Does Anal Hurt? 9 Common Questions About Anal Sex Answered!

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Tatyana Dyachenko
Psychologist and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Let’s be honest – the world of anal sex comes with a lot of questions, doesn’t it? Does it hurt? How do you even get started? And what’s the deal with lube? These aren’t the kind of things most people feel comfortable asking over a cup of tea, but the curiosity is real. Whether you’re a total beginner or someone with a bit of experience, there’s always room to learn and explore safely and comfortably.

Here’s the thing: anal sex doesn’t have to be a mystery or a painful experience. With the right preparation, some top-notch lube, and an open mind, it can be enjoyable, safe, and absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

In this article, we’re diving into 10 of the most burning questions about anal sex – from pain and preparation to pleasure and personal boundaries. By the end, you’ll feel informed, empowered, and ready to approach anal play with confidence. Ready? Let’s begin!

Does Anal Hurt?

Let’s get straight to it: anal sex might sting a little if you’re not prepared, but it doesn’t have to be a painful experience. Why does it hurt sometimes? Well, imagine trying to shove a square peg into a round hole without any prep—sounds unpleasant, right? Discomfort often comes down to rushing, skipping essential steps like lubrication, or feeling tense. But when done right, anal play can be enjoyable and pain-free.

Barbara Santini, a psychologist and relationship advisor from Peaches and Screams, says:"Pain often stems from skipping the basics. Patience, communication, and relaxation are essential for turning what could be an uncomfortable experience into an intimate one."

Katie Lasson, a sex and relationship advisor, backs this up with some lube wisdom:

"If there’s one thing you should never skip during anal play, it’s lubrication. It’s the bridge between discomfort and pleasure. Without it, you’re setting yourself up for friction—and not the fun kind."

But it’s not just about the physical prep. Tatyana Dyachenko, a sexual and relationship therapist, explains: "The mind and body are deeply connected. If you’re nervous or not fully comfortable with your partner, your muscles will tense, making the experience far less pleasant. Trust and relaxation are key."

So, what’s the solution? Start slow. Don’t skip the foreplay – it’s not just a warm-up; it’s essential for loosening the anal muscles. Use a generous amount of lube (seriously, there’s no such thing as too much here), and take your time. If you’re new to anal sex, consider starting with smaller toys or fingers to ease into it.

And don’t forget to communicate! Ask your partner how they’re feeling, check in frequently, and stop if things feel off. Anal play isn’t about rushing to the finish line—it’s about enjoying the journey, one step at a time.

If you do everything right and still experience pain, take a breather and reassess. Sometimes, a different position or more preparation can make all the difference. And if the discomfort persists, don’t hesitate to seek medical advice. Pain-free, pleasurable anal sex is more than possible—it’s absolutely achievable with the right approach.

Is Anal Sore? Try This!

So, you gave anal sex a go, and now things feel a bit tender? Don’t panic – it happens to the best of us. Soreness after anal play is pretty common, especially if it’s your first time or you skipped a few essential steps like using enough lube or taking it slow. The good news? There are plenty of ways to soothe that discomfort and get back to feeling your best.

First up, try a warm bath. It’s like a spa day for your bum – the warmth relaxes muscles, reduces tension, and promotes healing. You can even add Epsom salts for an extra soothing touch. Just avoid scrubbing or using harsh soaps in the area. Keep things gentle and kind.

If the soreness is more than just a passing twinge, reach for a gentle ointment. A dab of aloe vera or a fragrance-free moisturiser can work wonders for calming irritated skin. Just make sure you’re using something safe for sensitive areas – your everyday body lotion probably won’t cut it.

Now, here’s the thing: as much as you might be tempted to try again soon, give yourself some recovery time. Think of your body like a runner after a marathon – it needs rest before the next big event. Avoid anything that could irritate the area further, like rough fabrics, tight underwear, or more anal play until you’re completely healed.

When should you call a doctor? If the soreness doesn’t go away after a few days, gets worse, or comes with other symptoms like bleeding or fever, it’s time to consult a healthcare provider.Dyachenkosays:"Persistent pain or irritation after anal sex shouldn’t be ignored. Your body knows when something’s wrong, and listening to it is the best way to prevent long-term issues."

In most cases, though, a little self-care is all you need to bounce back. So, pamper yourself, rest up, and don’t let a bit of soreness put you off exploring in the future. Just remember, preparation and patience are your best friends when it comes to avoiding discomfort next time.

Why Does Anal Hurt Even if I’ve Had It Before?

