IT'S OKAY TO FANTASIZE ABOUT YOUR EXES

People with different orientations might appear in our sexual imaginations, from superheroes to porn stars. Studies have indicated that women are more prone to conjure up images of ex-lovers in the world of the sexual imagination. One possibility is that your dreams are based on an especially notable one-night encounter from your past. If you were in a long-term relationship with the person in question, you might see them in these stories. No matter how hard you try, you will still think about your former flame when you've just come out of a relationship, or you're in the midst of a breakup. Many people wonder why they keep reliving the events of Splitzville after someone hurt their feelings or treated them badly. Perhaps it's been months or even years since you've talked to your ex, so the happy-sad recollections are on replay.

You're not alone, whatever the situation may be. It's normal for individuals to wonder what went wrong with their relationship; it's all part of the healing process after a split. The last person to whom you were entirely honest, open, and vulnerable was probably your ex; as a result, it's reasonable that they'd have control over you and your emotions. Despite this, it's crucial to understand why you could be "crazy" with your ex or what this means about your mental condition. Read this article for details on how you may overcome it and emerge a better person—and perhaps find love again in the process. How can you distinguish between innocently naughty erotic fantasies and recovering lingering emotions towards your ex? This is where things become sticky.

Why Can't I Get My Mind Off Of My Ex?

Several reasons may make you think about your past relationships. They include old images or the passage of an anniversary. Moreover, you may have gotten back into the dating scene and find yourself constantly drawing comparisons to your ex. Emotional habits are just as important as practical and physical habits. According to Chestnut (2017), our routines or habits are the patterns of reaction we consciously or subconsciously adopt to traverse our surroundings more efficiently. This is because memories of pleasant times and sad moments come up throughout the grieving process, as Wetherell (2022) explained. It might be difficult to cut the habit of thinking about your ex-partner. You may not experience the full impact of the breakup immediately since it's a shock to the system, even if you foresaw it or were the one who instigated the separation. While it's normal to have feelings for your ex, it's also normal to have feelings for yourself, too. Ex-thoughts might linger for some time after the breakup, whether they are continuous or intermittent. It's impossible to stop thinking about an ex, or more precisely, to stop feeling for an ex after a certain period. According to Rose et al. (2011), it may be hard to forget the past. Exercise self-compassion; seek out other people's assistance, and be open-minded and willing to new experiences that help you feel good.

Then I Must be Obsessed

In the wake of a breakup, it's easy to wonder why the relationship didn't work out, particularly if it's been some time since you've seen one other again. Francis, on the other hand, suggests a little shift in perspective. According to Par & Thayer (2014), you may be obsessed with being hyper-vigilant, but you may not realize it. We tend to obsess over the smallest things when we don't feel protected. Our minds constantly repeat our past relationships, especially when the breakup or the partnership is linked to emotional anguish.

But How Will This Affect Future Relationships?

After dating somebody else, or at the at least considering the potential of dating, it's probable that thoughts of an ex may begin to arise in your mind. You may begin to doubt your ability to move on in a new relationship if you always obsess about your ex-partner. To be ready for our future, I believe there is a fallacy that we must never reflect on our past. However, your prior relationships are a piece of your narrative and influence your current understanding of yourself and how you relate to the world around you. You should do so as long as you're ready to take that step (starting to date again).

In many cases, the greatest approach to getting over a person is to get under their skin. Recognizing whether you're seeking a diversion or are ready to be exposed again is critical. Despite how good the new relationship may be, it will not be enough to heal previous scars on its own. Moreover, if you're not fully in the now, your history will seem to be a hindrance. Make sure your current or potential partners know precisely what they agree to by letting them know how emotionally available you are.

When Does It Become An Issue?

It's quite acceptable to have odd thoughts about your ex, but you should heed how these ideas affect your lifestyle and emotions to determine when they cause you to worry. You may want to investigate why this individual and your adventures with them have had such a long-lasting influence on you if you discover that thinking about your former relationship interferes with your present connections, romantic or not. It's important to remember that obsessing about an ex might harm your health. Consider your thoughts and memories as movies you see in your head and ask yourself how you feel after the play. You may have a problem if you have distressing thoughts that prevent you from engaging in daily activities, cause you to lose faith in the future, or cause you to act in harmful ways. The best thing to do is to get some outside aid. Consider engaging with a relationship counselor as a member of your care team to assist you in acquiring new skills, recovering from previous traumas, and offer a non-judgmental place for emotional support.

References

Chestnut, B. (2017). The 9 types of leadership: mastering the art of people in the 21st century workplace. Simon and Schuster.

Wetherell, J. L. (2022). Complicated grief therapy as a new treatment approach. Dialogues in clinical neuroscience.

Rose, D., Trevillion, K., Woodall, A., Morgan, C., Feder, G., & Howard, L. (2011). Barriers and facilitators of disclosures of domestic violence by mental health service users: qualitative study. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 198(3), 189-194.

Park, G., & Thayer, J. F. (2014). From the heart to the mind: cardiac vagal tone modulates top-down and bottom-up visual perception and attention to emotional stimuli. Frontiers in psychology, 5, 278.