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July 27, 2022 5 min read

The Science of Desire. Why Subtracting Adds More

The problem with sexual desire is that you always think of what to add to bring up the spice in your relationships. We tend to forget that, at times, there are things that need to be subtracted from our life so that we can have fun in our sexual life. There are instances where some things tend to bring a hindrance than a solution in our sexual life. Some of these things are referred to as sexual inhibitors. They include; stress, anxiety, and body image issues.

Less is always more in some cases. When things don’t go your way when engaging in sexual activities, we tend to focus more on adding things. This may build more to the problem instead of providing a solution. You may think that maybe you are fixing the issue by adding sexiness to the whole problem, but in the real sense, you are going about the whole issue wrong. The most important thing is to make sure that you check on the issue at hand, and you may find that subtracting some things may be the way to go. You can always remove the things that turn you off, and you will likely solve that problem. In terms of desires, some things will activate you and turn you on, and those that will inhibit you and turn you off.

What is Sexual Desire?

Moccia et al. (2018) explained that sexual desire refers to the emotions or the state in which one gains interest in sexual activities or the drive in which one looks out for sexual objects. Several factors can cause them. Some of these factors include; beliefs, individual experiences, current relationships, and a person's emotional and physical well-being. Some factors may activate the sexual desire, while others may inhibit the desire for sex. The ones that inhibit sex are the ones that need to be removed so that you can get to enjoy your sexual life. They are known as sexual inhibitors.

Sexual Inhibition System

According to McCarthy & McCarthy (2013), some things are likely to turn off the feelings of someone's desires. Most of these inhibitors block your sexual desires and take you out of your sexual mood. These inhibitors include depression, fears surrounding STIs, body image issues, and anxiety.

Fear Of Sexually Transmitted Infections

You often wish to engage in sexual activities, but the fear of getting sexually transmitted infections is high. This makes you prefer not to have fun with your significant other. The best thing, in this case, is to avoid the fear that you have within you and find ways that you can have sex and not think of contracting sexually transmitted infections. El Kazdouh et al. (2019) suggested that wearing a condom will be the best solution to this as this way, and you are guaranteed to feed your sexual desires without the fear of acquiring sexually transmitted infections. The fact that you have subtracted the fears of getting sexually transmitted infections proves that you are adding the possibility of having fun with your partner.

Body Image Issues

Aborisade (2022) reported that most people fear being naked with their significant other. They sometimes feel like their body is unattractive, making them uncomfortable with their significant other. This makes one have lower sexual self-esteem. This sometimes makes one avoid having sex with their significant other. Once you remove the thoughts that you do not have a banging body and are not comfortable in your shape, you will enjoy having sexual activities with your partner. At times one is afraid being judged by your partner because of your body shape can hinder having fun with them. The best thing is to remove the fear, and you will see that that was what made you not get turned on in the bedroom. Once it is taken away, you will discover that it was the barrier to having pleasure with your partner.

Stress

When stressed, there are moments when one feels like they are not aroused as they would love to be. It may be that you are not getting turned on physically or mentally. This can be an issue, especially if one is tired or stressed about something. You may come up with ways to solve it but still not get the answer to your problem. You may sometimes get that you are doing so much by adding to the stress instead of subtracting it. This becomes a hindrance to your sexual desire. The best thing is to find the cause of the stress and try not to think about it. Once stress is eliminated, you will likely return to your ways and be turned on.

Overconfidence

Confidence is not an issue; it is needed when making out with your significant other. But sometimes, it may be too much that can turn someone off. It can also make you not perform well in the bedroom and end up disappointed. You may be eager to have fun with your partner but have premature ejaculation, or the penis may fail to erect. It is always okay to keep it simple in the bedroom activities. Avoid being overconfident and enjoy the time and moment with your partner.

Importance Of Understanding the Science of Desire

Many people are experiencing issues with desire. It may be with their partners or themselves. Most of the time, the focus is always on adding more rather than taking away. Not everything requires one to add something so that you get the pleasure you desire. Most times, it is always great if you try subtracting, and you will see that it brings an advantage to your bedroom activities and desires.

It is always great if you try removing the brakes rather than adding gas. It will surprisingly be more effective. Anytime you feel like your desire is taking a toll or going downhill, take some time and think about what makes you feel that way. Get to know the barriers and blocks hindering you from getting pleasure. Most times, not adding the sexy costumes but taking them away will do the trick.

Conclusion

When you feel overwhelmed, the best thing to do is to subtract the activities you think are a hindrance to the bedroom. Most of the time, we think of adding; at times, it may work, but subtracting can do a lot more. The natural thought of always adding things sometimes hinders fun activities and offers no efficient solutions. Sometimes for progress to happen, you need to take something away from your life. When it comes to desire and feeling overwhelmed, try subtracting something, which may work to your advantage.

References

El Kazdouh, H., El-Ammari, A., Bouftini, S., El Fakir, S., & El Achhab, Y. (2019). Perceptions and intervention preferences of Moroccan adolescents, parents, and teachers regarding risks and protective factors for risky sexual behaviors leading to sexually transmitted infections in adolescents: qualitative findings. Reproductive Health, 16(1), 1-17.

McCarthy, B., & McCarthy, E. (2013). Rekindling desire. Routledge.

Moccia, L., Mazza, M., Nicola, M. D., & Janiri, L. (2018). The experience of pleasure: a perspective between neuroscience and psychoanalysis. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 12, 359.

Aborisade, R. A. (2022). Image-based sexual abuse in a culturally conservative Nigerian society: Female victims’ narratives of psychosocial costs. Sexuality research and social policy, 19(1), 220-232.

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