Tried anal before, loved it, but now it’s suddenly uncomfortable? You’re not alone. Recurring pain can throw even the most confident explorers off their game, but there’s usually a simple explanation – and an easy fix.

First, let’s talk lubrication. Even if you’re no stranger to anal play, skipping or skimping on lube can turn what should be a smooth ride into a bumpy one. Remember, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so never underestimate the power of a generous dollop of high-quality lube. Lasson says:"Lubrication isn’t just for beginners; it’s a must every single time. Without it, you’re risking friction, discomfort, and even injury."

Another culprit? Tension. Stress, fatigue, or feeling unsure about your partner can lead to tightened muscles. Santini explains: "Even if you’ve enjoyed anal sex before, your mindset plays a huge role. Anxiety or stress can make your body resist, turning an enjoyable experience into a painful one."

Medical issues might also be to blame. Haemorrhoids, anal fissures, or infections could cause discomfort even if everything else seems fine. Dyachenko warns:"Recurring pain could signal an underlying condition that needs attention. Ignoring it might make things worse, so it’s always better to get checked by a healthcare professional if the pain persists."

So, what’s the solution? Start by revisiting the basics. Use more lube than you think you need, take things slowly, and ensure you’re relaxed and comfortable. A warm-up session, with fingers or smaller toys, can help ease the transition. Communicate with your partner – check in often to ensure everything feels good.

Why Is Lube So Important When It Comes to Anal?

If anal sex has a golden rule, it’s this: never skip the lube. Seriously, if you remember nothing else, let it be this. Without lube, anal play can feel like trying to slide down a dry slip ‘n slide – uncomfortable at best and painful at worst. The anus doesn’t naturally produce lubrication, so adding it is absolutely essential to reduce friction, prevent pain, and make things enjoyable.

Lasson puts it simply: "Lube is non-negotiable. It’s the difference between discomfort and pleasure. Skipping lube is like baking without butter – you might get something out of it, but it won’t be as smooth or enjoyable."

What’s the Best Lube for Anal Play?

Not all lubes are created equal, and choosing the right one can make all the difference. Silicone-based lubricants are a fan favourite for anal sex because they’re long-lasting, super slippery, and don’t dry out quickly. They’re perfect for extended sessions but can’t be used with silicone toys (it’s like a chemistry mishap waiting to happen).

Water-based lubes are a great all-rounder – they’re toy-friendly and easy to clean up, but they tend to dry out faster. The trick? Keep a bottle nearby for reapplication when needed. Avoid oil-based lubes if you’re using condoms, as they can weaken the latex and lead to breakage. And let’s be clear: cooking oils or random household lotions are not substitutes.

Santini advises: "Invest in a high-quality lubricant designed specifically for intimate play. Your body deserves better than makeshift alternatives that could irritate sensitive skin."

How to Use Lube Effectively

Start with a generous amount – more than you think you need. Apply it directly to the anus, your partner, or the toy, and don’t be shy about reapplying throughout. If you’re new to anal play, it’s a good idea to test the lube beforehand to ensure it feels right and doesn’t cause irritation.

Dyachenko adds:"Think of lube as a safety net. It enhances pleasure and reduces the risk of tears or friction burns. Don’t just use it – embrace it."Ultimately, lube isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a must-have. Treat it like your trusty sidekick in any anal adventure – because, honestly, it’s the real MVP.

Why Should I Use Condoms during Anal Sex?

Condoms aren’t just for preventing pregnancy – they’re an absolute must when it comes to anal sex. The risks of STIs and infections are higher during anal intercourse, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. The anal lining is delicate and more prone to tiny tears, which can act like open doors for bacteria and viruses.

Santini explains: "The risk of transmitting STIs, including HIV, is significantly higher during anal sex compared to vaginal sex. Condoms act as a barrier, offering much-needed protection while allowing you to enjoy intimacy without worry."

Condoms provide a safeguard against infections like gonorrhoea, chlamydia, and HIV. But that’s not all – they also make cleanup easier and more hygienic. Anal sex can involve contact with bacteria from the rectum, and using a condom prevents cross-contamination if you’re switching between activities, like moving from anal to vaginal sex.

Lasson adds:"Using condoms during anal play isn’t just about safety – it’s about showing care and respect for your partner. It’s a small step that can make a big difference in building trust and comfort."

