HOW TO INTRODUCE ANAL SEX TOYS TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

What are anal sex toys? How effective are anal sex toys to individuals in a relationship? How can an individual introduce sex toys into their relationships without any problems? This article explains how best an individual can introduce anal sex toys to their relationship without any problems. 

Including sex toys in partnered sex can provide new levels of enjoyment for all parties involved. Toys can do things our bodies can't, such as pulsing and vibrating. If you are in a relationship and need to introduce anal sex toys into your bedroom, the article below gives you the nitty-gritty of communicating with your partner.

Many people can benefit from these novel sensations to have more frequent and frequent — or sophisticated and vivid — orgasmic experiences. The sheer diversity of experiences available can help couples keep their sex diverse and intriguing, which is important for long-term partnerships to retain desire, an appealing aspect. Even as the stigma surrounding anal sex toys generally fades, some observers feel that many people may still be hesitant to bring a toy to bed.

How to Have The Anal Sex Toy Conversation

Communicating to your partner about sex toys should not be difficult or intimidating. Below are a few essential ideas and tactics from renowned sex counselors, educators, and toy experts for bringing up the anal sex toy subject easily and constructively. 

Timing Is Important

One of the primary mistakes people in relationships make when introducing toys in the bedroom is flashing them during sex without a heads up, which may leave your partner feeling uncomfortable and stressed. It may be a good idea only if you know your partner may be comfortable with sex toys in the bedroom or if they enjoy surprises in the bedroom. Instead, Rubinsky (2018) suggested that individuals schedule some time outside of sex to discuss toys in the bedroom. When the relationship is new, it should be easier to talk about sex toys because you are warming up to each other sexually and physically. Instead, schedule some time outside of sex to talk about including toys in the bedroom.

Do Not Criticize

Try not to attach your curiosity to toys to express critique or dissatisfaction with the sex you're having at the moment. Despite when or how you initiate the subject, it will exacerbate any underlying fears your spouse may have. You should not apologize or try to hide any desires you may be having because this will increase stress and worry on both sides. Ellis & Aitken (2020) explained that sexual exploration breeds a healthy relationship and trying anal sex toys. Therefore, sex toys are just one of many fascinating things you and your partner can try and see what anal toy you can include in your sex lives to bring you both new and amazing experiences.

Do Not Force Your Opinion

If your spouse isn't interested in the talk or concept, don't put pressure on them with unreasonable demands or persistence. If the topic makes you uncomfortable, attempt to talk about it and explain why it does not feel right to you. Also, it is advisable to address any worries or stigmas you may have about toys or sex.

Be Open To Explore

If you want to explore the exquisite world of toys with your partner, don't try to control what that looks like — the toys you'll use together and how you'll use them. Instead, keep talking about the types of pleasures you both enjoy or are willing to explore and how sex toys could play into the sex you now have. Motivate each other to explore outside of the genital stimulation box when it comes to genital stimulation (Esho et al. 2017). Discuss how your thoughts converge or diverge. You can then begin to delve deeper into anal sex toys from that point of understanding.

Be Straightforward

With a wide assortment and types of sex toys on the market—butt plugs, strap-ons, clit suction toys, dildos, vibrators, and so on—you'll have to get precise at some point. Now is the moment to discuss what gets you excited and what you wish to explore.

Go Shopping

If you and your spouse are on the same page, the next step is to get the toy. Both online and in-store purchasing are excellent choices. However, it all boils down to the individual, personality, and comfort level. The advantage of going to a shop is that the personnel are trained to handle all inquiries you might have regarding a particular product. Therefore, don't worry; it's likely been asked before whatever question you have.

Practice Safe Sex

According to Pound et al. (2017), any sex toy could be used as a couple's toy because, naturally, with so many toys to pick from, making a decision might be difficult. Again, there's no need to rush. Please spend some time jointly exploring your options. Read toy evaluations, seek advice from friends and professionals, and experiment with different ways to use them once you've purchased one or more toys. Some websites and blogs have produced what appear to be definitive manuals on how to use diverse toys by couples. You should strive to be safe when engaging in anal sex; avoid placing anal toys with a wide base up your orifice while also using plenty of toy-friendly lubrication during any insertive play.

Remember To Have Fun

Be free to laugh at the sex toy and yourself because your trials will certainly fail. That can be aggravating, especially because toys are expensive. You can find solid resources online for functioning, body-safe toys that allow you to engage in long rounds of exploring with a spouse without breaking the wallet. Understand that even when everything does not go as planned, it's part of the adventure you're on with your spouse, which is meant to help you grow closer.

Conclusion

It's common to be intimidated by the prospect of using an anal toy with your partner, especially if the item was designed for partners to use jointly. However, using sex toys with a partner increases pleasure and connection with your spouse. When it comes to talking about sex toys with your partner, try not to get too bothered about it because it's a popular passion among people in relationships, so there's a possibility your spouse will be as well. If you want to introduce an anal toy into your bedroom excursions, follow the guide above to get the most out of your experience. 

References

Ellis, S. J., & Aitken, R. (2020). Sexual health practices of 16 to 19-year-olds in New Zealand: an exploratory study. Journal of Primary Health Care, 12(1), 64-71.

Esho, T., Kimani, S., Nyamongo, I., Kimani, V., Muniu, S., Kigondu, C., ... & Guyo, J. (2017). The ‘heat goes away: sexual disorders of married women with female genital mutilation/cutting in Kenya. Reproductive Health, 14(1), 1-9.

Pound, P., Denford, S., Shucksmith, J., Tanton, C., Johnson, A. M., Owen, J., ... & Campbell, R. (2017). What is the best practice in sex and relationship education? A synthesis of evidence, including stakeholders' views. BMJ Open, 7(5), e014791.

Rubinsky, V. (2018). “Sometimes it’s easier to type things than to say them”: Technology in BDSM sexual partner communication. Sexuality & Culture, 22(4), 1412-1431.