MONTHS WITHOUT SEX? THE “DRYSPELL” EXPLAINED
A dry spell is when you engage less in sexual activity due to abstinence or lack of a sexual partner. Anyone that has experienced this knows that it gives birth to several unavoidable emotions of hatred, desperation, and intense mood swings. Dry spells are completely normal in relationships, but in some cases, it may mean that your partner is not attracted to you anymore. However, a dry spell should not be the ticket that flies you out of a relationship. Talk to your partner and know how you can bring back the intimacy in the relationship. Most people have weird versions of what a dry spell is, and, in this article, we give you the nitty-gritty on everything dry spell.
Defining Dry Spell
Folks refer to a dry spell as a sexless period in their lives. The dry spell should not be confused with celibacy, which completely abstains from sex and any sexual acts. A dry spell is not a topic that people openly admit to due to the fear that they may be ridiculed by friends or even seem undesirable. Sex therapists often claim that women experience longer dry spells than men. Also, most research shows that most women can last up to a year without engaging in sexual activity. It is important to know that there is no time spa for a dry spell because our bodies are different. Dry spells can be caused by stress, family or work, fatigue, or maybe you and your partner had a bad argument and failed to resolve it. You can solve all these cases through counseling. Make a point of approaching a relationship expert or therapist who will help you through the issues in your relationship.
Sex is beneficial in keeping your immune system healthy and your brain happy. According to Klein et al. (2016), people who have sex often experience increased immunoglobulin and glycoproteins that help the body fight off viruses. Dry spell reduces the release of immunoglobulin, therefore, predisposing your body to stomach cases of flu and common colds, among many other cardiovascular diseases. During sex, the body releases oxytocin that helps you and your partner bond. However, it is okay to take a break from sex, intentionally or not. As much as engaging in sex has many benefits, not engaging in it for a while will not cripple your life. If you are in a relationship and are experiencing a dry spell, feelings of loneliness may flood your life which may cause an emotional rift between you and your partner.
Engaging in sex is great. However, not everyone wants it all the time. According to Pines et al. (2013), people prefer to break from sex because they have an unhealthy relationship with sex, a heartbreak, or they want to get more in tune with themselves sexually. On the brighter side, taking a break from sex may help boost your esteem sexually, which is a great step in building a healthy sex life. Some people opt to go into self-induced dry spells because they do not like the feeling of being dependent on someone else, especially sexually.
How To Have The Dry Spell Talk With Your Partner
Talk About It
- Talk to your partner about how the dry spell affects your output in life, and your emotions, as Ainsworth et al. (2015) suggested. Find an appropriate time and place to air your feelings. It may be that your partner has anxiety about his performance in bed, or maybe they are battling a genital disorder that is hard to bounce back from. Be open with your partner about the declining state of sexual contact in the relationship and how all that makes you feel, which may be awkward at first, but in the end, it may help you to grow your emotional connection.
Have Realistic Expectations
Set achievable sexual expectations. Setting the bar too high may set you up for failure, which may leave you feeling more disappointed. The first step is accepting that your sex life is dwindling, then agreeing on what you feel is comfortable for you. If you feel like sex three times a month is okay for you and both of you are okay with that, then go for it. Accept that you will never measure up to that hot couple on TV who have sex three times a day.
Focus On Quality
Some partners have fulfilling sex only once a month due to unavoidable circumstances. As much as this may sound embarrassing for some, it is the best approach to matters of sex. It is best to focus on the quality of your sex rather than the quantity. You may have sex four times a week, but it is whack, and none of you end up experiencing orgasm. It is best to strive to make your sexual encounters as fulfilling as possible. It will boost the quality of the relationship and also improve emotional connection.
Emotional Connection is Also Important
Our sex life is entwined with our emotional life. A dry spell season may occur regularly and cause a huge rift in your relationship. Invest in intimate conversations, and ask your partner what the sexual connection feels like. Every time you engage in sex, focus on complimenting each other in kindness and love. Make sure that your words speak love and affection to the other person.
Redefine What Sex Means To You
Most people in relationships say they are on a dry spell because they have not had penetration sex in a long time, a wrong outlook on sex. After all, penetration is not the only mode of engaging in intercourse. It is best to shift how you and your partner view sex. It is no rule that penetration has to occur every time you have sex. Focus on sexual connection rather than striving for penetration.
The Bottom Line
The 'dry spell' issue may be hard to discuss because it deserves honesty, which most people are not ready to give. The media may paint a dry spell as a frustrating experience or a near-death experience which is the complete opposite of what a dry spell is. Some people choose to be in the dry spell state, while others are forced into it due to certain circumstances. Sex is an exhilarating experience, and most people feed on the benefits of engaging in it. There is a lot to talk about regarding dry spells, but we hope this article answers some of the questions about dry spells.
Reference:
Ainsworth, C. (2015). Sex Redefined. Nature, 518(7539), 288.
Klein, S. L., & Flanagan, K. L. (2016). Sex Differences In Immune Responses. Nature Reviews Immunology, 16(10), 626-638.
Pines, A. M. (2013). Couple Burnout: Causes And Cures. Routledge.