COMMUNICATION AS A TOOL FOR BETTER SEX

Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

In matters concerning sex, communication is crucial. It'll more sexually fulfill you if you're more honest with your spouse. Herein is about communication for better sex, including; getting out of the bedroom to have sex conversations, choosing better ways, and knowing your partner's love language.

People know how important communication is in all relationships, and it may help them rock their bed. That's because communicating clearly states what you like and don't, and the results: there's greater clarity. You'll also feel better understood by your spouse, who might otherwise be up all night trying to figure out what's going on in your head. People often go to assumptions when they don't understand something. Assumptions may lead to believe the worst, and often the worst since people are self-critical humans and susceptible. That is occurring because people aren't good enough or didn't do something correctly. While they take that stance, they are either attacking or defensive, rather than open. This can lead to a troublesome dynamic when sex is involved and if people keep going in circles.

People expect everything to be flawless without saying anything, and it feels like their partners should be psychic and know precisely what to do to them, when to do it, and what they would like. All bodies and individuals are different, and people have interests, likes, and dislikes in other areas of their lives, which are cherished. life would be dull if people were alike; but it appears that in sex, they want to know more. Some people believe that much of this is due to the pressure they experience to get sex right when the error margin is limited, and the repercussions are severe if they make a mistake. sex is inextricably related to feelings of guilt and humiliation, heightened when things don't go as planned for some people. Sex doesn't always go as planned; it's that people don't talk about it when it doesn't. How can a person take this advice and put it into practice to better their sexual lives? How are we supposed to apply all of this rhetoric about healthy sex communication?

Get Out Of The Bedroom And Have Sex Conversations.

It may be beneficial to have sex-related chats outside the bedroom. It's not the most significant moment to tell your partner you have had sex since you're implying that something happened that has to be addressed, which isn't helpful. Your sexual life ought to be a work in progress at all times. The most significant moment of sex talk may be during intercourse, but this is not the case. According to Schalet (2004), a partner should have effective talks with a clear brain, which is tough to do while your hormones are raging. This isn't to imply you shouldn't tell your partner things you enjoy and dislike during sex or that you shouldn't intervene if they do anything you don't like, but it does mean that a broader discussion of your sex life should take place outside of the bedroom.

Choose A Better Way To Say What You Want

Sex entails some vulnerability and intimacy, whether for a long-term relationship or a one-night stand, as Testa et al. (2007) noted. Picking the right moment to tell your partner you don't enjoy what they've been doing for the past six months may be demoralizing. phrasing is quite essential. 'Don't do it that way,' as opposed to 'Do it this way,' is more damaging and less helpful. While you support openness and honesty about what occurs between the sheets, you believe that discussing your sex life should be reserved for times when you aren't between the covers. This isn't to suggest you shouldn't express what you enjoy and don't like at the moment; instead, if you want to have a more in-depth discussion of your sex life, it's preferable to do it during a non-sexual time.

Know Each Other’s Love Language

Daniel & Faoth (2021) revealed that words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts are the five forms of affection. People may accept and appreciate any of them while they are most secure and at their happiest, but when they get more worried, exhausted, or angry, they prefer to receive one of them. This isn't only about your spouse understanding what form of affection you enjoy; it's also about us learning that we're more inclined to deliver our favorite kind of love to our partners. You might assume your brief kiss or embrace is comforting them when your spouse genuinely needs to hear a heartfelt 'I love you. However, people need to make progress back from time and intentionally choose to express their love and devotion for their spouse in a way that isn't their natural go-to. It is the most effective way of communicating it to them.

Talk Of Times When You Had Good Sex With Each Other

Inform each other what you appreciated about each of those events. Appreciate their sensation, the act, the setting, or the opportunity to try something new in your relationship, as Tachi (2022) showed. Don't be scared to disclose to one another, and be exploratory in your talk. Often, people are most ashamed about discussing sex with a partner with whom they have it, yet the rewards of doing so may be tremendous. Consider what you'd like to change and be explicit; telling your spouse that you'd like better sex is vague and ineffective. Also, ensure it's a good statement. You will instantly go on the defensive or attack, which will not allow you to explore what incredible sex means to you and what it looks like if you are criticized. Remember that this is about making what you and your partner already have even better. People should also invest in and nurture their sex lives and relationships in the same way they do with their professions. However, they may need a nudge that they must be the ones to make these changes. Consider doing what you used to do when you first met.

References

Daniela, L., & Faoth, F. P. (2021). THE PORTRAYAL OF DAPHNE BRIGERTON’S LOVE LANGUAGE, SEMIOTIC ANALYSIS IN THE BRIDGERTON SERIES. International Journal Of Literature And Language Studies, 1(1), 18-42.

Schalet, A. T. (2000). Raging Hormones, Regulated Love: Adolescent Sexuality And The Constitution Of The Modern Individual In The United States And The Netherlands. Body & Society, 6(1), 75-105.

Tacchi, J. (2002). Radio Texture: Between Self And Others1. In Material Cultures (Pp. 25-45). Routledge.Testa, M., Vanzile-Tamsen, C., & Livingston, J. A. (2007). Prospective Prediction Of Women's Sexual Victimization By Intimate And Nonintimate Male Perpetrators. Journal Of Consulting And Clinical Psychology, 75(1), 52.