Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

By Tatyana Dyachenko

Delaying orgasm is recommended for many reasons. It may be that you are looking to extend your performance time, increase your pleasure or experiment with new techniques - whatever your motivation, putting it off usually ramps it up!

Third Time Lucky

If you are truly in tune with your partner’s sexual responses, you will be able to sense exactly how close they are and when they are beginning to orgasm. This will take sensitivity and practice and is unlikely to occur with someone who is not a regular partner. You can also encourage your partner to tell you what is happening for them; it can be very sexy to hear them talk about the build up of their orgasm!

Slowing down or releasing some of the pressure on the genitals when they are about to cum can be exciting as long as you don’t leave it too late: if the orgasm has passed the point of no return they are likely to carry on moving even if you are intending to stop! If you do stop at the right moment, don’t release contact entirely as this may be too much of a shock. Carry on with gentle stroking or thrusts as their intensity subsides slightly, and then build back up again. This can be repeated up to three times - more than this can start to cause frustration - and on the third occasion let them go for it! They will have a mind-blowing orgasm.

Multiple Orgasms

Men may eventually be able to train themselves to have orgasms without ejaculating through this method. This will enable them to carry on to further orgasms during the session or to continue orgasming. Women can learn to decrease the time gap between orgasms and have more or ongoing orgasms in one session. Pelvic floor exercises, performed by both women and men, can help strengthen muscles and improve ability to orgasm more strongly and frequently. Remembering to continue with breathing or to deepen or quicken breathing while experimenting with orgasm can also heighten ability. As with all sexual techniques, practising while alone will help to develop skill.

Don’t obsess

Making orgasm the only focus of sex can be a turn off and can dissuade the body from orgasming at all – so don’t make it the be-all-and-end-all. Experimenting should be fun and success should be judged upon whether sex between partners increases pleasure, communication and understanding, not on whether you cum or how many times.