I get a lot of emails to the blog email and I appreciate it. It allows me to write about what YOU the reader wants to read. That being said I’ve been getting email after email asking about what a man wants in and out of the bedroom. Some even complaining about their man. He’s not attentive to my needs, He won’t take out the trash, he won’t fix my car, he won’t, he won’t, he won’t.
The following post is NOT me saying that you ladies don’t have needs other than sexual needs that need to be met as well and keep in mind that most of my posts are about what he needs to different for you.
What a man really wants.
We get accused of being simple-minded creatures that only care about two things. What we want and sex. And though that may have some truth to it I want you to consider it from a different angle.
Maybe that’s the only side we show. Maybe there is a whole lot more to us than meets the eye but we choose to keep it hidden. (My fellow-men are going to hate me for exposing their secrets)
Especially once a man has been hurt he tends to withdraw into himself. I’m not saying it’s fair that some woman you’ve probably never even met totally messed things up for you. What I’m saying is just because it appears he don’t care doesn’t mean he don’t.
You’re waiting on him to prove that he’s not like other men, and he’s waiting on you to prove you are like other women. Women tend to be more trusting than men and take men at face value until we prove we’re not worth it. Men tend to be less trusting until you prove you are worth it.
(Woman) OMG Becky, I thought he was different, I can’t believe he cheated on me.
(Man) yep, she cheated. I knew it was just a matter of time…..they’re all the same.
You’re expecting us to be different and we’re expecting you to be the same.
I agree, it’s not fair that we group all women in the same category but neither is it fair that we get grouped into an all the same category either. Just like all women don’t lie and cheat neither do all men. Just like all women aren’t selfish, all men aren’t shallow.
What if I told you that we want all the same things from you that you want from us? Just maybe expressed a little different.
You want to be touched? Made to feel special? Hugged for no reason? Told you’re missed? Held? Loved on? Made to feel like you’re his whole world? SO DO WE!
Sometimes deep down we believe in love more than you do and want the fairytale more than you ever have. but part of Being a man is not showing or saying it.
From a young age we are taught to not show emotion.
“Stop crying, and be a man”
“Stop whining and be a man”
“Suck it up son, be a man”
Subconsciously we start to associate emotions with weakness, and lack of emotions as being a man until without even trying anymore we keep our feelings and emotions pushed so far down it appears we don’t have any when in all reality we feel everything you feel but have learned all too well how to hide it. If you lie to us it hurts though we may not even confront you. If you cheat it breaks our heart too but we won’t show it. We’ll go to the bar with our buddies and sit there in silence cuz our buddies know what we’re feeling. but we’ll be damned if we’ll talk about it…we feel, we just don’t show.
The biggest misconception among men is somehow showing emotion makes us less of a man or less tough. My Grandfather (may he rest in peace) I feel was a man’s man, he was as tough as nails yet had no problem showing emotion or expressing feelings so even though this misconception exists, so does the potential for change in a man. What I mean is your man can learn to show his emotions and feelings but it may be up to you to trick him into it.
Before we get into what he wants lets cover a little more about who he is. What does being a man mean to a man?
First and foremost we want to be a good provider, we are judged by other men and we judge ourselves on how well we provide.
Second we pride ourselves in being able to protect.
Third we want to be the best lover you’ve ever had ( I know a lot of men don’t take the time to learn how the female body works but in his defense, in his mind he’s rocking your world based on the knowledge he has, unfortunately what he knows he’s learned from porn and its incorrect)
So how do you get him to be the man you want? Be the woman he wants. (and yes this applies to him too)
So what does he want?
He wants to be wanted not just needed, he wants to be more than a paycheck or a sense of security. He wants to be greeted with a hug and a kiss when he walks in from work, He wants to know you appreciate all that he does but in addition to and more importantly, he wants to be appreciated for WHO he is, not just what he is. He wants to be your provider and he wants you to take pride in how he provides for you. I don’t care if you live in a tent or a mansion if you’re always complaining he’s going to take it personal, even if you don’t specifically mean it that way.
Stop complaining and be appreciative and watch how much more he’ll do for you
He wants to think he’s attractive to you. We know we have a beer belly and maybe a spare tire to go with it but that don’t change how he wants to feel. We as men tend to do stuff backwards, we want the results first then we’ll put in the work. How many men do you know that got into better shape AFTER they started dating someone new? Why is that? She made him feel sexy so he wanted to be sexy for her. If you aren’t giving your man’s body attention chances are pretty good he isn’t either.
Couple gets divorced and the woman is eating low-fat yogurt watching Billy Banks tae bo dvd’s because she knows she’s going to be back on the dating scene again and she wants to feel good about herself. The man however goes to the bar drags his beer belly ass up on the bar stool and hits on the woman beside him. What’s he doing? He’s seeing if there is anything out there worth changing for. God forbid she finds him attractive or even worse make him feel like he is cuz he’ll pawn his wedding ring to pay for a gym membership… all because she gave him some attention.
He wants to be the best lover you’ve ever known. “But he’s not doing it right” well then tell him. There are ways to let him know what you want without tearing him down. How about “honey let’s try this? Or I was reading an article and found something I really want you to try on me, is there anything you want me to try on you? Holy shit did you just open the lines of communication? That wasn’t so hard now was it. :) Compliment him on what he does right and suggest “we try” new things but never in the same conversation. We’re big but we aren’t dumb lol
Put on something slutty every once in a while, something he finds sexy then go about doing whatever it is you do in the evenings, tease him make him want you. It doesn’t have to be lingerie. Me personally, a pair of boxers and a tank top will drive me over the edge every time, maybe a pair of pajama pants with no panties. Find out what HE likes then give it to him.
Be a slut, you’ve heard it said we want a lady in the living room but a slut in the bedroom. It’s true. You want to be desired by him, want to feel like he just can’t take it anymore but must have you now. When’s the last time you walked up to him and took what you wanted? All I’m saying is it’s a two-way street. Start giving him everything you want and most likely he’ll start giving you everything you want.
“But he used to be everything I wanted then he changed” Was there a reason he changed? Did you hurt him? Reject him? I’m not saying these are the only reasons men stop showing their feelings. the truth is it may not be your fault at all, but a lot of the time there is a reason he withdraws. Just like women have their reasons for withdrawing
I know some of you are saying “when he starts treating me better, I’ll start treating him better” That’s an option too but you may just end up with things being what they are instead of what they could be. And just like you’re vulnerable to someone coming along and meeting your needs, so is he, so think about what it is you really want. I agree it’s just as much our responsibility as men as it is yours to make a relationship work but this post is about what a man wants ;)
I’m going to wrap this post up since I am way over on word count but let me leave you with this.
Darren Hardy the editor of Success Magazine said when he was a young man he sat down and wrote out everything he wanted in a woman, He described every characteristic in detail. Then he wrote another list. He then described what kind of man he would have to be in order to attract and keep such a woman. My point is this. We have to be the companion and lover that is worthy of the companion and lover we want.
If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life that is trustworthy and loves you for you, don’t let life get in the way, don’t let the little things ruin something that can be great.
So what does a man really want?
He wants is to be loved, cherished and respected, which is exactly what you want as his companion so whether you are a man or a woman reading this……Be the person you want him/her to be.
As always your comments are welcomed.
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