WHAT QUALITIES MAKE A GOOD DOMINANT

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Written by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

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Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

To be dominant, there needs to be a person who has given out full control of their body, making them submissive. Qualities of a good dominant include; being selfless, understanding, respectful, and trustworthy.

According to Miller, P. (2019), domination is about power over someone. Before being dominant, you should first talk to your partner and get to know what they are comfortable with. Do not impose activities on them but rather let them set their limits and boundaries that you should not cross. The submissive will be the receiver of the discipline handed over by the dominant. This means that they have given the dominant full control of their body. Since the power and authority are with the dominant, they are not supposed to be violent. It's a game they are playing, and they should cater to the sexual needs of their partner as well. Some of the qualities of a good dominant are;

Trustworthy

Trust plays a major role in every relationship. A dominant partner should show beyond any doubt that they are trustworthy. They should at least show and prove that they respect and care about the sub's safety. Doing so will make it easy for the sub to give total power and control to the dominant. The dominant should not go beyond the boundaries and the limitations set by the submissive. They should also not try to change the sub's mind. Although the sub may agree, it will be because they have been coerced to make that decision.

Selfless

This is the ability to be concerned about other people's wishes and needs more than yours. The dominant partner should not be selfish. Dominants should not care about their sexual pleasures alone but also try and cater to the sexual needs of the sub. The control is always with the dominant, and they should make sure it isn't only about self-pleasure but also the well-being and desires of the sub.

Understanding

It is always wise to talk to your partner and get to know what they desire and what turns them off. Dominants should get to know the do’s and don’ts of the playtime to avoid going against their partner's will. The dominant partner might be okay with a certain game, but the sub is not okay with the whole idea. He should understand the sub and not cross the limits because all the power and control are in his hands. Partners can agree to the game time but still set some rules to be respected. This will make the sub more comfortable with the idea and even want to explore more.

Kind

After the play, the dominant partner, should take care of the sub. They can cuddle, talk and embrace each other. Partners can also inquire about the whole play and how the partner is feeling. They can ask if they were comfortable or happy with what went down. This shows respect, and the sub will feel like they are cared for. They may also feel that the dominant is not rejecting them or getting rid of them after the play. Being kind after playtime will make the sub feel loved.

Self-Aware 

This is the ability to know one's self actions and thoughts. Dominants should be aware of their strength, weaknesses, and how far they can go during playtime and not try to go beyond their strength. They should also recognize their limitations and know exactly what they desire or want to achieve by the end of the play.

Smart

Relationships should not be all about the physical sex. Dominants should possess the ability to connect with their partner mentally. This will help them know or determine what their partner desires without asking them. Dominants can also know if their partner is comfortable during their playtime or if they need to limit whatever they are doing. This will help establish satisfaction and build mental stimulation in both partners. 

Open To Criticism  

Partners should try and communicate with their partner. A dominant should be able to listen to their partner's expression of what they disapproved during their playtime. The faults and mistakes pointed out should be a stepping stone to what the dominant needs to learn and improve to be better. Humans make mistakes, but it is always the act of someone learning from it and trying to make it better that’s always admirable.

Creative

Dominants can use their imagination and original ideas to develop some ways to make the game exciting. There should always be room for improvement. If one feels like the play needs something exciting to be added, they can think out of the box and try to come up with what they feel will add some spice. You can introduce sex toys if you have never used them when in bondage. This will be playful and exciting and can inspire growth in your sex life.

Respectful

Just because you have been given full control and power does not mean you should be disrespectful to your partner. In the real sense, this is when you should be respectful to her. Be sure not to bad mouth or be rude to them in public. They gave up their power to you because they felt safe in your hands.  Remember, submissives can still take their power back, and you won't have any control over them.

Conclusion

A dominant is believed to have full control over their submissive. On the contrary, the sub is always in charge. It doesn't sound very clear, but the person who has consent can decide to take back their power if they feel not appreciated or looked down upon. The power always lies with the one who gave out their control. The gameplay should aim to please both dominant and compliant parties.  For one to give up their power to you, you've got to have the qualities that will draw them close to you and trust you fully.

References

Miller, P. (2019). Domination and power (Vol. 41). Routledge.