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Sex After Divorce – 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido

by Jekaterina Gussarova August 06, 2022 4 min read

Sex After Divorce – 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido

Sex After Divorce – 4 Things That Will Affect Your Libido

Are you finalizing your divorce process, or are you already divorced and wondering why your sexual drive is also dropping? Well, divorce comes with its box of negative issues that can affect your libido, including adapting to the new you, forgetting your shitty partner, learning about sex again, and building your lowered self-confidence.

So, you thought divorce would give you enough time to flirt and embrace your sexuality once again? Maybe you were right, based on numerous tales your friends told you before filing your divorce. Or, you were hell tired with your marriage where your ex-spouse denied you your conjugal rights, and you thought you could pay for that after divorce.

While about 5% of people become sexually active after divorce, almost 99% suffer a lowered libido resulting from various factors. Separation can be a source of happiness as it feels like freeing a bird from a cage. However, the pain of entering into another relationship is discomforting, which lead to low libido in the following ways:

1. Forgetting Your Ex-Spouse Is Hard

The feeling of being single again has both positive and negative impacts on your mentality. Yes, maybe your ex-spouse was shitty and uncontrollable. However, this is someone you have shared your life, secrets, and happy moments with for a long time. Therefore, forgetting them is a challenge, especially if you think about all the intimate moments you had.

Your friends will advise you to go to the gym, go out with your close friends, have time with your pets, book a vacation, or restock your wardrobe. They may not know that their words burn you from inside, and unless they have also gone through a divorce, they cannot help you solve your sexual desires. Therefore, instead of improving your libido, you take a lot of time thinking about your ex-spouse, which affects your sex life.

2. It Is Challenging to Adapt to Your New Identity and Sexuality

You have lived as couples or love partners for a long time until your partner knows who you are and what you like. They also know your sexuality, what turns you on and off. But suddenly, you are alone, and you have to adapt to a new you. So, do you continue acting like before, or do you have to change your reactions to attract a new partner?

After divorce, everything changes, including your food, your night dates, you drop some friends and even focus more on yourself. Worse still, you have to change your sex schedule since you now have no sex partner unless you go around having random sexual encounters. Therefore, adapting to your new identity greatly impacts your sex life which can lower your libido. While some people take a shorter time to change, others can take months or a year to be in an official relationship.

3. You Need Time to Learn About Sex Again

Just like understanding your new identity, you may also need to learn more about sex if you intend to be perfect in your new relationship. For instance, in your old marriage, you had sex at a specific time, place and did it in your specific way. Your ex-spouse liked it that way, which means you had little time to learn new tips.

Now that you are single again and ready for a new relationship, you wonder if you are good enough in bed. The worries and stress leave you with negative thoughts, which may also affect your libido. Therefore, learning about new sex tips may take time, limiting you from exploring your sexuality.

4. Building Your Self-Confidence

The problem with society is that it views divorce as a marriage failure. People and even your friends will start misjudging you based on your decisions. Others will drop you think you cannot maintain a long-lasting relationship. However, they may not understand your journey and the war you fought before settling for divorce. All these lead to one thing; frustration.

While you may act strong even after all these critics, the truth is that your self-confidence is likely to go down. The struggle again is to build your confidence and courage to face new relationships. How you pick up your broken pieces and build a new personality determines if your libido will stay on track.

How to Improve Your Sex Life After Divorce

Though divorce is impactful to your overall sex life, at least various ways can help you get off the burden, enjoy your sexuality once again, and enhance your libido after divorce:

Hit the Gym and Exercise Regularly

Once you are alone, you may find yourself staying most of the time indoors and having little time with your friends. Why not use this time to exercise or sign up in your nearest gym? Exercising after divorce helps you get off your ex-spouse and make your body more active. Performing specific moves like Kegel exercises also enhances your sexuality and strengthens pelvic floor muscles. However, do not exercise beyond your limits.

Sign Up for Sex Therapy

Talking to your sex educator after divorce can also help you regain and build your libido. If you are greatly affected by the process, you can go for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Psychologist. Talking to your divorced and married friends can also help you heal faster.

Take Your Time Before the Next Relationship

After divorce, do not rush to get into a new relationship as it may lead to more frustrations if they also fail. Take time to correct your messes, learn more about sex tips, and identify where your mistakes are. You may think you are strong immediately after divorce, but your strength will leave you after some days, leading to frustrations. Therefore, to avoid repeating the same mistakes, take enough rest before the next engagement.

The Bottom Line

All divorces are not as chaotic as you think. While one couple may divorce and become enemies, some partners can decide to be friends with benefits (FWB) even after the breakup. Again, one partner may take a long time to heal, while the other can heal after days or weeks. Therefore, although the effects will vary from one person to another, it is advisable to accept the situation and move on. Leaning on the past can affect your sexuality, which lowers your libido.

Jekaterina Gussarova
Jekaterina Gussarova


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