What Makes A Good Submissive?

How can an individual be submissive? What best can one do to become more submissive? What are some of the ways individuals can become submissive? This article explains what makes an individual a good submissive. 

Defining submissiveness is important during BDSM (Bondage, Discipline or Domination, Sadism, and Masochism). One partner plays a submissive role while the other plays the dominant role. The submissive partner's role involves doing what the dominant partner wants. But it is not limited to BDSM. In some relationships, the partners are equal in all ways, but in others, the submissive and dominant roles are defined. Therefore submissiveness and dominance can be part of a relationship beyond the bedroom.

 The main factor in role-playing is that the partners play the opposite role. The roles are defined by their expectations as partners and not by their gender. So, although you would naturally expect the man to be the dominant partner, that's not always the case. The female partner may role-play as the dominant partner too. Knowing who between them will be the dominant or submissive partner is an essential element of BDSM. There cannot be a proper act of BDSM without the dominant/ submissive roles. As soon as they have defined their roles, they ought to set the rules that the submissive partner will have to follow. The submissive partner is supposed to obey the dominant partner, but the extent of obedience is restricted by the rules that they have between them. In role-play, the submissive partner gives up all their control even if they are usually the dominant partner. They let the dominant control the BDSM relationship at the moment. The following are the points on what makes a good submissive:

Less Talk

Submissive people are never loud. Sorin (2018) explained that the dominant partner does not want to hear your opinion unless you want to end the play, which means the end of being submissiveness. You are, however, not allowed to question the dominant partner. You follow the dominant's rule. They tell you what to do, and you do it. You gave up your control of the relationship during the BDSM, and therefore yours is to listen and do what the dominant wants you to do. You gave up your control because you trusted the dominant. Do not spoil things by sharing opinions. That is not the place for that. You will voice your opinion during the relationship, not during BDSM. During BDSM, a good submissive listen to what the dominant partner wants and what they seem to want. Please do not discuss what should be done within the play as it is too late because your role is to listen.

Let the Dominant Make all the Decisions

The dominant is the boss. You probably have a lot to share but keep your opinion to yourself. Balbuena (2020) stated that the dominant makes all the decisions. Your role is to follow the dominant's lead. You may want to rebel or disagree, but you should resist the urge if you want to be a good submissive. Sometimes the role does not end in the bedroom, but it is your real life. The dominant lover makes all the decisions for you. If you do not abide by the rules, the dominant partner may punish you; even in relationships with a submissive and dominant role, the submissive acts as the dominant's assistant rather than an equal partner. The dominant partner makes the decisions that you follow. You do not have any other role in that relationship besides being obedient.

Learn How to Be Submissive Without Talking

Dominants have body language that shows that they are the boss. A good submissive should have s similar language that shows that they are obedient to the dominant partner. According to Rivoli (2015), the submissive partner needs to show obedience even in their posture. For example, the hands can never be across their chest. There should rarely be eye contact unless the dominant partner wants that. The submissive partner must never send rude vibes. The role of the submissive partner knows no confidence. The submissive partner may be required to kneel or sit depending on the dominant partner's instructions. Sometimes the submissive partner may have to run to get things for the dominant partner so that they do not waste the dominant's time. The submissive partner should be careful not to offend the dominant partner if there is anything the submissive partner should do but does not know how to do it. To please the dominant partner, they must learn how to do it.

No debates

You may be smart and witty, but that will not work when you want to assume that submissive role. Your master wants you to keep your opinion to yourself, and you should do that. Your role is to listen to what your partner wants and do it. Your partner does not expect you to stand up and speak up for yourself because you have your place, and you should stay in it when the submissiveness involves outsiders. Then you will be submissive to everyone but more submissive to your partner. Beyke (2018) explained that individuals might find themselves in a debate with someone out there, but if their partner commands that they stop arguing with that person, they stop immediately since their partners control them. You try to be on your best behavior with your partner because you are meant to be submissive. If you do not impress your partner, your partner may punish you. Individuals should be good submissive partners and stay in their lane.

Conclusion

Being a good submissive is not easy, especially if it stretches beyond the bedroom. If being submissive is part of your lifestyle, it is especially difficult if it goes against who you are as a person. It may seem like pretentious behavior to you. For instance, if you are an assertive person, you cannot be a good submissive because there is no chance for assertiveness in submissive relationships. It would be best to accept being under your partner's control. Imagine if you bring in most of the money at home or are wittier than your partner. It does not matter if you earn more than your partner or you are the wittier one. Sometimes you may even have to submit all your income to him so that they are the one to control it and decide how they will use it before you settle for submissiveness, whether as part of BDSM or as the basis of your relationship. Try thinking if you will be comfortable with it so that you do not do what you don't want to do, all in the name of submissiveness.

References 

Balbuena, E. A. (2020). Fictitious Coercion: BDSM Practices And The Negotiation Of 

Narrative Temporality In Transparent. Diffractions, (2), 47-64. 

Beyke, J. (2018). “A New Servitude”: Exploring Dominance And Submission In Jane Eyre Through BDSM.

Rivoli, L. R. (2015). Liberation Through Domination: BDSM Culture And Submissive-Role Women.

Sorin, C. R. (2018). Fifty Shades Of Consent: Gender And Anti-Violence Work In

The BDSM Community. University Of California, Santa Barbara.