WHAT IS BDSM: IN-DEPTH BEGINNERS GUIDE & DISCOVER WHY IT’S SO DAMN ENJOYABLE!

You must have read or listened to multiple sources about BDSM, and how it can bring you an intensely packed, new, and imaginatively borderline sexual experiences. In this world, it is said that there is a thin line that separates pain from pleasure. Well, stay with me and learn more, starting with what exactly is BDSM.

The initials here represent an umbrella of an array of activities which may or may not be sexual related. In long BDSM represents; Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Submission and Masochism.  

BDSM has increasingly grown to form a fabric of our culture. Although there are pieces of proof that it existed hundreds of years ago; it is only after the post war times that it actually grew and took root in the society. Currently, some of these practices are included in literal works such as novels and poems. E.L’s novel Fifty Shades of Grey is a typical example of such growth.

In this practice, the general idea is that there is a dominant and a submissive. The dominant is the custodian of pain, pleasure, reward, or punishment. In return the submissive receives all these on the back of performing other services for the dominant.

There are several misconceptions about BDSM. For instance, it was considered a mental disorder. Some say, people who attain interest in this activity have a history of bad relationships; implying abuse and violence. Similarly, some groups indicated their reservations over claims that BDSM was a misogynistic activity and it sounded like only men are interested in it. A lot has been said on the topic, but the fact remains that the participants usually give their consent. And, research indicates that women just like men register interest with the activity. There are several cases online to disapprove these myths and misconceptions about BDSM.

To this effect, BDSM has its toys which range from simple gags and ties, to cuffs, crops, whips, etc. It is now clear that BDSM is a broad topic. We cannot include everything, but we shall summarize the important pointers to note.

BDSM: Beginner’s guide

The introduction of BDSM to your relationship needs to follow some strict rules.

1. Seek your partners approval.
2. Be specific about what you want and what intend to do.
3. Take a step back and start from a point of no knowledge.

Of course, there are more rules, but these three will help you and your partner ease into the culture seamlessly.

Communication

Theres always negotiations in BDSM engagements. And to have a functioning relationship, couples need to engage in continuous discussions and communication. The first discussion is always on the intent to practice BDSM.

To maximize your chances of achieving some positive feedback, wait until they are well-aroused to bring up the topic. If not, you will receive inhibitions the entire way. A honey person tends to be more receptive to new sexual ideas that they may have otherwise vetoed down.

While introducing the idea, it would be best to directly and specifically outline what you might want to try. Some spanking, blindfolding, handcuffing, restraining, biting, whipping, etc. sounds like a good place to start. You cannot however introduce more than what your partner can handle.

BDSM: Safety

Safety, sanity, and consensually is a basic BDSM tenet that firmly advocates for the provision of a safe environment for any BDSM activity to take place. Now, safety can be explained in a wide spectrum, including physical, sex toys, emotional, etc. Also, there’s another concept called RACK; Risk-Aware, Consensual, Kink. This implies that it doesn’t matter who you are pairing up with, neither does it where you and what you have agreed upon, there’s always that element of risking involved. Therefore, safety is strictly non-negotiable.

There are times when consent needs proof. This is why there are contracts – which are legally binding that are negotiated, agreed between parties, and signed. Such agreements typically lay bare the limits to which both parties have agreed to explore.

In BDSM there are those things that you wouldn’t want to participate in. These are what they refer to as hard limits. Here, you can register your displeasure for canes or ball gags. In this case, they become your hard limits. On the other hand, those things you want to try are called soft limits.

Contracts generally contain everything you agree and disagree to do. It will also contain some mentions of pet names you choose for yourselves, any preexisting illnesses, any allergies, if any, agreed upon diets, etc. most importantly; safe words.

Subs usually agree to a safe word they will remember to utter when a scene n the play gets too intense for them to handle. Safe words need to be kept easy, short and straightforward. This makes it easy for the submissive to remember during a highly intense play.

Other risks may occur when playing scenes that may involve drawing or stopping blood circulation, using the sex toys on more than one party, and neck binding. You are always running a risk of transmitting infections or causing death.

BDSM: Aftercare

There is a condition in BDSM they refer to as Sub Drop. As the sub’s body settles after a sustained period of arousal and sexual exploration, they may find themselves in a state of profound exhaustion. They may feel sadness, guilt, and almost remorse accompanied by shaking or chills.

The dominant needs to exercise aftercare to mitigate such conditions. Cuddling is the most common practice of aftercare that helps relieve sub drop. Sometimes, to replenish the lost electrolytes, dominant partners provide nutritional and mineral-boosted drinks to their subs. Watching movies or playing a game might as well come in handy.

The bottom line

You can always learn one or two new things to do in your relationship to make more fun and comfortable. BDSM is one of those activities you can engage in with your partner.

You are however required to do some background research on the activity before you introduce it home. Remember, the safety and well-being of your partner is more profound than the fun you get in any kinky sex play.