When it comes to proper condom use during anal sex, there are a few key tips to keep in mind. Opt for stronger, thicker condoms designed specifically for anal sex, as they are less likely to break under pressure. Apply plenty of water- or silicone-based lube to both the outside of the condom and the anus to reduce friction and lower the risk of tears. Always inspect the condom for any visible tears or defects before use, and never reuse condoms or switch between partners or activities with the same one – it’s a recipe for infections. After use, tie off the condom and dispose of it in the bin; avoid flushing it as it can cause plumbing issues.

Dyachenko emphasises:"Using condoms doesn’t just protect you physically – it also enhances the sense of security and trust between partners. It’s a simple way to ensure everyone feels safe and cared for."

Ultimately, condoms aren’t just a practical tool – they’re an essential part of keeping anal sex safe, clean, and worry-free. Think of them as your trusty armour in the world of adventurous intimacy!

What Prep Should I Do Before Anal Sex?

Preparation is key to making anal sex a smooth, enjoyable experience – and it starts long before the main event. Whether you’re a first-timer or an experienced pro, taking the right steps beforehand can help prevent discomfort, reduce anxiety, and ensure everything goes as planned. Let’s dive into a step-by-step guide on how to prepare for anal sex.

First things first: hygiene. There’s no need to get obsessive, but it’s important to feel clean and confident. A quick shower or bath can do wonders. Some people prefer using an enema to clear out the rectum beforehand, but this isn’t essential unless it makes you feel more comfortable. Just remember, don’t overdo it – overuse of enemas can cause irritation or disrupt the natural balance of bacteria in your gut.

Next up is relaxation. The more relaxed you are, the better things will go. Tension and anxiety can cause your muscles to tighten up, which might make the experience uncomfortable. Before jumping in, take a few deep breaths, engage in some light foreplay, or do whatever makes you feel at ease. A relaxed body and mind make all the difference in how your muscles respond to anal play.

Lasson emphasises:"Getting comfortable with your body and your partner is just as important as the physical prep. When you feel at ease, your muscles relax, making the whole experience much more enjoyable."

Communication is crucial. Make sure you and your partner are on the same page about what’s going to happen. Discuss boundaries, desires, and any concerns you may have. This isn’t just about consent – it’s about ensuring you both feel safe, respected, and excited about the experience. Talk about how to stop if anything feels off or painful.

Now, let’s tackle a few common myths about cleanliness. It’s a common misconception that anal sex is dirty or inherently unhygienic. In reality, as long as you take some basic steps to clean up before and after, there’s no reason to worry. The anus is not "dirty" by default – it’s simply an area that requires a bit of extra care. As long as you maintain good hygiene and use protection (like condoms), anal sex can be just as safe and hygienic as any other kind of play.

Santini adds:"There’s no need to be ashamed of wanting to prepare properly. Good hygiene and clear communication with your partner can turn a potentially awkward situation into something pleasurable and safe."

In short, proper preparation for anal sex involves cleaning up, relaxing, and communicating openly with your partner. The more relaxed and comfortable you feel, the better the experience will be. Don’t rush, take your time, and always listen to your body.

Anal Is Painful – Is Something Wrong?

Anal sex isn’t supposed to be painful, and if you’re feeling discomfort that lingers or worsens, it might be a sign that something’s off. Pain during or after anal sex isn’t always a red flag, but persistent or severe discomfort could indicate a more serious issue. Let’s break down the common causes of anal pain and when you should seek medical attention.

First, consider tears or cuts. If you feel sharp pain or discomfort, it could be due to a small tear in the anal tissue, known as an anal fissure. These can happen if the skin is stretched too quickly or if you weren’t sufficiently lubricated. Luckily, fissures usually heal on their own with proper care, but they can be painful while they do. A soothing balm like aloe vera or an over-the-counter ointment may help speed up recovery.

Another common issue is haemorrhoids, which are swollen blood vessels around the anus. These can be triggered or aggravated by anal sex, especially if it’s rough or if you’re straining too much during the act. Haemorrhoids can cause a burning or itchy sensation, and in some cases, they can bleed. If you think you have haemorrhoids, over-the-counter creams or suppositories can relieve symptoms, but if they don’t improve, it’s best to consult a doctor.

Sometimes, pain can be a sign of an infection. The anus and rectum are areas where bacteria can thrive, and any small tear or irritation can invite infections, such as anal abscesses or STIs. If the pain is accompanied by fever, swelling, or unusual discharge, it’s essential to seek medical attention immediately.

Dyachenko explains: "Pain that doesn’t go away, or gets worse with time, is a sign that something needs attention. It’s important to listen to your body and take it seriously, whether the issue is a small tear or something more serious."

