Turns out, Jess is his sister and you are now the ex-girlfriend.

At the end of the day snooping isn’t just a breach of trust it’s usually not even worth it. Even if you find exactly what you were looking for, you’re left in an impossible position. Either do nothing and suffer in silence, or call them on it and be forever known as a suspicious, possessive crazy. The bottom line is that trust is an essential part of any relationship and if you can’t trust your lover enough to stay out of their outbox, you probably don’t have much of a relationship in the first place.