Beginner’s Guide to Safe, Pain-Free Anal Sex

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

Curious about anal sex but worried it might hurt? You’re not alone. For beginners, it can seem scary, awkward, or downright off-limits. But here’s the truth—pain-free anal sex is totally possible, and yes, it can even be pleasurable.

Whether you’re just starting out or thinking about giving it another go, this guide is here to help. We’ll cover everything anal sex beginners need to know to keep things fun, relaxed, and safe.

Forget horror stories and bad advice. You’re about to learn real tips that’ll boost your confidence and maximise your pleasure. By the end, you’ll know exactly how to have safe anal sex that feels amazing.

Ready to dive in? Let’s begin.

What You Need To Know About Anal Sex

Before you go diving in, it’s worth understanding the pros and cons of anal sex. It’s not all roses and rainbows—but it’s not all doom and gloom either. Let’s break it down. The good, the bad, and everything in between.

Pros of Anal Sex

One of the biggest anal sex benefits is that it offers a completely different type of orgasm. Many people say it feels deeper, fuller, and more intense.

"Some women find anal sex more pleasurable than vaginal sex, especially when it’s paired with clitoral stimulation," says Barbara Santini, psychologist and relationship advisor from Peaches and Screams. "The unique nerve endings in the anal area create sensations that can't be matched elsewhere. "There’s also the thrill of doing something a little taboo. That kinky factor can be a massive turn-on.

Feeling adventurous? Anal sex is often seen as the “forbidden fruit” of the bedroom—something daring, exciting, and wildly fun. And of course, there’s no pregnancy risk, which can take the pressure off and let you just enjoy the moment.

Cons of Anal Sex

Like most good things, it needs a bit of planning. You can’t just jump into it after a curry. "Unlike vaginal sex, anal sex requires mental and physical preparation to ensure comfort and safety," explains Tatyana Dyachenko, a sexual and relationship therapist. "Rushing the process can lead to discomfort and, in some cases, even injury."

Also, let’s keep it real—not everyone’s going to love it. And that’s perfectly fine. "There’s a lot of pressure around anal being ‘the next step’ in sex, especially for younger couples," says Katie Lasson, sex and relationship advisor. "But just because it’s hyped doesn’t mean it’s for everyone."

If you try it and don’t enjoy it? No big deal. Sex should be fun, not a checklist. And don’t forget, some partners can get weirdly obsessed with it. If he’s treating it like a trophy instead of a team sport, that’s a red flag.

Do You Even Want Anal Sex?

Let’s pause for a second. Before lube, before positions, before anything else—ask yourself one simple question:

“Do I even want anal sex? ”There’s no right or wrong answer here. No pressure, no shame, no gold stars for doing it. "Sex isn’t about performance—it's about preference," says Katie Lasson. "If you’re doing it just to please someone else, it’s time to hit pause."

Think about your curiosity. Is it coming from genuine interest? Or outside pressure? "Self-reflection helps you understand if you want to explore or if you're simply conforming," adds Barbara Santini.

Should I try anal sex? Only if you want to. Not because a partner is pushing, not because you think you “should. ”Your body, your rules. Always.

Communication Is Key

Thinking about giving anal a go? Don’t just spring it on your partner mid-session.
You’ve got to talk about anal sex first. Open, honest chats set the tone for trust—and trust leads to better, hotter, more connected sex.

"Partners who communicate clearly about desires and limits tend to have more satisfying and safer experiences," says Tatyana Dyachenko. Use this time to set boundaries, explore fantasies, and agree on safe words. No awkwardness—just real talk.

"Anal sex communication tips always start with asking and listening," adds Barbara Santini. "Consent and comfort should guide every step. "It’s not a one-time chat, either. Keep the conversation going. What felt good? What didn’t? Remember, great sex isn’t just physical—it’s mental, emotional, and verbal too.

The Four Types of Lube You Must Know

When it comes to anal, lube isn’t optional—it’s essential. If you want a smooth ride, you need the right glide. Choosing the best lube for anal sex can make the difference between “wow” and “never again.” Let’s break it down.

Water-Based Lube

Water-based lube is the most common and super easy to clean. It’s also safe anal lube to use with condoms and toys.

But it dries out quickly—so you might need to reapply often. Mood killer? A little.

Silicone-Based Lube

Silicone-based lube is long-lasting, silky-smooth, and perfect for anal. It doesn’t absorb into the skin, so no reapplying every five minutes. Still safe with condoms, but trickier to wash out of sheets.

Oil-Based Lube

It lasts ages and feels luxurious. But here’s the catch—it breaks latex condoms. Not ideal for safe sex.

Also a pain to wash off your body and bed.

Saliva

Quick, convenient, and technically safe with condoms. But it dries fast and isn't the most hygienic option.

Best saved for emergencies or very short sessions.

Bottom line? Silicone-based lube is usually the best call for anal. Think of it as your MVP—Most Valuable Pleasure-giver.

Preparing For Pain-Free Pleasure

Want anal sex without pain? Then don’t rush it. Great anal starts with the right prep—and the right mindset. Your body isn’t a machine. You can’t just force it open and hope for the best. You’ve got to relax, physically and mentally.

Here’s the deal: your anus has a tight ring of muscle called the sphincter. It doesn’t just open on command. "The sphincter is like a stubborn door—it needs gentle knocks, not a battering ram," says Tatyana Dyachenko.

The key? Take your time. Start with one lubed finger. Breathe deeply. Let your body respond. Try it solo first or with a partner—just make sure you’re in full control. Feedback is everything. "Comfort and consent must guide penetration," adds Barbara Santini. "Slow movements give your body time to adjust and relax."

Once one finger feels okay, try two. Or a small butt plug. The goal is comfort, not conquest. And about those numbing creams—just don’t. They mask pain, which is your body’s way of saying, “hey, slow down!”