I Like Anal Sex, But Is There Something Wrong with That?

Let’s get one thing straight: enjoying anal sex is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it’s a perfectly normal, valid, and consensual way to explore intimacy. Whether it’s part of your regular routine or just something you’ve tried out of curiosity, your preferences are your own, and they deserve to be respected.

There’s no “normal” when it comes to sexual experiences – everyone’s different. Some people love it, others don’t, and that’s completely okay. Sexual preferences vary, and what matters most is that what you’re doing feels good and consensual for you and your partner. So if you’re enjoying anal sex, you're doing it right.

Santini reassures:"Pleasure comes in many forms, and it’s important to honour your desires without feeling guilty. If anal sex is something you enjoy and it’s safe, consensual, and mutually respectful, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that."

You might have heard negative things or experienced stigma around anal sex, but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or taboo. The world of sex is vast, and people have all sorts of preferences and kinks. What’s key is ensuring that it’s something you’re comfortable with, that it aligns with your boundaries, and that you feel respected in your sexual relationships.

Lasson adds:"There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to sexual preferences. What feels right for you is what’s most important. Sexual expression is personal, and as long as it’s safe and consensual, it’s all fair game."

So, if anal sex is part of your sexual repertoire and you’re enjoying it, congratulations! Don’t let anyone make you feel like it’s “wrong” just because it’s not a preference shared by everyone. Celebrate your own unique desires, and keep prioritising communication, consent, and safety in your intimate experiences.

Do Other People Like to Masturbate Anally?

The short answer? Yes, many people do! In fact, anal masturbation is a common and perfectly normal way to explore your body, and you're definitely not alone if it’s something you’re curious about. The anus is rich in nerve endings, making it a highly sensitive area for many, which means it can offer a different kind of pleasure during self-exploration.

If you're new to anal masturbation, the key is to start slow. It’s important to listen to your body and figure out what feels right for you. Whether you’re using your fingers or toys, lubrication is your best friend. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so using plenty of high-quality lube helps prevent discomfort and makes the experience much more enjoyable. Be sure to use a water-based or silicone-based lube (depending on what you’re using), and always keep it nearby for reapplication as needed.

Dyachenko encourages:"Exploring anal play on your own is a great way to understand your body and your own desires. Take your time, experiment, and remember that it’s all about what feels pleasurable to you."

As for toys, there’s no shortage of options – from anal beads to butt plugs, there’s a range of tools designed to enhance the experience. Just make sure that whatever you use is designed for anal play, and always ensure that toys have a flared base for safety, so they don’t get lost or stuck. And remember, cleanliness is paramount. Always wash your hands and toys before and after use to prevent any potential infections or irritation.

My Husband Wants Me to Try Anal On Him. Is That Weird?

Not at all! In fact, it’s more common than you might think. The idea of one partner wanting to explore anal play with the other isn’t as unusual as it may seem, and many couples enjoy experimenting with this kind of intimacy.

The prostate, often called the "male G-spot," is located just inside the anus, and for many men, stimulating this area can lead to intense pleasure. Some people find that prostate stimulation can bring a new level of intensity to orgasms, which is why exploring anal play – including pegging – is becoming more popular among couples.

Dyachenko suggests:"Exploring new forms of intimacy is about trust and communication. When both partners are open to trying something new, it can enhance the connection and bring new dimensions to your sexual relationship."

If your husband is interested in trying anal play, the most important thing is to have ahonest conversation about boundaries, comfort levels, and expectations. Discuss whether you're both excited about the idea and what you both want to try. It’s essential to make sure that you both feel comfortable and that the experience is something you’re both willing and excited to explore together.

Start slowly. Just like with any new form of sexual exploration, there’s no need to rush. Using plenty of lube, communicating frequently, and paying attention to comfort levels will help ensure that the experience is enjoyable for both of you. If you're trying pegging, start with smaller toys designed for male anal play, and gradually work your way up. And don’t forget, taking breaks and checking in with each other during the process is key to making the experience fun and satisfying.

The Bottom Line

Feeling unsure or a bit overwhelmed after reading all of this?It’s completely natural. Navigating new experiences, especially intimate ones, can stir up a lot of emotions, but the key is knowing that knowledge is power. With the right preparation, communication, and safety, anal sex doesn’t have to be intimidating – it can be deeply rewarding. Remember, taking care of yourself and your partner, being patient, and prioritising comfort will lead to better experiences. The journey is yours, so explore it with confidence and respect.