ADVICE TO REJECT AFTER A BREAKUP

"Move on," "don't sulk," "don't contact your ex," "he never loved you," and "learn to forgive." All these are the advice you should not follow if you want to cope with losing a relationship. These are the common pieces of advice that you will get from close friends and family after a breakup as you try to cope.

If you have ever divorced or broken up with someone, you can testify that the hardest part is going on with life after the relationship or marriage has ended. What makes it even worse is listening to people tell you what you need to do afterward. At that moment everybody will have their opinion on what you should do in a course to comfort you or fix your situation. At that point, we all need a shoulder to lean on and a supportive ear. At this moment, you may also have mixed feelings about how well to cope with the blow and heartache that comes with losing a relationship. However, as people try to help you, there are pieces of advice you shouldn't pay attention to; here are some.

Advice To Move On

When grieving a lost relationship and feeling an intense heartbreak, in many cases, those around you will advise you to move on quickly and as soon as possible. Words such as "you have to move on" and "get over it" are common. You might also be the one telling yourself this. You must understand that you need time, not just immediately moving on. The more you pressure yourself to move on faster, the longer it will take you to move on.

According to Hay & Kessler (2015), your body, mind, and soul need some time to deal with a breakup. The worst idea is to jump into another relationship after a breakup. Some do this or change major aspects of their lives to start afresh and avoid the pain. Accepting that moving on takes time will have you moving on more smoothly, rather than forcing it and ending up stagnating.

Advice Not To Sulk   

You will be advised not to dwell on the past or your ex; some will tell you to push your feelings aside, or that others have had worse experiences. This will come from your friends and the people you care about and care about you, but understand that the opposite is true. Harris (2022) stated that letting go will involve you talking and letting out any feelings of anger, hurt, and despair. Just let those feelings be; you have no control over them. Furthermore, it is normal to have a mixture of emotions as you process the loss of a relationship or marriage. You must cope with these emotions without pushing them away or getting overwhelmed. To do this right, you need to set some time aside to feel and concentrate on these feelings, and when this time elapses, you can focus on other tasks and destructions.

Advice Not To Contact Your Ex     

This is one common piece of advice that is true to some extent but not entirely. You may need some time with your ex to come to terms with the loss of the relationship. Furthermore, they can be a constant reminder of what existed between you. However, processing what led to the relationship's demise might be helpful in some cases. You will first need to find out whether your ex can do this. Deleting any links or contacts too soon may make you regret being too swift. You will know when it's time to cut them off. Study your feelings whenever you view their social media or talk to or see them in person. If you feel worse after making contact, these are serious feelings that may tell you it's time to take a step back. If you feel better or receive something better from interaction, it's not time.

Being Told That They Never Loved You

Being told that your ex never really loved you is something that your close friends and family will often tell you. This is because they may get angry at your ex on your behalf, especially when they recall any incidence of mistreatment before or when your ex hurt you at some time. According to Rosenbloom & Williams (2010), you can also tell yourself that your ex never really loved you since it is self-comforting. The question of whether your ex loved you or not will linger in your mind as you try to make terms with the loss. Even if you didn't feel loved, especially during the coming or the end of the relationship, this doesn't mean that there was nothing meaningful between you. You must understand that love is complicated, which means that your ex saw something special in you even though the relationship ended.

Advice To Forgive Your Ex 

Not forgiving your ex doesn't sound realistic and practical. Friends and family often advise you to let go of the anger and work to forgive your ex. This is not entirely true, and the sound of this only means that there is a lot you need to do and that you are doing every other thing wrong. Forgiveness is not something you can decide on doing after a breakup, it will just come around maybe after months or years, and you will acknowledge its presence. Byock (2014) stated that forgiveness would involve processing the anger and letting it out by opening up. When you finally let go of the anger and resentment is when forgiveness will fill up that void. Feeling embarrassed, unable to open up, or feeling that you are better than it only makes it harder to let go of the anger and can probably hinder you negatively.

Conclusion      

Whenever you break up with someone, everybody will obviously share their opinion on what you should do as you cope with the loss of the relationship. However, it would be best if you were keen on what you put into action. Remember that not all advice is good; you don't want to follow what someone or some people told you and regret it later. Also, it is important to understand that the loss is on you and not them, so only do what you see suits you. After a breakup, you are heartbroken and at your lowest, and this is when you are most vulnerable and can easily give in to anything. You have to be keen and thoughtful of everything and everyone around you.

References

Byock, I. (2014). The Four Things That Matter Most-: A Book About Living. Simon and Schuster.

Harris, R. (2022). The happiness trap: How to stop struggling and start living. Shambhala Publications.

Hay, L. L., & Kessler, D. (2015). You Can Heal Your Heart: Finding Peace After a Breakup, Divorce, Or Death. Hay House, Inc.

Rosenbloom, D., & Williams, M. B. (2010). Life after trauma: A workbook for healing. Guilford Press.