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Fetish Fantasies Guide by Sex Expert Barbara Santini

Fetish Fantasies Guide by Sex Expert Barbara Santini

A sexual fetish typically relates to non-sexual objects that get someone sexually aroused. Contrary, fetish fantasies are desires that play a role in someone's sexual life. The term fetish is often associated with BDSM because it is the most common sex kink, although there are numerous other common

Fetish Fantasies Guide by Sex Expert Barbara Santini
Irvine (2005) suggested that more than half of the adult population is interested in sexual activities that go beyond the norm or traditional sex. The research above also indicated that half of those have acted out their fetish fantasy at one point in their lifetime. Regardless of the gender or sex type, different-sex kinks or fetishes exist. However, the key to acting upon them is to get an enthusiastic partner's consent and practice safe sex for all parties concerned.

Folks whose fetish fantasy is bondage sex are likely to get excited and aroused when tied with wrist and ankle cuffs, or any other BDSM gear. Their sexual arousal becomes more intense when they get restrained. The turn-on in such a scenario involves the exchange of erotic power between the dominants and the submissive. For the most part, someone can have one fetish fantasy, but others are involved in more than one sex kink. That said, read on to explore all you need to know about fetish fantasies.

What Are Fetish Fantasies?

According to Sprott et al. (2020), a fetish also referred to as a kink, is a behavior, a desire, or a non-sexual object that someone can't get sexually aroused without. Fantasy refers to a mental desire, thought, or imagery that sexually arouses someone. Some people fantasize about things that they can't act out in reality, but the fantasy still turns them on. Few people play out their fetish fantasies via role-playing in sexual scenes and encounters. However, many people harbor their fetish fantasies in their heads, which remain part of their imagination.

What Causes Fetish Fantasies?

Fetishes are caused by an experience you witnessed or experienced, giving you sexual pleasure, as Fernandez & Lastovicka (2011) noted. For instance, if you licked someone's toes and felt aroused. You may want to lick your toes more. you will always pursue physical abuse because it arouses you if you are physically abused and the abuse arouses you. An attraction that gives you sincere pleasure can happen to a person even before becoming sexually active.

Types Of Fetish Fantasies

Someone's sexual kink or fetish often remains a desire and doesn't play a big role in their life. That is because it is a non-sexual object or desire that gets them sexually aroused. People's fetish fantasies often relate to non-sexual objects that are mentally coupled with sexual arousal and can be non-genital parts such as feet or armpits, or objects like stockings, undergarments, and even food. Below is a roundup of the most common fetish fantasies.

Group Sex

Some people fantasize about the idea of having sex with more than one partner. This is manifested on dating sites like Tinder where many couples express the need to search for a third partner. Acts like orgies, threesomes, or gang bangs are increasingly becoming popular, and are fetish fantasies that turn the heat on for many people.

Bondage Sex

When people think about bondage play, what comes to mind is fancy bodysuits, spankers, and handcuffs. However, there are many actions you probably do in your bedroom that border bondage play, and this is more common than you might think. Bondage play for a beginner may involve things like ropes, ties, scarves, and belts that help you to lightly restrain your partner's movements in the bedroom. However, bondage play can get dangerous, especially for novices who want to get from zero to 100 quickly. The key with bondage play is to start small, focus on restraining one body part before moving to the next, prioritize the safety of your partner, and if all parties involved are happy, you can take it to the next level by introducing more restrictive gear.


According to Moser & Kleinplatz (2007), cuckolding fetish fantasy involves getting extremely aroused by watching your partner have sex with someone else. This sex kink is common among men, with targeted research indicating that more than double the number of men than women harbored this fantasy. Cuckolding is pegged on the idea that some people find it self-enhancing and esteem-boosting to know that other people are attracted to their sexual partners. Others who harbor this fetish fantasy reported that they did so for the sole reason of seeing their partner sexually satisfied.


Pegging refers to the sexual act of a woman giving anal sex to a straight man using a strap-on dildo. This kink is specific to women as it grants them the fantasy element of switching roles and exploring new sides of their sexuality. Also, while the man receiving the action would get prostate stimulation from pegging, using a double-ended dildo and other useful sex toys can have the woman climax.


Voyeurism typically refers to the fetish fantasy where people get sexually aroused by watching others undress. Fantasy is more prevalent in men than women, and understandably because people are visual creatures and their sexuality is linked to that. Keats (2018) revealed that Voyeurism also encompasses the idea of sneaking around to see a naked person or someone undressing. This fetish is quite a turn-on for many people.

Orgasm Control

A perfect example of orgasm control is edging. This fetish often applies to couple play where the submissive partner is driven or brought closer to the brink of orgasms, pulled pack, and the process repeated. The entire concept involves giving up control to your dominant partner to decide when and how you orgasm.

How do I introduce fetish fantasies to my relationship?

People may be confident about their relationship, but they fear introducing a fetish into the relationship because their partner will reject the idea. Suggesting something new may cause the relationships to collapse. People may be shy about their fetish, especially when they are involved with sexually conservative people. Fetishes are associated with rebellion against accepted norms, and people may not want their partners to view them as if they have deviated from what society expects from them. Feeling unsure about introducing a fetish into a relationship is normal. Nobody wants to keep themselves in a position where they are misunderstood. Check out the following aspects to introduce your fetish into your relationship; 


Communication is the most important thing people need to have in a relationship. Developed communication skills prove mutual respect between partners and make the topic of kink easier to approach. Consider the timing before communication about fetish starts. You shouldn't wait until sex time to start the conversation. Listen to your partner and look for ways to incorporate their desires into your own without being judgmental.