If you can’t feel what’s happening, you can’t protect yourself. Anal sex preparation isn’t sexy-sounding, but it makes the sex so much better. Because confidence starts before anyone even takes their pants off.

Start With The Right Position

When it comes to beginner anal sex positions, comfort and control are everything. And that’s exactly why you should start on top. Being on top—think Cowgirl or Asian Cowgirl—puts you in charge of the pace and depth. That means no surprises, no sudden thrusts, and no panicked clenching.

"Cowgirl is one of the most comfortable anal sex positions for beginners," says Katie Lasson. "It allows gradual entry, with full control over movement and angle. "Tell your partner to lie back and keep still. Seriously—no thrusting at first. This is your show.

Lube up (generously), get comfy, and ease yourself down inch by inch. Breathe. Relax. Don’t force it. If it feels too tight or painful, stop. Wait. Let your body adjust before trying again. Take breaks if needed. This position gives you the best feedback loop between your brain and your bum. 

You feel everything, and that’s a good thing. The goal here isn’t acrobatics or wild porn energy. It’s slow, controlled, and comfortable anal sex that builds confidence, not fear. Start slow, stay in control, and let your body lead the way.

Exploring New Sex Positions

Once you’ve nailed the basics and your body’s feeling confident, it’s time to explore.
Anal sex for couples gets way more exciting when you mix things up.

Ready to level up? Try doggy style. It’s one of the best anal sex positions for deeper penetration—but only when you’re fully relaxed. "Doggy gives your partner more control, so it’s not ideal for beginners," says Tatyana Dyachenko. "Wait until you’re experienced and comfortable with anal."

Spooning is a gentler alternative. It keeps things cosy, connected, and lets your partner enter you at a shallower angle. Start slow, use tons of lube, and keep talking. Positions aren’t just about angles—they’re about control, trust, and mutual enjoyment. Switch it up only when you’re ready—not when someone else is impatient.

Add Clitoral & Toy Stimulation

Here’s the truth: clit stimulation during anal is often the missing piece to mind-blowing pleasure. Your anus might be centre stage, but your clit still wants some love.

Use your own hand if you know what feels good—or let your partner take over the controls. Or better yet, grab a vibrator and let it buzz you into oblivion. "Pairing clitoral stimulation with anal penetration enhances pleasure by engaging multiple erogenous zones simultaneously," says Barbara Santini. "It’s a game-changer for many women."

Want to go further? Try anal sex toys. Butt plugs give you that full, stretched feeling and help with anal training. Anal beads add fun with every pop. And lube launchers make sure everything’s slick where it counts. Feeling brave? Go for double penetration—your partner in one hole, a dildo in the other. It’s intense, so don’t rush.

"Using toys during anal sex should be about exploration and enjoyment—not pressure," says Katie Lasson. "Go slow, use plenty of lube, and always communicate."

Mixing anal with clitoral play or toys takes the experience from “decent” to “devastatingly good.” Don’t be afraid to experiment—just do it safely, and do it your way.

Anal Sex Safety Essentials

Sexy? Definitely. But let’s not skip the essentials. When it comes to anal, safety isn’t optional—it’s vital. Anal sex carries a higher STI risk than vaginal sex. The rectum is more delicate, making it easier for infections to spread.

"Always use condoms during anal to lower the risk of HIV and other STIs," advises Tatyana Dyachenko. "It's one of the most important safe anal sex tips I give to clients."

And here’s a golden rule: don’t go from anal to vaginal without cleaning first. You’ll risk bacterial infections like BV—trust us, it’s not worth it.

Same goes for toys. If a toy’s been in your bum, don’t stick it in your vagina without washing it. Better yet, cover it with a condom and swap that out when switching.

Anal sex hygiene also means washing up beforehand. You don’t need to douche every time, but feeling clean can help you relax.

"Basic hygiene is part of respectful, safe anal play," adds Barbara Santini. "It keeps both partners comfortable and confident. "Be bold. Be adventurous. But be safe, too. Because nothing kills the vibe faster than a trip to the clinic.

Feedback Makes It Better

Anal sex communication doesn’t stop once you start—it’s just getting warmed up. Check in often. Ask how it feels. Give clear feedback on what’s working… and what’s definitely not. "Giving feedback during sex helps couples build trust and avoid discomfort," says Katie Lasson. "It turns good sex into great sex."

Use simple cues—“slower,” “stop,” “more like that”. This keeps you in control and helps your partner learn what you enjoy. Don’t forget aftercare. A cuddle, a laugh, a little reassurance—it all matters.

Anal play is intimate, intense, and emotional. So check in, stay connected, and keep communication flowing—even after the fun ends.

Anal Play For Men Too

Anal sex for men isn’t taboo—it’s pleasure waiting to be discovered. And yes, the prostate (aka the P-spot) is real. "The prostate is highly sensitive and can lead to intense orgasms when stimulated properly," says Tatyana Dyachenko.

Curious? Start with a lubed finger or a small toy. Want to take it further? Explore pegging. Pegging tips for couples: go slow, use plenty of lube, and prioritise consent and comfort—always.

It’s not about flipping roles. It’s about expanding pleasure, building trust, and exploring together. If he’s open to it, give it a go—you might both be surprised.

Endnote

Nervous? Excited? Maybe both. That’s normal. Anal play isn’t just physical—it’s a mindset shift. And that shift takes courage. Every tip here was designed to help ease fear, build trust, and unlock a whole new level of pleasure. It’s not about pressure or proving something. It’s about discovery, confidence, and connection. Whether it’s a “hell yes” or a “maybe later,” the choice is valid. Want more confidence in bed? Dive into our full guides or join the discreet newsletter.