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Have you ever heard someone expressing how they're truly and deeply connected with another individual before bringing in physical intimacy? Sex mainly involves emotions and trust. We can potentially enjoy sex after feeling empowered and filled with self-acceptance. There's a group of people that don't recognize sex without attraction or attachment. For them, it's a requirement, and they see a problem kissing a stranger or having a one-night stand. This article discusses this category of people, called demisexual. 

What Is Demisexuality?

Demisexuality is the act of being sexually attracted to someone you emotionally bond with. Usually, the sexual orientation of the other party doesn't matter; gay, pansexual, or straight. The word demi implies half, meaning one can be asexual or sexual. Sometimes, demisexual people rarely experience sexual attraction, and if they do, there won't be any interest. 

A normal person will usually feel a primary attraction, meeting a love interest for the first time. A demisexual doesn't feel it. Their attraction is secondary and comes after interacting and deeply knowing someone over time. Some people may use other terms such as hyposexual, semisexual, or asexual-ish to describe a demisexual.

Misconceptions About Demisexuality

Most people would say that demisexual people are afraid of sex, but that's not true. They can't get attracted to someone unknown to them.

People associate demisexuality with religion or moral beliefs concerning sex, forgetting that this is mainly a sexual orientation and not a choice.

It's mythical that demisexuality signals a low sex drive. Demisexuals sex desire varies with different sex drive levels. For instance, some may often want to have sex, whereas others likely won't. This sexual orientation does less with the frequency of having sex as it only emphasizes the attraction type one feels.

Some people say that a demisexual person has to fall in love before sexual attraction. These individuals require some kind of attachment, which normal people would take as non-romantic or close friendship.

Demisexuality Signs

Might be uninterested in hook-up events.

Lack of sexual attraction feeling unless strongly and emotionally connected.

No attraction with physical characteristics or looks.

People describe you as old-fashioned or stuffy.

A demisexual personality doesn't accept flirting.

Mostly date their associates.

Struggles with dating, especially due to sex issues.

How Demisexual People Find Partners

The most essential help a demisexual can have as they search for a healthy romantic relationship is coming out frankly about their sexual trait. That's because most people misjudge you mainly due to lack of knowledge. Below are recommendations that would help if you're already dating or currently trying to get it.

Don’t Hide Your Needs

Perhaps your partner complains about your low sex drive. That doesn’t suggest you’re incompatible. It only implies the two of you should discuss your physical and emotional needs. Openness is good since a demisexual must be connected emotionally to trust or get sexually impressed.

Be Open-Minded

Among the major hassles for demisexuals is pressure against dating from your friends' category. However, friends or well-known people to you are the main ones you're interested in, therefore have an open mind and stay real.

Find Other Demisexuals 

This point doesn't necessarily mean that demisexuals should date their type, though it can help them understand each other better. You can also seek advice from demisexuals in such relationships or know what happens in such connections. You can also find them on sites or applications.

Don’t Allow People Command Your Relationship

Peers, friends, or family can pressure you to indulge in what's uncomfortable. They may lead you to behave or dress in ways unnatural to you. Stay away, and don't strain in making them understand everything about who you are.


Generally, you should be honest. Tell those you meet that your desire is to become friends first to avoid being pressured, more so on dates. This helps figure out less-compatible people.

Increase Your Social Circle

Demisexuals should make more friends often as they need people they know for sexual attraction. Schedule dates and hang out with friends together with their friends for your circle to expand.

What Flag Do Demisexuals Use?

Demisexuals have a flag pride created using the colors of asexuals. However, the demisexual color has a different arrangement pattern. The flags resemble in color because these two sexual orientations have similarities. The main colors in these flags are black, purple, grey, and white. The asexual flag contains simple horizontal strips with these colors, whereas the demisexuals’ have a black left triangle on the left part.

Both flags have colors with different meanings. Purple symbolizes community, black asexuality, and grey stands for Grey-ace, representing individuals between asexual and sexual whose feelings are occasional. The white color on the demisexual flag symbolizes sexuality but stands for allies and non-asexuals on the asexual flag. These flags are available on phone emojis. Unfortunately, iPhone users don’t have it. They only have the general rainbow flag. 

The Bottom Line

Being a demisexual means seeing someone sexually after creating an emotional bond with them. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation term that describes those who mainly get attracted sexually to others until they know them deeply. This description brings confusion to other people, leading to misjudgment. Most demisexuals have been linked to having less sexual drive or are afraid of sex which is false as there's a difference between sexual attraction and sex drive. Someone can experience a strong drive for sex but isn't sexually attracted. Experts recommend that you shouldn't associate demisexuals with the willingness to have sex or not.