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by Katie Peachesa April 10, 2020 3 min read

So You Think You're A Submissive: What Now?

By Tatyana Dyachenko

The Fifty Shades Craze has hit the female population hard. It's smacked them around a bit, dared them to take the leap and show the world that they have a libido. It's tickled their inner-most desires, and many of them suddenly realised that hey, how hot is that Christian Grey?

It also means that there are a lot of unanswered questions out there. And let's set the record straight right here: it's not all whips and chains, honey. Sure, it's a nice fantasy, but in the real world, most submissives aren't walking around with their mouth over a bit on the other end of the leash. Being a submissive isn't as simple as that.

Let's set another record straight here: being a submissive isn't something bad. You don't need rescuing from it. You aren't going to get bullied. When you try out a new D/s dynamic, it's all consensual. You talk it through, and you agree what is/isn't allowed. You establish a safe word, or a safe action. You figure out quick-release plans if you're tied up in knots.

If you're only coming into your submissive capacity now and you're in a relationship already, take things slow. Discuss things with your partner, or slowly introduce soft restraints into the bedroom. If you're lucky, you'll hit the jackpot and your current partner will naturally fall into the Dominant role. If you're like me, you'll end up with an unexpected, yet fulfilling, naturally semi-submissive partner. It's an unusual dynamic, but it works. Sometimes we don't have D/s sex. And that's okay.

There's something else you should know too: most submissives aren't submissive to just anyone. Oh no. And the chances are, they're not submissive in their day job either. I'm a company director with a strong reputation for being difficult. My partner is a corporate banker. We're both pretty high-powered. But there's something about coming home and relinquishing control that sends both of us off the edge. It could be because nobody would dare try to do that to either of us beyond the bedroom boundaries - and there's something thrilling about being told what to do when you know you have the strength and the reputation to refuse.

It could also be because when we get home, we want to switch off and let someone else run the show. Whatever the reason, we're both into it. I love him completely, so I trust him completely - and he's the only person in the entire world I'd let talk to me like that.

We have a strong connection and can easily feel where things are leading, and one of us will naturally take the dominant role if the other one has particular urges. It took us a while to figure it all out after I admitted my desires to him, but now it's just what we do. Yes - I could find a Master Right elsewhere, but we already have a strong foundation, not to mention financial and family commitments outside of the bedroom.

Your unique submissive experience will work for you - and the cliche is true, everybody is different. If the idea of being ravished by a strong, powerful man sends shivers up your spine, then you may have a submissive inkling. If you feel like a strong spiritual and emotional connection with your partner, the chances are, you'll have the chance to explore these in a safe submissive setting.

Still interested? Then it's time to explore those urges. Put down your softback novel or your e-Reader, and start investigating online resources that give you an introduction to the BDSM lifestlye. It might turn out that you're all leather and whips - the only way to find out is to dip your toe in! Read Jay Wiseman's guide on Ten Tips for the Novice, Single, Heterosexual, Submissive Womanit's a great starting point for anyone trying to find their feet.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.

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