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by Katie Peachesa April 09, 2020 3 min read

What You Need to Know When He Can't Perform

By Ekaterina Mironova

There's always a lot of talk about women faking orgasm as by their very nature and stimuli women's orgasms are more elusive than a man's. Many of us envy the way they seem to be able to climax with very little persuasion or stand to attention just with the sight of a ripe bottom in a thong!

However, a much less talked about subject is the man's inability to become aroused. This is not to be confused with erectile dysfunction which may need medical attention but the occasional times when you're all ready to go and he quite simply, is not.

Although we talk about many things with our friends, sometimes airing this problem seems like a betrayal to our partners. When the situation does occur we blame ourselves assuming that he no longer finds us attractive or he hasn't the lust left to become aroused. However, I've done a little digging and spoken to a few men who were willing to share their subconscious if only I kept their name out of the loop. The results were quite simply astonishing and made me realise that men and women are not too unalike at all.

Nerves

Nerves play a big part in a man's ability to perform. His desire to please you can sometimes act as a huge trigger in his brain that quite simply switches his testosterone off. All sorts of things run through his mind and this will only be solved with reassurance, along with some subtly dropped compliments that make him realise he's the best lay you've ever had.

Your Ex

This is closely linked to the above. It doesn't matter if you've had thirty previous partners or one long term relationship, your ex will be on his mind. Was his penis bigger? Was he better in bed? Did he please you better? One man I spoke to said he fancied the pants of his girlfriend and couldn't believe his luck of finally getting her to be his, however during sex his eyes were drawn to her tattoo of her ex's name. Although he had prior knowledge of this, the damage was done and they was no climax for him that night! (They're now happily married with children, so it wasn't the end).

Lack of Foreplay

Yes! Men can suffer from a lack of foreplay too. There's a difference between the quickies when you look at him with lust declaring you want it right now, and the long-time loving you want to get over with quickly so you can return to watching your favourite TV show. If you're faking being in the mood he will be able to tell and no matter if you were a busty glamour model he still would find it difficult to get aroused. The quickies are usually not as quick as some may think as you may have built up the expectation with flirty texts, phone calls or even just touching during the day waiting for the moment to pounce. Whereas when there's been no build up and you've almost ignored each other all day, but you're offering yourself because you know you should, passion is hard to ignite.

There are other factors too such as work stress, lack of self-esteem, medications and tiredness, however the worst thing you can do is storm off in a huff and declare he doesn't fancy you anymore as trust me, you can't make him feel any worse than he already does.

Katie Peachesa
Katie Peachesa

Katie Peachesa is a sex and lingerie blogger based out of the urban chic Wapping in the heart of East London, United Kingdom. In her spare time, Katie enjoys photography, yoga and fitness, a bit of boxing, traveling, keeping up with the latest fashion trends and mudlarking and exploring pastoral settings. You are likely to find Katie in an artisan cafe in Brick Lane on a Saturday afternoon furiously typing her next article on her laptop whilst she is sipping on her flat white and drawing inspiration from the hustle and bustle in the heart of creative London. Katie runs the "Fashion Life Mag" and has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Allure, Grazia, Tatler, Evening Standard and other popular media outlets.


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