Part of the fun of a great Hollywood movie is enjoying how amazing the beautiful men and women look on the silver screen. But sometimes the scenes in which they finally get together aren’t quite the sensual, erotic moment we’ve been waiting for. Instead, we get a moment so unsexy it’s somehow brilliant. These are our top 3 unsexy moments!
Elizabeth Berkley’s “exotic dancer” has been climbing to the top of the lucrative and back-biting nude dancing industry and seems to have finally made it when she seduces Kyle McLachlan’s influential promoter. The two get strip naked and get into the swimming pool, where Berkley proceeds to climb on top of McLachlan and flop around on him, splashing around in the water like a fish that’s running out of oxygen. Like the rest of the film, it’s hilariously funny but deeply unsexy.
Madonna is no stranger to putting her body on show, as we recently saw with her nipple-baring stunt in Istanbul. In the early 90s she made sure that as many people as possible saw her in all her glory. Her character is charged with killing her elderly lover with the power of her sex (this is a legal thriller, by the way) and she quickly seduces Willem Dafoe’s married lawyer with her talk of animals rutting. The unsexy sexiness unfolds quickly, as she ties him up and dribbles candle wax all over him. There’s a lot of flesh on display but there’s nothing remotely erotic in the two performances.
A sequel to the steamy 1992 Sharon Stone/Michael Douglas classic had been in the work for years before it was finally underway. 14 years later on, Stone’s Catherine Trammell is still in trouble for sexy murderous escapades. British character actor Davd Morrissey is appointed to see whether or not she’s insane, but his interest quickly turns personal rather than professional. Their mutual attraction is consummated with a brief scene of awkward thrusting, as Stone edgily whips a belt around Morrissey’s neck to help him reach his climax. The choreographed “intensity” is totally laughable.
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