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YOUR SEXLESS MARRIAGE: 8 SOLUTIONS & THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT FIXING IT

YOUR SEXLESS MARRIAGE: 8 SOLUTIONS & THE HARD TRUTH ABOUT FIXING IT

Content Verification

Tatyana Dyachenko
Written by:

Psychologist and Relationship Adviser
Veronika Matutyte
Medically Reviewed by:

Medical Doctor
Katie Lasson
Fact Checked by:

Sex and Relationship Adviser

📋 Quick Takeaways

  • 💡 Communication is your superpower
    The key to unlocking deeper intimacy lies in honest and open chats.
  • 💌 Reignite the spark
    Little surprises or even scheduling a cheeky date night can work wonders!
  • 🛌 Explore new adventures
    Spice things up with some creative toys or playful fantasies.
  • ❤️‍🔥 Be kind to yourself and each other
    Love grows where kindness is sown.

🧠 Key Advice and Tips from Our Experts

  • ✨ Prioritise quality time
    Set aside distractions and focus on each other—tea, cuddles, and meaningful conversations.
  • 🔥 Experiment with intimacy tools
    Consider using sensual aids like massage oils or couple-friendly toys.
  • 🌟 Invest in personal growth
    A healthy relationship starts with a happy you.
  • 💬 Don't be afraid to seek help
    Professional advice can make a world of difference.

What is a sexless marriage? What does a sexless marriage entail? What are some of the effects of a sexless marriage on an individual? What are some of the solutions and the truth about a sexless marriage? This article explains sexless marriage and some of the solutions and the truth about sexless marriage.

When a marriage is new, it is all roses. But as time goes by, things start to change for various reasons. Your marriage can go from hot and sexy to distant and sexless in time. There are reasons why you and your partner aren't having sex anymore like before. You might want to know why you are becoming distant from your partner and why your marriage is sexless. It will help you in getting to find the solution to the problem.

There is life, where there is love, as it is always said. Every woman falls in love with the dream of getting married. A good marriage is not something you find; it is something you make. Intimacy and sex are very important in every marriage. Besides pleasure, sex helps cultivate love and affection in a marriage. Sex increases the connection between two partners. As things start, everything is roses, and love is in the air; it's just a fantasy for two married people. As time goes by, this connection loosens due to work and the responsibilities of raising a family. So what happens if you happen to be stuck in a sexless marriage? The first step is to understand why you are not having sex anymore with your partner. Then now, you can move to fix the problem.

Negative attitude and Doldrums 

Flemons & Green (2017) explained that sometimes the negative attitude towards sex contributes to your sexless marriage. Some people believe that sex is only for procreation; depending on how you were raised, there was always that negative attitude towards sex that is maybe living inside you till today; thus, you might be repressing your sexuality. Doldrums – the sense or period of stagnation or depression can also contribute to your sexless marriage. Something is disturbing you or your partner and has been for the period you have not had sex. Married people, after some time, also say that sex has become boring. It is because it became routine over time and past its best.

Treachery and Emotional problems

The clearest reflection of a marriage's emotional connection is shown in their sex. If one becomes emotionally detached, the marriage will become sexless. If partners like playing the blame game and don't know how to sort out their issues may lack the desire to have sex. Betrayal of trust is also another contributor to a sexless marriage. A partner who cheats lacks the desire to have sex with their spouse. Also, if someone finds out that their spouse is cheating on them, they will not have the desire to have sex with them anymore. The marriage is bound to suffer. 

Drug or porn Addiction

According to Tsuji (2018), porn and drug addiction affect marriage since they affect day-to-day activities. It's not bad if your partner watches porn once in a while. But if this escalates and becomes an addiction, then the marriage is bound to suffer. Alcohol and substance addiction also have a part to play in your sexless marriage. The marriage will be affected by the shortage of money, mistrust, and anger that comes with drug abuse. A marriage that keeps on fighting will lack the desire to have sex.

Unfitness or trauma

It is rather sad if your spouse has health problems that can lead to a low sex drive. Lisboa et al. (2015)  stated that illnesses such as fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and conditions such as menopause are known to cause a decrease in sex drive. The drugs used to treat blood pressure, birth control, and depressants are also known to cause difficulty in arousal. Trauma would have the same effects on arousal and sex, especially if the post-trauma involved sex. Victims of sexual abuse who were never properly treated may suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder or depression. It, in turn, will make it difficult for them to have the desire to have sex.

