LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BI: 10 MYTHS ABOUT BISEXUALITY THAT NEED TO END
The stigma surrounding bisexuality has become so strong that many people still think it doesn’t exist, or that if someone identifies as bisexual, they are just going through a phase before fully coming out as either gay or straight.
Two-thirds of people think bisexuality doesn’t exist, and it’s time to end the myths about this sexual orientation. Bisexuality needs to stop being so maligned and stereotyped. Here are 10 myths about bisexuality that need to end.
Being Bisexual means you Want Both Male and Female Partners
Contrary to what people might think, being bisexual doesn't mean you want both male and female partners. Flanders et al. (2017) commented that being bisexual means you are attracted sexually and romantically to more than one gender—so anyone who is bisexual could be into men and women (and non-binary people), but they could also be into folks of their gender or other genders as well. Some common myths about bisexual folks include thinking they're promiscuous, having an increased risk of STIs like HIV/AIDS, or having a higher sex drive. All three are false.
How does bisexuality fit into our society? While many people assume that someone who identifies as bisexual must be equally attracted to both genders, most research suggests otherwise. According to Diamond (2008), psychologist Lisa Diamond, author of Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire, noted that sexual orientation tends to change over time.
Bisexual Men Only Date Men
This myth is a absurd notion because bisexuality means that a person is attracted to two genders. This need not be confused with being gay: which is being attracted to other men. A bisexual man might be attracted to a person of the same gender but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are gay, they might still be attracted to the person of the opposite gender although they are still attracted to the same gender. This attraction between the opposite or same gender might differ between people; this might be because of many reasons that might be unique to one person.
They are all interested in Threesomes
Many Bisexuals might be the victim of many couples on one online dating app who are interested in going for a threesome, they might be honestly going for the thrill of it or looking for something that might strengthen their relationship. But not all Bisexuals are okay with the idea of a threesome.
Not everyone is obsessed with threesomes. Just because bisexual people are attracted to more than one gender doesn’t mean they want threesomes, which is a very specific sexual preference. While some of us might be interested in that kind of sex, a large number of bisexual people aren't. Hertlein et al. (2016) discovered that 40% of bisexual men and women have never had a threesome, according to one study.
Women Can Be Bisexual but Men Cannot
Some myths about bisexuality stem from assumptions about gender. This can be very harmful because we all know bisexual men exist, but many continue to believe they're either gay by default or simply experimenting with their sexuality. In reality, sexual orientation exists on a spectrum and everyone falls somewhere on it—including men. Gates (2011) found that nearly half of men in same-sex relationships are identified as bisexual (in addition to one-third who also identified as gay), meaning that many men are indeed attracted to both women and other men. This myth is perpetuated by toxic cultural ideas about masculinity and sexuality—as well as outdated stereotypes—and needs to end immediately if we hope for any sort of social progress.
Bisexual men might be closer to you than you think; you might not notice them. Men, like women too, might be bisexual, but because of many views on masculinity, it might be harder to notice them without them admitting it. Have an open-minded view about them and maybe you might see things more clearly for what they are.
Bisexual people are Greedy
The media often likes to portray bisexual people as liars and cheaters, just itching for an excuse to have sex with every person they meet. But in reality, many bisexual people find themselves pressured by other members of their community not to identify as bi—either because they don't want biphobia from straight people or other queer people. If you're bisexual, being sexually attracted to more than one gender is just a fact of life. The notion that bisexual people are greedy isn't valid or factual—and neither is any other myth on our list of top 10 myths about bisexuality.
Because they might be attracted to two genders doesn’t mean that they are open to any sexual experience with anyone. You might be surprised by how many have strict principles that they follow,
They Are Gay but Don’t Want To Come Out
As simple as they are, labels still seem to be one of the biggest arguments. Many people believe bisexual men or women are not gay enough to come out, while others think they are simply being indecisive. It is not uncommon for bisexual men and women to say they felt pressure to come out because of how society treats gay people — or because of pressure from family and friends — but that shouldn't be reason enough to come out if you don't want to. As long as no one is pressuring you into telling them about your sexuality, keeping your sexuality a secret will make life easier in many cases. If you feel comfortable coming out, there's nothing wrong with explaining why. Either way, just be honest about what you're feeling.
Bisexual Is an Easier Way to Date Everyone
Dating is difficult at best. There’s no time to date all of those different people nor learn all of those different dating apps. But why limit yourself to dating one or two genders when you can date every gender! Dating a bi makes everything easier, so it’s optional to fall in love with any gender for adventure. Your significant other could be someone new tomorrow. Life is an adventure! If being bisexual is still too limiting for you and your needs, consider pansexual.
They Do It for Attention
From being secretly gay to being a bi for attention; there are so many myths about bisexuality. One common myth is that bisexual people just do it for attention. To be fair, if everyone made a big deal of being straight and no one made a big deal of being gay or lesbian, some people might say they were something else just to get attention. But if everyone made a big deal of being bi (which they don't), no one would use it as an excuse for attention. If you've ever wondered why we make such a big deal about things like Stonewall or having pride parades, consider that there's already plenty of non-attention-seeking visibility for straight people.
They Don’t Identify As Male Or Female
Bisexuality doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t identify as either male or female. Even though it’s true that many people who identify as bisexual fall into this category of gender identity and expression. Your bisexual identity is based on the fact that you are romantically or sexually attracted to both men and women, regardless of whether or not you feel like your gender identity falls under one specific umbrella term or another. Sexuality depends on how you as a person are attracted to other people rather than how you identify in terms of gender. So identifying yourself as either bisexual, gay, or straight is a matter of sexuality rather than gender identity.
They Are All Polyamorous
There is a common misconception about bisexual people, especially men, who are assumed to be all polyamorous. But bi men aren't all just dying to jump into bed with everyone. There are some bi-guys who do identify as polyamorous and they are welcome in our community (and my heart), but they represent a minority of all bisexuals. The majority of bisexual people may date more than one person at a time, but they are still monogamous and want only one partner. Avoid using polyamory as an umbrella term for all things open-minded. Do not slut-shame anyone for anything—even if you don't agree with their relationship choices or bedroom habits.
Conclusion
Just like there are many polyamorous straight guys, there is the same variety of bisexual and gay guys in our community. This is because monogamous and polyamorous don’t depend on someone’s sexuality but rather on their personal decisions that might be influenced by many factors. It all comes down to a personal level.
References
Diamond, L. M. (2008). Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love And Desire. Harvard University Press.
Flanders, C. E., Lebreton, M. E., Robinson, M., Bian, J., & Caravaca-Morera, J. A. (2017). Defining Bisexuality: Young Bisexual And Pansexual People's Voices. Journal Of Bisexuality, 17(1), 39-57.
Gates, G. J. (2011). How Many People Are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual And Transgender?.
Hertlein, K. M., Hartwell, E. E., & Munns, M. E. (2016). Attitudes Toward Bisexuality According To Sexual Orientation And Gender. Journal Of Bisexuality, 16(3), 339-360.