Can you survive a bad sex partner? Can a relationship last if the sex is really that bad? You might think such questions are life-defining moments that force you to choose between your head and your heart, or between a life of passion and a life of responsibility.
Not so! The fact of the matter is that sex, like any human behaviour, must be learned. Lovemaking ability is not like “charisma”, a special quality that only a few people have. Good sex can be learned. Willing partners can learn from experienced partners. A couple stuck in a rut can experiment with new ideas and new concepts to rev up their lazy sex life. There are always solutions to these problems. What matters is that you and your partner are committed to working these problems out and finding a solution in order to save the relationship from turning “sour.”
Defining Good and Bad Sex: The first point you must figure out (the both of you) is why the sex is “bad.” What makes sex good or bad in your opinion? Stop thinking in terms of what your partner lacks or who you wish your partner was. Instead, make a list of the things that really turn you on and share this information with your partner. Once your partner knows what you like, it’s much easier to turn you on and bring you to orgasm.
Communication is Essential: Do not make the mistake of assuming that good sex happens without communication. You may have had better sex with a different partner than you have now, but that fabulous encounter happened by accident. (Your ex assumed you liked something, you did, and so you had a hot encounter…no big mystery). The truth is that no real relationship can survive without communication and it takes communication of every sort: emotional, intellectual, sensual and sexual.
Desire Discrepancy: You and your partner must discuss how often you would like to have sex and then make time for it. You don’t have to “schedule” time if the lack of spontaneity bothers you. However, you must be willing to drop what you’re doing and focus on pleasing your partner as often as possible. This is why it’s essential to discuss your needs with your partner, so you can understand if your partner is being deprived of something he or she needs.
Self Control and Pleasing Your Partner: Although men usually have more problems in this area than women, the lessons apply to both sexes. You must aim to please your partner before yourself. There are many “control” exercises that over-eager partners can learn in order to last longer in the foreplay or intercourse stage. Good sex is about prolonging the sensation and being devoted to making your partner orgasm—at any cost!
Experimenting with Sex: The best way to induce erotic response in a partner is to try new things, and to find new concepts in sex that are especially titillating to your partner. Relax…you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. In fact, some couples have found that “trying new things” can be as simple as buying a sex toy online or a new positions book online. What matters is that you are striving to keep the relationship new and exciting rather than allowing it to grow stale.
Yes, your relationship can survive “bad sex.” It’s just a matter of turning bad sex into good sex with a little homework and lots of practice!
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