What is cuckolding? How does cuckolding happen, and what does it entail? Why do so many people get such an erotic thrill from the idea? This article explains what cuckolding is and why it is a popular fantasy in the modern world.

Cuckolding has become one of the most popular fantasies of the day, and its popularity shows no signs of slowing down. If you're not sure what it is and why it's so thrilling, here's a quick introduction to the basics of cuckolding. The more you know about this fantasy and what it involves, the more likely you are to be able to understand why people have been into it recently.

What is cuckolding?

Perotta (2020) explained that it refers to the pleasure of watching your partner having sex with someone else. It may seem to be something that only exists in the porn industry but is surprisingly gaining hold in modern society. In the ancient days, a cuckold was a man who was mocked or shamed for his wife's lack of sexual interest which led to the wife having sex with another guy. In many cases of cuckoldry, the man prefers to watch or hear their wife have an intimate relationship with a third party. But cuckolding these days can be a kinky choice for partners of any sexuality and gender. It may even seem like an open relationship, with the prime goal being the wife’s sexual endeavors. How do you fantasize about it?: Many people fantasize about how it would feel to see their spouse/partner with another person. People want to see their partner doing it varies, but two common types of fantasy scenarios seem to come up most often: The first type has been referred to as forced cuckolding. It involves one partner forcing (often at gunpoint) the other partner into performing oral sex on someone else, being tied up while they're forced into intercourse, etc. There are also milder versions where one partner blackmails or threatens harm against themselves if they don't go through with it.

Why does cuckolding appeal to some people?

It might seem awkward that someone might enjoy seeing their partner have sexual activities with a third party, especially if they help choose the third party, referred to as the bull or their partner's outfit. But there are many reasons why people may find pleasure in the act. One such reason is the aspect of taboo. Block (2015) explained that because many heterosexual partners are viewed as having a holy union, and in most cases, having a sexual relationship with another third party is often seen as taboo. Normally, as an issue or act is seen as a taboo by society, the more seducing and sexually attractive it is to some. 

Many women or men may find that they are not sexually attracted to their partner, therefore lacking any desire to have sex with them. But on the other hand, they may be very much attracted to other partners but do not want to leave their current relationship for one reason or another. For example, if a woman finds her husband unattractive but loves him dearly, she would still like for him and herself to enjoy sexual activities together. Still, she will also wish for another man she finds attractive in terms of looks and personality and being physically fit to satisfy her sexually without fail. The above study also stated that it becomes obvious why cuckolding can be so appealing in such cases. On the other hand, the male might find pleasure or satisfaction in knowing or seeing his partner is satisfied sexually. Therefore, they may participate in cuckoldry because they want to see their partner satisfied.

Another reason might be because the husband finds the wife very attractive and might have a sense of pride when they see that their wife is liked or wanted by other men. It is a rare case, though, and can be referred to as candaulism. However, this is a much more familiar case to hot wifing, when someone wants to show off their hot partner to others. Other men, however, may find excitement and sexual charge in the jealousy of their partners having sex with a third party. This urge may usually lead to the cuck having an intense orgasm and a shorter refractory period as there is the urge to satisfy their partner more often. Dempsey (2019) states that cuckolding is a fetish that appeals to many people who feel its benefits are greater than its cons. There are many reasons why it can be appealing, but one must keep in mind that all fetishes are not for everyone and what you might think is hot, your partner might find it disgusting or awkward, which might result in relationship problems.

How do people act out cuckold fantasies in real life?

Cuckoldry is a fantasy that entails a different kinds of fetishes and is complex on its own. Tarant (2016) stated that this makes it hard to act out in real life and takes a lot of understanding from both partners to make it a success. It requires first that you and your partner understand the consequences and emotions that this fetish might have on your relationship. So how do you talk to your partner? First, you have to choose the right time so that everyone has enough time and is in the perfect mood to talk to them about the issue, and remember to take it slow on every detail. You have to ensure that your partner understands why you want to try things out and that they don’t have any assumptions about why you may be into cuckoldry.

The next big task is finding the perfect third party, and it might be awkward to explain it to someone in detail as you don’t know what the other person might think of it. So finding kinky events or workshops close in your area is much easier; it might be even better to use dating apps such as tinder or Feeld and explain it in your bio.

So why are these fantasies so popular today in porn and romance novels if they're so unrealistic?

The media plays an important role in influencing public acceptance of new practices and ideas. What people see and read impacts their behavior, so when porn stars start performing cuckold scenes and romance novelists start penning cuckold stories, it shifts cultural norms. It's another example of how porn stars are our first line of defense in changing how we view sex and sexuality; it's no accident that more women are looking for close contact without penetration, thanks to what they've seen in porn.

According to Felkins (2015), people are more freely acceptable in today’s modern population and tradition. They have a wider range of fantasies to pick from, making cuckoldry rather just another fantasy that people might enjoy. Cuckoldry has been from the traditional days, and it is not much of a surprise that it has picked up in the modern days. In a 2016 report, the giant porn site pornhub reported that over 1.5 million people searched it on their porn site. Other sites report it to be the second most searched heterosexual category.

Conclusion

It might be an even more commonly growing fetish than it is already is among couples. However, one important thing to remember is that not all couples might be willing to accept it as part of their sexual life. It is also okay to agree that it remains a fantasy only for your relationship.

References 

Block, S. M. (2015). Erotica: phone sex. The International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality, 325-368.

Dempsey, C. (2019). Curbing the Cuckold-Maker: The Transformation of the Restoration Rake in English Comedy, 1660-1686. University of Lethbridge (Canada).

Felkins, S. F. (2015). Fetishizing Southern Brutality: An Intersectional Analysis of Animalistic Dehumanization in Interracial Pornography.

Perrotta, G. (2020). Cuckolding and Troilism: definitions, relational and clinical contexts, emotional and sexual aspects, and neurobiological profiles. A complete review and investigation into the borderline forms of the relationship: Open Couples, Polygamy, Polyamory. Annals of Psychiatry and Treatment, 4(1), 037-042.

Tarrant, S. (2016). The pornography industry: What everyone needs to know. Oxford University Press.