My fiance films porn: one woman's confession

By Elena Ognivtseva

For some woman, the mention of pornography will see them blushing a deep shade of scarlet and averting their eyes from your gaze. For others, the more empowered women with a liberated sense of female sexuality, might hold your gaze steady and discuss the various merits and demerits of idolised and objectified women on television.

It's all fine and well talking about porn, but what happens when it becomes a part of your life? What happens when your suspicion and dislike of mainstream pornography is taken to a whole new level? What happens when you're entering into a new marriage and your fiancé is offered the job of a lifetime … filming porn?

That's what Emily Southwood was destined to find out when her recently-graduated filmmaker fiancé Robbie was offered a position on the camera team at Webdreams – an ongoing television series dedicated to the world of internet porn. It follows a group of adult actors and entertainers through their lives, their dramas and their relationships … as well as their time on-set. If you wanted unusual, Robbie's job ticked all the boxes.

So what's a girl to do? Robbie took the job and their relationship went on a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs, insecurities and comparisons, and a lot of sexual understanding and awakening. Emily discovered things about herself that she had no idea were lurking just under the surface: jealousy, discomfort, insecurity. She couldn't help but compare herself to the women Robbie was filming every day – and unsurprisingly, their sex life suffered because of it.

What is it about porn? Emily asked Robbie. Why are so many of us morally against porn, and yet so many equally attracted to it? Even more, what happens in the world of porn? How do women go from little girls to porn stars, and how are they treated in the porn world? Why do I feel this way about your job?

In fact, Robbie's job opened up a whole new line of questioning she hadn't previously considered, and she wasn't alone. Many women share that same distrust of pornography. It's a veritable male-zone, populated by too-thin women with overly-dyed hair, silicon boobs and non-existent waistlines. They have tattoos in intimate places, their lips are puffed up like an allergic reaction, and they're thrilled at the idea of having sex all the time – with a man, with a woman, with an inanimate object. When there's no dildo in sight, their hands will do, and they love talking to no-one in particular about what they're doing.

I don't know about you, but this isn't what my sex life is like. It certainly wasn't Emily's either.

After a while, and after her relationship was taking some serious strain, Emily started researching the answers to her questions in an attempt to patch things up and save her sex life – and her impending marriage.

She researched and analysed and investigated. She talked to her friends and her fiancé. She starting dealing with her insecurities – and the insecurities of all women everywhere who feel compared to the blonde bombshells on the laptop screen. She wrote a book, now available on Amazon, called Prude: Lessons I Learned When My Fiance Filmed Porn and she blogs at imarriedapornographer.com. Her book is now hailed as the fun and easy-to-read guide 'for those who, like Southwood, are uncomfortable, intimidated, or simply unfamiliar with porn.'