Most weeks I’ll let you know about the latest bestselling books on relationships and sex and this week is no different as on a friend’s recommendation I’ve picked up “The Rose Petal Beach” and found myself enthralled from the outset. This is for a number of reasons, but many of them centre around the exploration of sex, as the protagonist finds that her husband not only enjoys porn but adores porn where a woman is being raped.
An Uneasy Read
It follows then that her best friend accuses him of sexual assault and then of course the lead character, Tami, has a difficult time trying to decide who to believe. I won’t ruin the story for those who’d like to read it, but be warned it may highlight some problems in your own relationship.
It struck a chord with me, as I’m now on my second marriage. My first was obviously doomed from the outset because I knew he had sociopathic tendencies, a sex addiction and a need for hero worship from the very beginning, yet I chose to ignore it as I strongly believed we could make it work. After a few years of loud but passionate arguments, and shocking revelations about his extra marital affairs I finally gave up and called it a day. I was quite simply exhausted.
However, it didn’t stop there, he contested the divorce in a bizarre belief that we’d get back together (despite his mistress being pregnant with his child) and then used the children to try and retain contact for a whole eighteen months. Luckily they escaped unharmed and untainted and he disappeared into the horizon with his new family once he’d realise that this time I wouldn’t accept the apology.
So I can relate to all of the emotions that Tami endures as she discovers her husband is a sociopath, but what worries me is she’s been married for twelve years and never once had any suspicion.
In fact her marriage sounds much like my second, as she married her best friend from school - SNAP, her husband doesn’t look at porn - SNAP (I know there’s nothing wrong with porn, it can actually help a relationship but after being married to a sex addict it’s a relief not to find magazines and DVDs stuffed down sofas and mattresses - it’s also nice to work on the computer without a virus from a dodgy site!) , she works from home -SNAP, they are tactile and still have an active sex life despite the longevity of their relationship-SNAP. So you can imagine my surprise when this almost perfect marriage was laid out and I nodded my way through thinking, yep that’s us, maybe a little boring for some but harmonious and loving none the less, and then wham, her husband is a sexual predator of the worst kind.
Obviously I questioned my own husband and wondered if he was just like my first but with a higher IQ that enabled him to hide it better. I’m sure I won’t be the only one as this book is now in the top ten bestsellers, so just as 50 shades of Grey prompted wives everywhere to bring out the bondage, this will be making us question our own little existence.
Is Your Partner the Devil in Disguise?
So how do you tell if your partner is in fact the devil in disguise? The first step is to be completely honest with yourself. Are there any niggles you’re trying to ignore as they seem a little silly? Do you have suspicions that you’ve buried deep down as you’re afraid to confront them? Or do you trust your partner 100%?
If you do have suspicions this could be just your own insecurities or there could indeed be something there, so delve a little deeper. Is his computer password protected? Would he instantly hand over his phone if you needed to text your mum? Could you answer his calls without him worrying about who’s on the other end?
Then there’s the actions, does he make a point of staying up later than you even if you know he’s over tired? Does he stay late at work or go out to places you’ve never been before? Does he wash his clothes when he returns late or hide them at the back of the wardrobe?
Despite the Rose Petal Beach worrying women across the UK, partners do suspect if something is amiss. I strongly believe that no one could have a marriage of over ten years without any suspicion whatsoever. So if you do trust your partner 100% and you’re happy with what you’ve got, embrace it and pick up a copy of the Rose Petal Beach to remind yourself just how good your marriage is!
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