Content Verification

Written by:✓

Katie Lasson
Sex and Relationship Adviser

Medically Reviewed by:✓

Veronika Matutyte
Medical Doctor

Fact Checked by:✓

Barbara Santini
Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Advisor

By Tatyana Dyachenko

Every single relationship advice website has forums full of women upset by their partner’s use of porn. The advice doled out is usually conflicting leaving women worried that they’re abnormal for getting upset about such a trivial matter. However anyone that’s ever been in a relationship where the partner prefers porn over having sex with them will understand that this behaviour makes you feel sick to the stomach, unattractive, unconfident and basically miserable.

Embrace the Differences

For every woman it’s important to understand that men are wired differently in a biological sense. Many can separate their feelings from acts of sex, using images only for sexual satisfaction and nothing else. When the testosterone is raging during puberty and into their late twenties porn provides the perfect quick fix as it stimulates the sexual responses needed to achieve orgasm.

Women’s Fantasies are Much More Dangerous than a Man’s Porn
Women meanwhile don’t need images to achieve orgasm as our methods are a lot more threatening than a man’s use of porn. When we’re single or when we masturbate we use our vivid imaginations to create scenarios that do involve desire, lust and sometimes love, bringing our fantasies to the fore. This is far more dangerous than a picture of an air brushed plastic woman as men know these women will not cook them dinner, feed them Lemsip when ill or put them first forsaking all others.

This aside, when a man meets a woman he wants to spend his life with his hormones adjust accordingly. In the first throws of the relationship he will experience a very high sex drive where the woman fulfils his every need. However as the relationship settles into a pattern so do his hormones, and something much deeper develops. Out of respect for his partner he will quell those impromptu feelings that use porn as a quick release saving himself for sex with his woman instead.

The woman also adjusts her fantasies and more often than not they include this new man that loves and adores her as she knows no one else can ever replicate those feelings in her mind. Men may use porn still occasionally but not if it truly hurts the partner they are with if they have complete respect for you they will not want to do anything that makes you unhappy and as men declare porn is so inconsequential, unimportant and not worth the arguments they’ll easily forsake it for you.

Yet some women enjoy porn too and are able to see that it in no way threatens the relationship. This is great for those that allow it as it adds an extra layer of spice if watching it together. There are also porn movies catering for the women that involve love stories as well as sex allowing a build-up that turns women on.

What You Shouldn’t Put Up With

However if your man is choosing porn over having sex with you then there’s something not quite right. The more porn a man watches the more he needs to be able to achieve climax as it simply desensitises the sexual stimulants. This can result in normal acts of sex not being enough to turn him on; it’s no reflection on you as a person more often a reflection of his addiction that has developed into a problem.

If he refuses to let it go and it’s affecting your life negatively, you may need a good chat. If he’s willing seek counselling as no woman deserves to live with a man that makes her feel like second best to a picture.