Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

By Elena Ognivtseva

Oh the joys of holidays are almost upon us – that is if we have children at school.

For some of us frantic mums it means a well-deserved break from the routine and daily grind but for others it’s the same, if not more work as we shunt the children off to school holiday activities and continue to juggle the usual tasks.

But some of us do manage to escape although with children in tow, we tend to reach our holiday destination feeling exhausted with a huge overwhelming need to rest, sleep and recuperate from the frantic pace we experienced in the lead up to getting away.

That's until we get the look from our eager partner that says it all - “we’re on holiday so where’s the sex”?

Holiday sex conjures up all sorts of different meanings, and some of us unwittingly set ourselves up for disappointment if we compare the current holiday to ones in our past where we didn’t have children.

Invariably holidays with small children hold limited possibilities for complete relaxation, let alone sex. Most of us with children know that it is the ‘same routine different place’. Holidays are never going to offer much more than the chance to do all the usual stuff in a more scenic location.

In the frenzy of our child-centric era couples’ needs get relegated – and holidays with children are no different. Spontaneous sex during the day is unlikely unless you make specific arrangements for couple time. It is absolutely crucial to prioritise some time for you as a couple to nurture the emotional intimacy, irrespective of whether you make love or not.

If there are problems regarding sex or lack of it at home they will not magically disappear on holiday – just as the mundane requirements in looking after children do not disappear. If anything they may become exacerbated.

Often couples that have experienced a drop off in their sexual frequency need to reconnect and top up their emotional intimacy bank before they feel love towards each other. It’s hard to make love and express love if you do not feel love. In our busy lives conversations tend to become minimised to the bare essentials and even our lovemaking reverts to shorthand as opposed to longer, languid lovemaking sessions that we probably had at the beginning of our relationship.

So if sex is on the agenda you need to make it happen – and be willing to create couple time among family time.

Ultimately holiday sex is influenced by a number of key factors: your age, relationship status and duration, weather, location, others travelling with you including friends, immediate family and other relatives, and of course bedding arrangements.

I admire those families that appear to seamlessly pack everyone up and ease into holiday mode wherever they may go or be … but remember, it’s often not what we see or imagine behind the scenes!

Also remember that stay-at-home holidays can be just as relaxing, if not more so than going away. Holidays can be a state of mind – a bit like sex really!