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August 01, 2022 4 min read


It is normal for the mind to wander during sex. People struggle to be present, active, and in the moment. Learn how to get out of your head during sex by setting the scene, making eye contact, and foregoing routines.

Most people’s minds race with worrying thoughts or concerns about how their body looks, whether what they are doing is 'proper,' or whether they will orgasm. This is common among persons of various genders, sexual orientations, and sexual experience levels. You won't be able to enjoy sex as much if you're not present. So, how can you shelf your thoughts and be in the moment during sex? This article will guide you on being more conscious during sexfor the ultimate satisfaction. 

How To Focus During Sex

Set the Scene

Many people find it difficult to disconnect from their daily lives to concentrate on the sex session fully. Engaging in a self-care ritual and setting the environment before sex is one approach to shift from our regular life to the bedroom. Showering, putting on perfume, and getting into something seductive can assist our minds in focusing on what is to come rather than what has transpired during the day. Similarly, fostering an environment that exudes sexiness by making the bed, lighting candles, and playing music will give an out-of-the-ordinary experience, which will help improve our focus.

Connect In Your Body

We all want to concentrate on our physical experience and connection with our sexual partners during sex. Some people need to do certain activities before sex to help connect with their bodies and get out of their heads. A soothing shower, massaging yourself or your partner, or stretching or concentrating on your breath can help you let go of day-to-day thoughts and other exterior distractions, focusing inwardly on your individual experience. 

How to Get out of Your Head during Sex

Make Eye Contact

It isn't easy to think about anything else when maintaining your partner's stare. Opening your eyes during sexcan help you stay conscious, connected with your partner, and attentive to the mood and energy shifts during the experience. As a precursor to intercourse, lovers in various Tantric traditions have been urged to spend more time sitting opposite each other, quietly maintaining each other's gaze and meditating together. Doing paired meditation a few minutes before sex can bring you closer to your partner and clear your head before sex.


Couples are seldom seen conversing during sex in movies. It's assumed that if you understand your spouse, you wouldn't need to inquire what they like or tell them what we're into. Although you learn about your partners' preferences with time, making an effort to communicate during sex might help you stay aware and out of your head. Giving and receiving good feedback ("I love that!") and instruction ("I'd appreciate it if you could try that harder"), and asking for feedback and advice, can help you stay focused on the experiences.

Forego the Routines

According to Oakley (2016), if you stick to the same sex routine every time, you may develop unhealthy habits of letting your minds wander and not being attentive or remembering the experience. Experimenting with imaginations, different sex positions, settings, or roles (such as 'giver' or 'receiver') might add some diversity to your sex lives and take you out of your heads.

Do Not Fight Your Thoughts

Attempting to stop yourself from thinking never works and only increases the distraction. It is essential to find a technique to allow the thoughts to exist without adding to their magnitude. Some sex therapists use the analogy of sitting alongside a busy junction to describe mindfulness. Assume that your thoughts are automobiles speeding down the highway. You can't stop the automobiles from coming, but you can stop yourself from getting into one of them and speeding away. Allow yourself to have thoughts during sex, but don't constantly think about them. You may find it helpful to imagine them driving away from you.

Narrate What Is Going On

This approach gives your brain something to do while still allowing it to focus on the sex. You can also narrate your body's reactions to the current happenings to assist you in tuning in deeper to the sensation. 

Expect Distractions

According to Selke (2003), being engaged and focused 100 percent of the time is impossible. It's impossible to prevent your brain from thinking. Throughout the day, especially during sex, you'll have unwelcome (and totally strange) thoughts spring into your consciousness. You'll be disappointed if you anticipate your mind to be devoid of all thoughts. Instead of removing distractions entirely, try to refocus your goals and focus on limiting them.

The Bottom Line

During sex, men and women struggle to be present and in the moment. Intruding and distracting thoughts can lead to a lack of closeness in relationships, feelings of inadequacy, and a failure to connect to one's deep joy. Fortunately, the steps outlined in this article can help you reintroduce the mind-blowing intensity, ecstasy, and satisfaction that sex provides. You must comprehend that the brain is the most powerful sex organ. Learn how to turn off distracting thoughts to boost your ability to experience fulfilling pleasure.


Oakley, A. (2016). Sex, Gender,, and Society. Routledge.Selke, L. S. (2003). The Relationship Between Spectatoring and Sexual Functioning. The University of South Florida.

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