Solutions to Marital problems 

Communication

It's about time you open up to your spouse. Don't just seat there sullen and blame your partner for the lack of sex in your marriage. It may not be easy to open up, but you should discuss it and find a solution. Women are often afraid to bring this up for fear of rejection, but this might be the thing that will bring the two of you together. No marriage is perfect, and no marriage has it all figured out. That is why you are married to figure out things together as you build a family.

Restore the Relationship 

Maybe you and your husband are not having sex because you lose touch. When cuddling, touching, kisses and hugs become scanty in your relationship, and there is something wrong. Demetriou (2022) explained that if you improve on these things, you can save your sex life. It may also be that your husband has no time. You can help one do other tasks for you to find time for sex. Show your husband that you love and appreciate them. This way, one can get the desire to have sex if you show them that you crave for them. Keep in mind that men are not good at getting signs. So don't expect your husband to know that you want sex if you haven't given him that idea.

Spice up Your Sex Life

Do some research on what you can do more to take your sex life to the next level. There are many articles on the internet where you can find the information useful to you and your spouse. Kick things up a notch with new positions and ideas in the bedroom. Be open to change, and you can also introduce toys to the bedroom or even sex games that will help bring back the spark.

Build up the Tension

According to Janseen et al. (2020), individuals have to get in the mood if they want to have sex. Build up the tension between you and your spouse in many ways. You can flirt with them just like when you were dating. Touch them whenever you pass by them; you can also send one message to get their mood while at work. Please wear clothes that you know will spark up his imagination. Dirty talk also helps, whether on the phone or in person, greatly turning one on. Remember to make time for sex at least a few times a month.

Go on Vacation

While working on your marriage, find time to spend together away from everything. Take a break from work from every other thing and go for a trip, just the two of you and maybe your kids if you have them. Go to the beach or another country for a little while. It will help build your connection as you free yourselves from all the stress. It will also boost your mental and physical well-being. On vacation, you will have more than enough time to have sex.

See a Therapist 

You might like to consider seeing a professional. A therapist will help you with your mental health. Maybe the reason for your sexless marriage is all in your head. Things to do with stress and depression; thus, consider seeing a therapist or marriage counselor help you deal with your issues. Be a good listener and respond well to whatever your spouse says at the doctor's office. The therapist is only there to help you overcome the barriers preventing you from having sex. You are the ones who have the biggest part to play in taking care of your issues.

Understand your Desires 

The key to every relationship is communication. Please talk with your partner about both your desires and what they want to be done to bring back the fun in the bedroom. Please get to know their fetishes and fantasies and how to satisfy them. Maybe it has something to do with dominance in the bedroom or something you used to do but stopped. Such as role-playing, anal sex, or tying each other up. Consider watching porn together.

Masturbate 

It's that simple, just because you are married doesn't mean that you cannot touch yourself once in a while. Your partner may be suffering from an illness that may cause negative effects on his arousal and sexuality. They may also not be interested in having sex or are too busy to have sex. Go shopping for some toys to find yourself satisfaction this way, and you will not be hit with the thought of cheating or walking out of your marriage.

Conclusion 

It is very normal for the frequency of sex to change over time. As people become older, the activeness that was once there when you were young and vibrant is no longer there. Marriages are then faced with many issues, not to mention the pressure to provide for their family. You also know that doing the same old thing over time becomes boring. But with the tips above, it is not too late to spark up the relationship and bring back the sexual intimacy that was once there.

References 

Demetriou, D. (2022). Virgin vs. Chad: On Enforced Monogamy as a Solution to the Incel Problem. 

Flemons, D., & Green, S. (2017). Brief relational couple therapy. Encyclopedia of the couple and family therapy. New York, NY: Springer. Retrieved from https://doi. Org/10.1007/978-3-319-15877-8

Janssen, E., Prause, N., Romine, R. S., Raymond, N., MacDonald III, A., Coleman, E., & Miner, M. H. (2020). Sexual responsivity and negative mood affect sexual arousal in hypersexual men who have sex with men (MSM). The Journal of Sexual Medicine17(9), 1751-1760.

Lisboa, L. L., Andrade, S. C. D., & Azevedo, G. D. D. (2015). Influence of climacteric on sexual dysfunctions in women with rheumatic diseases. Revista Brasileira de Reumatologia55, 195-196.Tsuji, R. (2018). Sexless marriage in Japan as women’s political resistance. Feminist Encounters: A Journal of Critical Studies in Culture and Politics2(2), 1-10.

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