Think of kink as an adventure for you and your partner: Consider the end goal for both of you. Plan to get there together on a most rewarding path. Be flexible and willing to compromise.


People rely on porn movies and videos to get information about fetishes. People should consider the safety measures as they look into making the fetish exciting. Some fetishes are great on camera but might have negative results in real life. Consider researching the effects of porn on health before approaching your partner with your suggestion so that they may decide if it's a journey they'd like to venture in.

Start Small

The most important trick is to start small. Do not shock your partner with a fetish that leaves them feeling like they were in a torture chamber. For instance, if you like playing with dildos while your partner is uncomfortable having them around, you could start with a finger vibrator. Everything you do involving BDSM starts with baby steps. For instance, if you want to experiment with being whipped, your partner may have to start with a feather, then spanking, and eventually the whipping. If it is the first time you are already assembling BDSM equipment, your partner may get intimidated.

How To Partake Fetish Fantasies

Fetish Fantasies Guide by Sex Expert Barbara Santini

Numerous fetish fantasies exist, each with its modus operandi. Someone whose fetish fantasy is BDSM play, for example, would have to find an enthusiastic partner, along with bondage gear like handcuffs, ankle restraints, and bondage masks to help facilitate their fetish fantasy. However, for the most part, folks don't get to act on their fetish fantasies. Instead, those fantasies remain harbored as imaginations in their heads but turn them on at the thought, desire, or mental imagery of it.

Fetish Fantasy Safety Tips

  • Prioritizing safety is the key thing in fetishes such as BDSM.
  • Discuss the rules, set boundaries, and establish safe words if necessary.
  • Some fetishes can be both emotionally and physically draining; hence, remember to conduct the aftercare after every session.

Frequently Asked Questions about Fetish Fantasies

What are the most common fetish fantasies?

There are a variety of fetish fantasies but these are the most common;

Group sex: This is the ultimate fetish for most people, involving non-monogamous sex. Group sex, threesomes, orgies, and gangbangs fall into this group.

Anyone who is into kinky sex and believes in submissiveness or dominance is probably a fan of BDSM - Bondage Discipline/Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

Novelty involves doing something new and different such as having sex outdoor in the woods or at the theatre.

 According to Wight (2006), taboo sex involves having sex with a person you are not supposed to have sex with based on societal standards, such as sex with a married person or with a teacher. Bestiality is also taboo sex. Such a fetish turns on the person because the forbidden fruit seems to taste the sweetest in their minds. 

Are fetish fantasies a mental disorder?

Not all fetish fantasies are mental disorders. Some are meant to add some spice to our boring, routine sex life. Learn how a fetish disorder occurs to identify with your partner. Some sexual behavior is inherently abnormal in the eyes of reasonable people. For example, there's no argument about pedophilia being a mental disorder. Fetishes do not involve kinks that are harmful and against the law. Fetishes involve consensual partners doing what may seem unusual but not abnormal. A fetish is not a mental problem if you are into something harmless like being attracted to feet, or you like being held up in handcuffs while having sex. It may border a mental disorder, and you should consult a professional therapist if your sexual fetish has serious consequences on your relationships. Knowing if a fetish is a mental disorder or not lies in the eyes of the beholder, but if it is harmful and illegal, consider seeking professional help.

What Are The Risks Associated With Fetish Fantasies?

Not all fetishes are friendly. Some are risky and can be fatal. Some fetishes are physically painful. For example, ripping the dick, fantasizing about being an amputee, inflicting physical pain with whips, and choking your partner. Some fetishes are socially unacceptable, like groping people in public. According to Sexton (2010), "chasing the bug” is a fetish where you deliberately go out to find someone who will infect you with a disease, e.g., HIV, or STI. You need to weigh the consequences before you venture into a fetish.

When Are Fetishes A Problem?

Fetishes are a problem if they cause harm to others or are against the law. For instance, you and your partner may enjoy choking, but if your partner dies during the choking experience, the law will get involved because the choking fetish would have caused a legal problem. However, if your fetish drives you towards very young children, you'd be causing harm to children, and you'd also be breaking the law.

How Do I Experiment With My Fetish Fantasies?

Consider experimenting with your fetish fantasies alone before you involve someone else. They should be someone you trust and understands the boundaries when you involve someone else. 


Fernandez, K. V., & Lastovicka, J. L. (2011). Making magic: Fetishes in contemporary consumption. Journal of Consumer Research, 38(2), 278-299.

Sexton, A. (2010). TRACKING THE BUGCHASER. Cultural Critique, (75), 82-113.

Keats Citron, D. (2018). Sexual privacy. Yale LJ, 128, 1870.

Sprott, R. A., Vivid, J., Vilkin, E., Swallow, L., Lev, E. M., Orejudos, J., & Schnittman, D. (2021). A queer boundary: How sex and BDSM interact for people who identify as kinky. Sexualities, 24(5-6), 708-732.

Moser, C., & Kleinplatz, P. J. (2007). Themes of SM expression. Safe, sane, and consensual: Contemporary perspectives on sadomasochism, 35-54.

Wight, D., Plummer, M. L., Mshana, G., Wamoyi, J., Shigongo, Z. S., & Ross, D. A. (2006). Contradictory sexual norms and expectations for young people in rural Northern Tanzania. Social science & medicine, 62(4), 987-997.