Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

By Elena Ognivtseva

A woman’s orgasm is rather different from a man’s – it’s easy for a man to climax, right? A few minutes of friction and he’s there. Actually, in many cases, it’s not that simple for men, but we’ll leave that discussion for another time and focus on female orgasm for now.

If you’re like the vast majority of women, sex can be a bit of a hit-and-miss game. Even if you’re with the same lover, there will be times when it’s ‘all systems go’ and others when it’s a damp squib. Most of us accept that this is just the way it is, but we shouldn’t. There is absolutely no physical reason (unless you have a medical condition) why you shouldn’t be experiencing knee-trembling orgasms every time you have sex. So, why isn’t it happening for you?

1. You’re Stressed or Your Mind is Simply Elsewhere

Without a doubt, the number one reason that women find it difficult to reach orgasm is that their minds are just not in the game. In order to feel the glorious release of the ‘Big O’, a woman needs to be relaxed and she needs to be focused on her lover, or some sexy fantasies that really turn her on.

2. Lack of Arousal

In order to achieve orgasm, women need to be aroused. In fact, the more aroused we are the bigger, better and quicker our orgasms will come. To any men reading this, I urge you to go back over that last sentence. Yes, women can reach climax incredibly quickly (under a minute in some cases), but it’s all about how excited she is before you even touch her.

3. Lack of Clitoral Stimulation

Some women, and in part we have Sigmund Freud to thank for this, believe that a vaginal orgasm should always be possible and is somehow superior to clitoral orgasm. Well, this is not true and for some, vaginal orgasms are few and far between, if ever experienced. But the clitoris is a powerhouse or orgasmic bliss, so don’t neglect it. If, during intercourse, you’re not getting enough direct or indirect clitoral contact, manually stimulate your clitoris or ask your lover to do it for you.

4. All About the Angle

If you find that vaginal orgasms can be difficult to come by, it’s because the G-Spot needs firm and persistent pressure, which is hard to achieve with the penis. However, it is not impossible. Try different positions to alter the angle of his thrusts, such as penetration from behind or any position in which you are on top, as this enables you to control the angle with the motion of your hips.

5. You Haven’t Communicated Your Needs to Your Lover

So many women fall foul of this; they have an unfulfilling sex life, but refuse to discuss the problem with their lovers. I know, you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but it’s not about telling him he’s bad in bed. It’s about explaining that you love it when he does X and wish he did more of it, but you’re not crazy about Y. Communicating with your lover is crucial if you want to have a mutually satisfying sex life.

Of course, these are just some of the reasons you may not be reaching orgasm. They are not to be seen as a cure-all to your sexual problems, but they can certainly help to improve your ability to climax. If you have a sudden problem reaching orgasm and it has nothing to do with the factors above, you may like to seek the advice of your doctor, as it could be symptomatic of a medical concern.