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IS POLYAMORY RIGHT FOR YOU? 8 QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU DECIDE

IS POLYAMORY RIGHT FOR YOU? 8 QUESTIONS TO HELP YOU DECIDE

Most people are thinking about polyamory, and they are not sure if they are ready to give it a try. Polyamory is not a decision for one partner to make. It should be a mutual discussion and understanding. Before making such a decision, there are some questions you need to ask yourself including; are you jealous?

Polyamory is the idea where you are allowed to love multiple partners and have a romantic relationship at the same time as Labriola (2013) explained. In this relationship, you can involve some values such as love, commitment, equality, and intimacy. It is also called an open relationship. When you want to be in such a relationship, you all need to consent from each other for it to be a success. According to Michaels (2015), polyamorous people can also be currently unattached but looking forward to a multi-partner relationship. Polyamory is not for all, and it is seen that more people are wondering if the idea could work for them because it is more complicated compared to monogamy. The relationship is socially stigmatized, more emotionally complex, and logistically complicated. Moreover, Balzarini et al. (2017) stated that polyamorous individuals face stigma. You don’t want to get into something that will fail. This article outlines some of the questions that will help you decide if polyamory is right. 

Is Your Relationship Happy and Stable?

Are you in a relationship and most probably a monogamous one, and you want to consider opening it up? You should make sure that it is solid. To decide on such a relationship, you should make sure your current relationship is okay and have good communication. If you are thinking of saving, you almost need a relationship with the idea of polyamory which is one of the recipes for disaster.

Do You Want an Open Relationship?

You must answer this obvious question if you want to get into an open relationship. Most people are making arrangements for what they are not sure about. Most polyamory proponents argue that no human is non-polyandry, which is not agreeable since sometimes you feel like monogamy works best for you. Some characters, such as introverted people, can make it hard for you to have a successful open relationship. Most extroverts can make good non-monogamous relationships, and most people are somewhere in between. Know where you fall so that you can make the decision that will fit you instead of having stress trying to cope with the new relationships you are making. Take your time to know where you fall and if having multiple partners will benefit you and make you happy. Also, consider your surrounding and how the society around you view open relationship. If it leads you to be traumatized, polyamory is not for you.

Are You Jealous?

Human beings are known to be jealous, but it varies from person to person. To have a successful polyamory relationship, you should be impervious to jealousy. However, most people who are in a free relationship are jealous but have to control the feeling so that it doesn’t turn out otherwise and abide by the agreement you had before going in. Therefore, the less jealous, the better you will enjoy the relationship. If there is a chance that you will be jealous, then polyamory is not for you. It will do you more harm than good.

Are You Enthusiastic About Sex and a Relationship Communicator?

A relationship is well built on your communication as a couple. There is a lot to talk about in a relationship, but it doesn't happen more often in a monogamous relationship. In your relationship, it is hard to communicate how you would bring up the issue of the open relationship because it should involve the other party and get their consent. You all need to have an extensive discussion, determine your partner's desires and limitations, and come up with a common agreement and rule. Make time for yourself and come back to check the agreement and make changes to fit you as a couple. This should often deal with unexpected emotions, such as anger, conflict, and jealousy. You should be a good communicator and listener if you want to be in an open relationship. If you think that you are ready to keep up with the physical hurt and emotional torture that will come with being in an open relationship, and you feel it is worth giving all that up, then you are good to go.

How Anxiously Attached are You?

How is your current romantic relationship? How well can you explain your relationship attachment? If you care about each other, you always need assurance if the person cares about you, ore you are scared you can be abandoned. When you have a definite answer or can use one of these statements to explain your relationship briefly, you are aware of how anxiously you want each other. Recent research has shown that people anxiously attached were less satisfied in their monogamous relationships. Whichever way, you should first understand your relationship very well before settling for the decision of having an open relationship. This is how you will tell if you are ready for an open relationship.

How Cognitively Flexible and Tolerant are You?

For you and your partner to have a successful polyamory relationship, you should look into the critical issues. The agreement is not something that should be rigid and, at times, cannot be in black and white to stay there forever. Therefore, it is important to take in the transmigrations from the other areas without destroying your non-monogamy relationship, which is why the rules will change more often. You should neutrally treat the new ambiguity and be ready to change to the ever-changing goals and situations; this will call for your cognitive flexibility.

Conclusion

The above-discussed questions are some of the things that you need to have an answer to. They will help you decide if polyamory is fit for you. Do not limit yourself from thinking critically about the entire idea before making a decision. Moreover, do not be biased and be open to the changes that come with the new norm in your relationship.

References

Balzarini, R. N., Campbell, L., Kohut, T., Holmes, B. M., Lehmiller, J. J., Harman, J. J., & Atkins, N. (2017). Perceptions of primary and secondary relationships in polyamory. PloS one12(5), e0177841.

Labriola, K. (2013). The jealousy workbook: Exercises and insights for managing open relationships. SCB Distributors.Michaels, M. (2015). Designer relationships: A guide to happy monogamy, positive polyamory, and optimistic open relationships. Cleis Press Start.

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