WHAT'S ASEXUALITY LIKE?

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

The definition of asexuality differs among people. It’s why it’s viewed as a spectrum. It is simply a sexual orientation where a person has little or no sexual interest or feelings. It is normal, but it shares different opinions among people.

Everyone differs in character, personality, and many other aspects. Like you can't classify all the fruits in one basket, you can't classify everyone in a single bracket. You have seen or heard of people who lack sexual attraction to others or have a low interest in sexual activity. Also known as "aces," are people who are asexual. They come out differently and share different opinions in society. However, not all of them are asexual. Some are demisexual, whereby they only feel sexually attracted to someone if they have an emotional bond with this person.

These people are also classified under the asexual class. This is because asexuality is more of a spectrum. what does it mean to be asexual?

Asexuality Is a Spectrum.

Asexuality is a roof accommodating a wide spectrum of asexual sub-identity. These may include demisexual, which describes people who are sexually attracted to only people with who they share an emotional bond. This spectrum may also include; grey-A, queerplatonic, and many others. According to Sumerau et al. (2018), aces people may also identify as cisgender, transgender, non-binary, or any gender for that matter. Asexuality doesn't mean that they don't encounter other forms of attraction. Asexual people can also experience romantic, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, or emotional attraction.

Facts About Asexuality

Aces Can Also Experience Sexual Desire.

You must understand that there is a distinctive difference between sexual desire, libido, and sexual attraction.

• Sexual desire - This refers to the craving to experience sex, whether it's for personal pleasure or any other thing.
• Libido – Also referred to as sex drive, libido entails the want to encounter sexual pleasure. It is more like the need to satisfy an itch by scratching it.
• Sexual attraction – This implies finding one sexually captivating and yearning to have sex with them.

You are sure that asexuality is not a big deal, and Aces are as normal as any other person. They can have libido and might feel sexual desire. According to Scherrer (2008), asexual people might also want to have sex for various reasons, be it to please their libido, conceive, make their partner happy, or show and receive affection. However, their sexual drive will vary from little to no sex drive.

Many Aces Desire Romantic Relationships.

This may come as a shock if you don't have the correct idea of being asexual. Asexual people are not immune to romantic attraction even if they don't experience sexual attraction. Aces can be attracted to people romantically, whether of the same or different gender. Many asexual people crave romantic relationships with others who are not necessarily asexual.

Asexual People Might Engage In Sexual Intimacy.

This means that asexual people can indulge in sexual activities, including penetration. Asexuality means different things to different people. This also applies to sex, where some may feel imperturbable about sex while others may be objective about the idea. Looks and feelings are closely related but differ greatly. When you look at them, you might not want to have sex with someone, but you wouldn't mind if they made a  move on you.

Some Asexual People Prefer Non-Romantic Relationships.

Like many aces who prefer romantic relationships, others are aloof about romantic relationships. Also, like some aces may encounter less or no sexual attraction, some are non-romantic where they experience less or no romantic relationship. According to Luce (2021), queerplatonic is a type of asexuality that hosts non-romantic relationships. There is a relationship between non-romantic aces and queerplatonic relationships. However, these people are as committed to relationships as normal people would. Anyone can have a queerplatonic relationship, not only aces.

The Capacity for Sexual Attraction Is Not a Setting Stone.

Identity might somewhat be fluid. This means some asexual people may encounter a shift where they feel sexually attracted to people one day after a few weeks or months. This is similar to how it happens with some bisexuals and heterosexuals. However, this doesn't mean that they were unsure before; but you can grow out of it. However, if in the past you experienced no sexual attraction, but you later come to feel it, this means that you were never asexual. Your asexuality is genuine if you experienced sexual attraction before but later you desisted.

Asexuality Is Not A Medical Condition.

Many in today's society think that asexuality is abnormal and might relate it to a medical condition. This is due to the assumption that everyone is supposed to experience sexual attraction. Asexuality is not a medical problem and is the same as fear of intimacy, sexual repression, or sexual dysfunction. Like anyone can experience these conditions. It is also important that asexuality is not involved with any underlying condition. Asexuality is also not genetic or caused by the result of a trauma or any other thing.

How Asexuality Works In Relationships

There is no cause for alarm if you are asexual; relationships can work even if one partner is asexual and the other is not. However, it will require some work, honesty, and communication in this case. According to Brown & Partridge (2021), people need to communicate their boundaries around sex and what sexual activities they are willing to indulge in if one partner is asexual. You can try an open relationship to avoid undermining them if you are into a long-term relationship but are asexual and your partner has a high sex drive. The key to pulling off a relationship with a partner who is not asexual is honest communication, where both parties discuss their needs and goals in the relationship.

How Do You Know That You Are Asexual?

This is not like a condition where you can get tested and determine whether you are sexual or not. Instead, you can consider a few questions that can help you understand whether you conform to some characteristics of the asexual nature. These questions include:

• What is sexual attraction according to you?
• Do you encounter sexual attraction?
• What is sex according to you?
• Do you need sex?
• Do you feel obliged to be interested in sex because of society's expectations?
• Do you get attracted to people and desire sex with them?

Any answer you present yourself is right, and through these questions, you will understand where you identify sexually.

Aiding Your Beloved Ones to Understand Asexuality

Explaining your sexuality to those around you can be tough, especially if they are not familiar with the term asexuality. You can introduce the subject by first explaining what asexuality is before telling them that you identify as an ace. It is also important to discuss this with someone before you get into a relationship with them. Your friends and family might think that you will never have a loving relationship and other myths that exist about asexuality. It is important to explain to them about asexuality and what it means to you. Otherwise, you are not obliged to give anyone you don't need any explanation.

Conclusion

There are many things to consider before you jump to the conclusion that you are asexual. Perhaps you experience little sexual attraction or no sexual attraction at all, you might be asexual, or some other factors might be at play. Sexuality has different meanings to different people, so the way you define and identify your sexuality is up to you. There is also the option of not identifying with any sexuality, which is also okay. You are entitled to your own opinion.

References

Brown, M. S., & Partridge, N. L. (2021). ‘Strangely Like A Person’: Cole And The Queering Of Asexuality In Dragon Age: Inquisition. Sexuality & Culture, 25(3), 1005-1024.

Luce, S. (2021). Asexual Erasure Undone: A Short Literary History Of Asexuality In 19th-To 20th-Century Literary Classics.

Scherrer, K. S. (2008). Coming To An Asexual Identity: Negotiating Identity, Negotiating Desire. Sexualities, 11(5), 621-641.Sumerau, J. E., Barbee, H., Mathers, L. A., & Eaton, V. (2018). Exploring The Experiences Of Heterosexual And Asexual Transgender People. Social Sciences, 7(9), 162.